Yesterday, a friend of mine, who is retired, was at Wal-Mart buying a large 40lb bag of Purina dog chow for Rover the wonder dog and was about to check out, when the lady behind her asked if she had a dog.
My friend says to me, "What does she think I have, an elephant?" So since she's retired, with little to do, on impulse, my friend told the lady that no, she didn't have a dog. She explained that what she's doing is starting the Purina Diet again, although she probably shouldn't, because she'd ended up in the hospital last time. Although she'd lost 50 pounds, she found herself waking up in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of all of her orifices and IV's in both arms.
My friend explained to the lady that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so she was going to do it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with her story.)
Horrified , the lady asked my friend if she ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned her. My friend told her no; she ended up in the hospital because she'd stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit them both.
Walmart had to call the medics because a guy in line behind the lady was laughing so hard they'd thought he was having a heart attack! Also, WAL-MART won't let my friend shop there anymore.
(Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.)
My friend says to me, "What does she think I have, an elephant?" So since she's retired, with little to do, on impulse, my friend told the lady that no, she didn't have a dog. She explained that what she's doing is starting the Purina Diet again, although she probably shouldn't, because she'd ended up in the hospital last time. Although she'd lost 50 pounds, she found herself waking up in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of all of her orifices and IV's in both arms.
My friend explained to the lady that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so she was going to do it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with her story.)
Horrified , the lady asked my friend if she ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned her. My friend told her no; she ended up in the hospital because she'd stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit them both.
Walmart had to call the medics because a guy in line behind the lady was laughing so hard they'd thought he was having a heart attack! Also, WAL-MART won't let my friend shop there anymore.
(Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.)
