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The Bravest Man On Earth

CattleAnnie

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> > > > > >COWBOY POETRY--BUYING A BRA
> > > > > >
> > > > > >I ain't much for shopping,
> > > > > >Nor even goin' into town -
> > > > > >Except at cattle-shipping time,
> > > > > >I ain't easily found.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >But the day came when I had to go
> > > > > >And I left the kids with ma.
> > > > > >But before I left she asked me,
> > > > > >"Would you pick me up a bra?"
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Without thinkin' I said "Sure,"
> > > > > >How tough could that job be?
> > > > > >I bent down and kissed her
> > > > > >And said, "I'll be back by three"
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Well, when I done the things I needed,
> > > > > >I started to regret
> > > > > >Ever offering to buy that thing,
> > > > > >I was working up a sweat.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >I crossed the street to the ladies shop
> > > > > >With my hat pulled over my eyes,
> > > > > >I wasn't takin' any chances
> > > > > >On bein' recognized.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >I walked up to the sales clerk -
> > > > > >I didn't hem or haw -
> > > > > >I told the lady right straight out,
> > > > > >"Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >From behind I heard some snickers,
> > > > > >So I turned around to see
> > > > > >At least fifteen women in the store
> > > > > >And they's all gawkin' at me!
> > > > > >
> > > > > >"What kind would you be looking for?"
> > > > > >"Well," I just scratched my head.
> > > > > >I'd only seen one kind before
> > > > > >"Thought bras was bras," I said.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >She gives me a disgusted look,
> > > > > >"Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
> > > > > >Come with me," I heard her say,
> > > > > >And like a dog, I tagged along.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >She took me down this alley
> > > > > >Where bras was on display.
> > > > > >Well, I thought my jaw'd hit the floor
> > > > > >When I seen that lingerie.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >They had all these different styles
> > > > > >That I'd not seen before
> > > > > >I thought that I'd go crazy
> > > > > >'fore I left that women's store.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
> > > > > >And bras that cross your heart.
> > > > > >There was bras that lift and separate,
> > > > > >And that was just the start.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >They had bras that made you feel
> > > > > >Like you weren't wearing one at all,
> > > > > >And bras that you can train in
> > > > > >When you start off when you're small.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Well, I finally make my mind up -
> > > > > >Picked a black and lacy one -
> > > > > >I told the lady,
> > > > > >"Bag it up," And figured I was done
> > > > > >
> > > > > >But then she asked me for the size.
> > > > > >I didn't hesitate.
> > > > > >I knew them measurements by heart,
> > > > > >" A six-and-seven-eighths."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >"Six and seven eighths, well sir,
> > > > > >That really isn't right."
> > > > > >"Oh, yes ma'am! Yeah, I'm positive,
> > > > > >I just measured them last night."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >I thought that she'd go into shock,
> > > > > >Musta took her by surprise
> > > > > >When I told her that my wife's bust
> > > > > >Was the same as my hat size.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >"That's what I used to measure with,
> > > > > >I figured it was fair,
> > > > > >But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
> > > > > >This drew another stare.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >By now a crowd had gathered
> > > > > >And they's all crackin' up
> > > > > >When the lady asked to see my hat,
> > > > > >To measure for the cup.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >When she finally had it figured,
> > > > > >I gave the gal her pay.
> > > > > >Then I turned to leave the store,
> > > > > >Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >My wife heard the whole story
> > > > > >'fore I ever made it home.
> > > > > >She'd talked to fifteen women
> > > > > >Who'd called her on the phone.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >She was still a-laughin'
> > > > > >But by then I didn't care.
> > > > > >Now she don't ask and I don't shop
> > > > > >For no more women's underwear.
> > > > > >
> > > > >

Take care.
 

Texan

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Never had to buy a bra, lucky for me. That sounds like an awful experience, Annie. I did have to pick up some of those monthly personals, though. Didn't have to use my hat size, thank goodness!
 

WORANCH

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the best posts i have read in a long time :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

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