SPRINGER FARMS MURRAY GRE
Well-known member
THE LARK PROGRAM .....
A Lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the White
House complaining about the treatment of a captive
insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay.
She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing
our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being
held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters
seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in
Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the
concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a
new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to
be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for
Killers" program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program,
we have decided to place one terrorist under your
personal care. Your personal detainee
has been selected and scheduled for transportation
under heavily armed guard to your residence next
Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him
Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards
you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.
It will likely be necessary for you to hire some
assistant caretakers.
We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of
care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended
in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent,
we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as
his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character
flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere
cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling
and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat
and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or
nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at
making a wide variety of explosive devices from common
household products, so you may wish to keep those
items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might
offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your
daughters (except sexually), since he views females as
a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly
sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
show violent tendencies around women who fail to
comply with the new dress code that he will recommend
as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to
enjoy the anonymity offered by the Burka -- over time.
Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his
culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how
you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it
when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way
to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and
remember.. we'll be watching.
Good luck!
Cordially, your friend,
Don Rumsfeld
A Lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the White
House complaining about the treatment of a captive
insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay.
She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing
our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being
held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters
seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in
Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the
concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a
new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to
be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for
Killers" program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program,
we have decided to place one terrorist under your
personal care. Your personal detainee
has been selected and scheduled for transportation
under heavily armed guard to your residence next
Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him
Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards
you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.
It will likely be necessary for you to hire some
assistant caretakers.
We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of
care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended
in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent,
we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as
his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character
flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere
cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling
and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat
and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or
nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at
making a wide variety of explosive devices from common
household products, so you may wish to keep those
items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might
offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your
daughters (except sexually), since he views females as
a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly
sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
show violent tendencies around women who fail to
comply with the new dress code that he will recommend
as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to
enjoy the anonymity offered by the Burka -- over time.
Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his
culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how
you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it
when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way
to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and
remember.. we'll be watching.
Good luck!
Cordially, your friend,
Don Rumsfeld
