Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter D2Cat
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Bob-s
Well-known member
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and... OH...MY GOD!"
Silence followed complete silence!
Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
From the back of the plane, a passenger yelled "For the luvva Jaysus, you should see the back of mine!"
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and... OH...MY GOD!"
Silence followed complete silence!
Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
From the back of the plane, a passenger yelled "For the luvva Jaysus, you should see the back of mine!"
gman4691
Well-known member
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
Named'em Tamed'em
Well-known member
I have 3 friends that'll spit beer and a couple that just don't get it!Is it wrong that I totally lost my shyt and can't stop laughing?
Lannie
Well-known member
But you can let your fingers do the walking..... well back in the day when yellow pages existed
We still have Yellow Pages in BF, South Dakota.
Oh, that was BAAAAAAAD! I'm using the
now instead of a groan button. Like, "OMG, REALLY?" (They ARE funny, though! Who sits and thinks these things up, anyway?)
greybeard
Well-known member
I watched the original King Kong movie last night and an old poem came to mind...
(Probably not PC but so what?)
(Yes, the actress's name is spelled wrong.)
Grand Dad went to the matinee
To watch King Kong fondle Fay Ray
In his leathery hand the beauty lay
Wearing nothing but a satin negligee
My Daddy was born nine months to the day
After that fateful matinee
All because of Fay Ray's nipples
Daddy was born in Phil-a-del-phi-aaa
All because of Fay Ray's nipples
Flesh begets flesh
In the usual way
Daddy's only here because of Fay Ray.
Daddy had an album
Of photos from the war
Snapshots taken of Okinawan whores
Dressed in sarongs like Dorothy Lamour
For a nickel they'd drop the dress on the floor
And happily pose in front of the camera
With fruit on their head
Like Carmen Miranda
I was born nine months to the day
After Daddy got back to the USA
Because of little native women
Dressed like Dorothy Lamour
Dressed in sarongs like Dorothy Lamour
Flesh begets flesh
In the usual way
I am only here because of Fay Ray.
Women are more than baby machines
More than naked pictures in magazines
I'm no prude
Don't get me wrong
If you don't want kids
Don't watch King Kong
Flesh begets flesh
In the usual way
We're all here because of Fay Ray.
(Probably not PC but so what?)
(Yes, the actress's name is spelled wrong.)
Grand Dad went to the matinee
To watch King Kong fondle Fay Ray
In his leathery hand the beauty lay
Wearing nothing but a satin negligee
My Daddy was born nine months to the day
After that fateful matinee
All because of Fay Ray's nipples
Daddy was born in Phil-a-del-phi-aaa
All because of Fay Ray's nipples
Flesh begets flesh
In the usual way
Daddy's only here because of Fay Ray.
Daddy had an album
Of photos from the war
Snapshots taken of Okinawan whores
Dressed in sarongs like Dorothy Lamour
For a nickel they'd drop the dress on the floor
And happily pose in front of the camera
With fruit on their head
Like Carmen Miranda
I was born nine months to the day
After Daddy got back to the USA
Because of little native women
Dressed like Dorothy Lamour
Dressed in sarongs like Dorothy Lamour
Flesh begets flesh
In the usual way
I am only here because of Fay Ray.
Women are more than baby machines
More than naked pictures in magazines
I'm no prude
Don't get me wrong
If you don't want kids
Don't watch King Kong
Flesh begets flesh
In the usual way
We're all here because of Fay Ray.
gman4691
Well-known member
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
Ouachita
Well-known member
Well, I might as well join'em
gman4691
Well-known member
Q: What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A: A Carpet
A: A Carpet
Springfieldsimm
Well-known member
coachg
Well-known member
Ebenezer
Well-known member
My wife had a problem because her body didn't rid itself of B12 like normal. She had to be hospitalized to find the problem. The B12 had been prescribed to help her with some issues left from chemo. The other day a Dr asked her about it and said that he would draw a blood level soon to be sure that she was back in a normal range. I asked the Dr if he could still prescribe her some vitamins but less the effects by prescribing some B11 or B10.
gman4691
Well-known member
We all know about Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
But have you heard of Cole's Law?
It's thinly sliced cabbage.
But have you heard of Cole's Law?
It's thinly sliced cabbage.
Travlr
Well-known member
gman4691
Well-known member
I can relate.
Attachments
greybeard
Well-known member
Back in the day, the poor had horses and the wealthy had cars.
Now, the wealthy have horses and the poor have cars.
My how the stables have turned...
I hadn't intended to visit my East Texas family this 4th of July but my older sister said she would fix some eggs benedict.
So I'm going back home for the hollandaise..
A recliner is (and always has been) my favorite piece of furniture...
We go way back.
Now, the wealthy have horses and the poor have cars.
My how the stables have turned...
I hadn't intended to visit my East Texas family this 4th of July but my older sister said she would fix some eggs benedict.
So I'm going back home for the hollandaise..
A recliner is (and always has been) my favorite piece of furniture...
We go way back.
greybeard
Well-known member
My work here is done..
gman4691
Well-known member
Upon his coronation, a tribal king decided he wanted to upgrade his woven-grass-and-wood home. So, he commissioned the best weavers in the village to build him a two-story home.
Weeks later, the grass-weavers finished, and moved the king's property in. But the King wasn't happy. He wanted to build a king-size bed, but the massive stone throne used in the tribe was in the way. Figuring a second-floor throne room would be more impressive, the King ordered the workers to bring the throne upstairs, and then weave him a nice, big bed on the first floor.
A few more weeks later, the King finally moved in. On the first night, he and the Queen decided to test out the bed. Their testing got vigorous, and they shook the walls of the house, causing the heavy throne to plunge through the grass ceiling onto the bed, killing them both. The moral of the story? People who live in grass houses shouldn't store thrones.
Weeks later, the grass-weavers finished, and moved the king's property in. But the King wasn't happy. He wanted to build a king-size bed, but the massive stone throne used in the tribe was in the way. Figuring a second-floor throne room would be more impressive, the King ordered the workers to bring the throne upstairs, and then weave him a nice, big bed on the first floor.
A few more weeks later, the King finally moved in. On the first night, he and the Queen decided to test out the bed. Their testing got vigorous, and they shook the walls of the house, causing the heavy throne to plunge through the grass ceiling onto the bed, killing them both. The moral of the story? People who live in grass houses shouldn't store thrones.
