Funeral Customs

[Jogeephus]

TB - you endured the brutal part and missed the good part. The latter is where the celebration of life really got going.

 

[cowgirl8]

One time I attended a funeral of my step mothers mother. I did not know her. I had 4 kids in tow, one was a newborn and the others , 3 5 7... I went into the room where she was displayed. I had the 3yr old and newborn with me. The 3yr old was one of those kids who talked constantly. She was very active too. SHe was wiggling and standing in the pew and finally saw the open casket. She said, "Momma, what is wrong with that lady, she looks sick," lol... I shhhhed her, but that didnt even slow her down.. She said lounder, "Momma, what is wrong with her, she looks really bad." Took her out in the hall that time because I could hear snickers all around the room...

 

[Stanford777]

We buried my mother close to a month ago, and it was the funeral I've ever really taken a major role in besides being a pallbearer at other family members services. We did everything at our church due to the funeral homes in our area having limited space, visitation and funeral were both held there to prevent the lines out the door in our sweltering July heat and humidity. But seeing how well the service went I know that's how I want mine handled as well. To be in the church u were raised in, in the community u lived in surrounded by the folks that u meant alot too. It was an incredible thing to realize how blessed our family was and the impact my mother had on other people's lives. Between 450 and 500 in attendance for the funeral, they said at least 2000 came thru the visitation. It was hard to be sad when u witnessed firsthand the outpouring of love for mom.

 

[Jogeephus]

We buried my mother close to a month ago, and it was the funeral I've ever really taken a major role in besides being a pallbearer at other family members services. We did everything at our church due to the funeral homes in our area having limited space, visitation and funeral were both held there to prevent the lines out the door in our sweltering July heat and humidity. But seeing how well the service went I know that's how I want mine handled as well. To be in the church u were raised in, in the community u lived in surrounded by the folks that u meant alot too. It was an incredible thing to realize how blessed our family was and the impact my mother had on other people's lives. Between 450 and 500 in attendance for the funeral, they said at least 2000 came thru the visitation. It was hard to be sad when u witnessed firsthand the outpouring of love for mom.

That speaks volumes of your mother. Sorry for you loss.

 

[boondocks]

My grandmother died in 2007. She prepared for her death after my grandfather died in 1984. She always thought she'd die before him, but when he died, she had her name put on the tombstone and the dates, 1913 19--, to be filled in upon her death..lol....she lived longer than she thought and it had to be fixed. For the last 20ish years of her life, she had all her funeral things packed in her closet with instructions on each thing. From what she'll wear, the makeup and a list of songs to be sung. I went with my mom to the funeral home to inspect her before the funeral....I dunno, I just always found this so bazaar... As a kid, we always made the cemetery rounds to put flowers on EVERYONE who ever died in our family. I wished I had paid more attention and listened, but I was a kid and wanted to do anything else rather than go to cemeteries.
My mom handed me a envelope and said to open it when I got home. It was a contract saying that her body goes to science. She said she wants no ceremony...My inlaws want the same, although my MIL wants us to go out to eat afterwards. I, when the time comes, just want to vanish, and if my kids want to do something, I guess they can get together and go out to eat...lol

That is great. Reminds me of my own grandma, who was also a pistol!

 

[herofan]

I still pull over when a funeral precession passes.

Same here. It's still the custom here.

It's interesting to read the various customs. All the funerals I've ever been to have been religious based; in other words, we sing gospel songs and have preaching. Sometimes there is more than one preacher if the deceased left instructions for it.

I suppose one could call it a celebration of their life, but it's not a big party.

 

[jedstivers]

I been to a lot that the preacher gets carried away and basically tells us we're going to he77 just like the poor bast ard here in the box if we don't change our ways.
Was at one we got ask three times if we wanted to come foward and be saved. I thought we just needed the services for the departed since it was a funeral.

 

[herofan]

I been to a lot that the preacher gets carried away and basically tells us we're going to he77 just like the poor bast ard here in the box if we don't change our ways.
Was at one we got ask three times if we wanted to come foward and be saved. I thought we just needed the services for the departed since it was a funeral.

I know an older man who says he got saved at a funeral many years ago. I know another guy my age who didn't get saved at the funeral, but he said that is where the gospel touched his heart and he was saved later because of that seed that was planted, so they are glad the preacher took that direction.

I've heard some preachers say that they have heard many people say the gospel reached their heart at a funeral. Some feel that there are often people there who wouldn't otherwise be near a church, and if a good seed is planted in their heart, all the better.

 

[jedstivers]

Only time I've ever encountered that.

 

[D2Cat]

And times the departed leaves plans with family on their desire for that "preaching" to be done, or not!

 

[dun]

I still pull over when a funeral precession passes.

I've found that most times even on the interstate if the procession is visible that every one including truckers will generally pull over. Not just the direction it;s headed. They are usaully only one the interstate between 2 exits. Any where else around here everyone pulls over. When a funeral for a military person passes by, even walmart closes the doors while it passes. We've only had funerals for 2 soldiers so I don;t know if they would do it all the time.

 

[Caustic Burno]

I been to a lot that the preacher gets carried away and basically tells us we're going to he77 just like the poor bast ard here in the box if we don't change our ways.
Was at one we got ask three times if we wanted to come foward and be saved. I thought we just needed the services for the departed since it was a funeral.

I have seen them try and preach them into heaven as well.

 

[Bright Raven]

I been to a lot that the preacher gets carried away and basically tells us we're going to he77 just like the poor bast ard here in the box if we don't change our ways.
Was at one we got ask three times if we wanted to come foward and be saved. I thought we just needed the services for the departed since it was a funeral.

Not as common as it once was. My grandfather was a Fire and Brimstone Preacher.

Some of the lines that come out of those sermons has never left my head:

You may not like to hear it but brother you need it told to ya anyway!

 

[Bestoutwest]

I don't want anything big. I went to one for a young man that died in a car accident. They had his college choir come and sing, and it was just a lot to take in. However, there was a young man from the North Dakota Sioux tribe that walked up to the mic and said in almost a whisper "I'd like to sing the traditional mourning song of my people." He then backed away from the mic and just let loose with the most powerful and beautiful I've ever seen. I've tried in vain to find something similar on Youtube, but to no avail. I had to seek him out afterward b/c it was so powerful. Even today it brings chills to my skin.

For me, I'm headed to medical school. With all my medical issues, I should be a pretty good specimen. My only hope is that they make me talk and use the tendons to move my fingers and toes b/c I want to continue to have fun. I want the rest to be cremated and my wife can do with me what she wants, but I'd like to be made into a pretty tattoo on her that will make her smile and remember me when she looks at it.

 

[Dave]

When I was about 20 or so my mother's step dad passed away. The grandmother wanted her grandsons to be pallbearers. It was open casket. The preacher decided to take advantage of the opportunity and preach a good long fire and brimstone sermon. The whole time I am standing a few feet from the open casket. Old Archie didn't look good at all. Cured me of wanting to go to open casket funerals, be a pallbearer, and long winded preachers.
After that I fell timber from 20 years. Buried way too many young men way before their time. I avoid funerals if at all possible.

 

[herofan]

And times the departed leaves plans with family on their desire for that "preaching" to be done, or not!

True. Most of the older people I know around here have their funeral service planned. The fire and brimstone sermons, as everyone here calls it, is done around here by the old time Baptists, which I am.

Again, just different customs and what one is accustomed to. I grew up with that kind of thing. I knew there were different religions, but I assumed that is what all the Christian religions did. I remember the first time I ever heard another type of preacher. I was invited by someone to attend their church service. The preacher just stood there behind the podium and talked with a little raise of the voice from time to time. I think his sermon was written out.

I remember thinking that was the lamest excuse for preaching that I had ever heard in my life.

 

[Ryder]

In years gone by the gathering the evening before the funeral was the "wake". Some of us still call it that rather than visitation. Years ago some of the people would stay all night. That was to make sure the person was really dead and didn't 'come to' and be burried alive.

At many funerals it seems that some people will go up, look down at the body all made up in the box and comment, "Don't he look natural".
Personally I have never seen a natural looking corpse unless they looked naturally dead.

 

[herofan]

At many funerals it seems that some people will go up, look down at the body all made up in the box and comment, "Don't he look natural".
Personally I have never seen a natural looking corpse unless they looked naturally dead.

I must say, our local funeral home does a job that is beyond excellent. If it weren't for the fact that I had visited a few other funeral homes in my life, I wouldn't even know what people are talking about when they say "made up like a clown." Here, people look as though they are just lying there asleep. I can't speak beyond that, because I don't know any technicalities of the process, but they do a great job.

 

[Bright Raven]

At many funerals it seems that some people will go up, look down at the body all made up in the box and comment, "Don't he look natural".
Personally I have never seen a natural looking corpse unless they looked naturally dead.

I must say, our local funeral home does a job that is beyond excellent. If it weren't for the fact that I had visited a few other funeral homes in my life, I wouldn't even know what people are talking about when they say "made up like a clown." Here, people look as though they are just lying there asleep. I can't speak beyond that, because I don't know any technicalities of the process, but they do a great job.

Mom and Dad both passed away in the last 3 years. The same funeral home handled them and as you say, they have the skill and craft to present them well.

The custom we have of displaying dead bodies is IMO unsettling. At both funerals for my parents, I would prefer to not have had their corpses showcased for people. The same feeling was expressed by all my siblings. We preferred they be remembered in life, not in death.

 

[True Grit Farms]

I've always heard a funeral is for the family of the deceased this never made any sense to me. Personally I like the celebration of life type of funeral, even though those words don't really seam to fit together.