inyati13
Well-known member
Preface: Enjoy this. Not intended to offend. I expect it will be taken down but hopefully someone might get a laugh first.
This morning I was pulling a bale of hay out of the barn. When I got the bale out in the driveway, I heard a "pop" and a bright flame erupted from the bale. In complete disbelief, I heard a familiar voice coming from the bright flames. "Fear NOT, Ronnie, this is your Dad". I said, "Where are you Dad?" Dad replied, "Where the heII do you think I am." I fell to my knees. I cried out, "Oh my God, Dad you have gone to HeII." Dad said, "No, I am in Heaven."
Dad in his younger years never formed a sentence without at least one curse word. In fact, he could cuss better than anyone I ever knew except a professor I had in college who employed the word F_ _ k in every sentence. Dad must have learned to cuss in the service because he was raised in a devout Catholic household and my grandparents would never have allowed it. When I was in the first grade, I used some of the words dad taught me and Mrs. Zempter washed my mouth out with soap. I put my cussing on hold for several years and started again when I got to college.
I ask Dad how he liked Heaven. He said, "Ronnie, I got a nice home up here. It is much better than the old farm house. No termites, the pipes don't freeze every winter, the floors are all level and the front door is not always sticking."
Dad said, "Ronnie, I will be a Son-of-a-Bitck if I didn't meet God. He talks just like any other man. We was talkin' the other day and God looked me square in the eyes and said, "Bob, you know, I made a mistake thousands of years ago when I made MAN." I looked at God and said, "Jesus, how could a man who created the entire Universe make a mistake?" God looked at me and said, "First Bob, don't call me Jesus. Remember there are three of us, The Father, The Son and the Holy Ghost. I am the Father. Call me God. Second, I know I am the Power and the Glory forever but I have come to see that MAN was a mistake. Just look at the mess he has made of my wonderful creation."
Dad paused and said, "Ron, you know, that Old Man was right. I be damed if he ain't the smartest man in this whole country up here."
This morning I was pulling a bale of hay out of the barn. When I got the bale out in the driveway, I heard a "pop" and a bright flame erupted from the bale. In complete disbelief, I heard a familiar voice coming from the bright flames. "Fear NOT, Ronnie, this is your Dad". I said, "Where are you Dad?" Dad replied, "Where the heII do you think I am." I fell to my knees. I cried out, "Oh my God, Dad you have gone to HeII." Dad said, "No, I am in Heaven."
Dad in his younger years never formed a sentence without at least one curse word. In fact, he could cuss better than anyone I ever knew except a professor I had in college who employed the word F_ _ k in every sentence. Dad must have learned to cuss in the service because he was raised in a devout Catholic household and my grandparents would never have allowed it. When I was in the first grade, I used some of the words dad taught me and Mrs. Zempter washed my mouth out with soap. I put my cussing on hold for several years and started again when I got to college.
I ask Dad how he liked Heaven. He said, "Ronnie, I got a nice home up here. It is much better than the old farm house. No termites, the pipes don't freeze every winter, the floors are all level and the front door is not always sticking."
Dad said, "Ronnie, I will be a Son-of-a-Bitck if I didn't meet God. He talks just like any other man. We was talkin' the other day and God looked me square in the eyes and said, "Bob, you know, I made a mistake thousands of years ago when I made MAN." I looked at God and said, "Jesus, how could a man who created the entire Universe make a mistake?" God looked at me and said, "First Bob, don't call me Jesus. Remember there are three of us, The Father, The Son and the Holy Ghost. I am the Father. Call me God. Second, I know I am the Power and the Glory forever but I have come to see that MAN was a mistake. Just look at the mess he has made of my wonderful creation."
Dad paused and said, "Ron, you know, that Old Man was right. I be damed if he ain't the smartest man in this whole country up here."
