TLCfromARK
Well-known member
Got this tonight from a friend and got a few smiles, thought I'd share.
;-)
1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and
got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was 'a
salted'. (...get it???)
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of
asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says
to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7 "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home .'" "That sounds
like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in
a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this
morning." "I don't believe you," says
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible
woman. The kids were nothing to look
at either.
10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard
this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a
serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor,
I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
know you can't- I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and
pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The
one turns to the other and says
"Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into
a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. "But why," they asked as they moved off,
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting
in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan."
Year's later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked
barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little
which made him rather frail and with his odd
diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good)....
A supercalloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent
twenty different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least ten of
the puns would make them laugh..
..
.. . . .No pun in ten did.
;-)
1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and
got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was 'a
salted'. (...get it???)
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of
asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says
to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7 "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home .'" "That sounds
like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in
a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this
morning." "I don't believe you," says
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible
woman. The kids were nothing to look
at either.
10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard
this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a
serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor,
I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
know you can't- I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and
pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The
one turns to the other and says
"Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into
a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. "But why," they asked as they moved off,
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting
in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan."
Year's later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked
barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little
which made him rather frail and with his odd
diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good)....
A supercalloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent
twenty different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least ten of
the puns would make them laugh..
..
.. . . .No pun in ten did.
