Funeral Customs

[Rafter S]

Like jed said, here visitations are mostly for people that won't be able to attend the funeral to pay their respects. The ones I've attended, or been a part of, are held at the funeral home, and aren't at all formal. The casket will be open, but the family is either seated, or milling around visiting.

As far as mine, I hope to be buried in my church cemetery, along with my father, grandparents, and great-grandparents.

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

Those people aren't cased in cement vaults and preserved forever. One day places like that will overgrown and be lost. Nobody will ever know it is there. Sorry but that's How it is and I think how it should be

It's all about respect here.

No disrespect to what you're doing. It's commendable.

Very commendable.

 

[HDRider]

It's all about respect here.

No disrespect to what you're doing. It's commendable.

Very commendable.

Indeed..

 

[cowgirl8]

We still have a viewing. My family started a custom, having both my siblings die fairly young. We will not have a pastor lead the funeral. It doesnt seem very personal. My father opens and speaks then prays. He then opens the mic for ANYONE that wants to share memories of joyful experiences or how the deceased impacted their life. He starts with family. It is a real special emotional and enjoyable funeral. It gives us insight to the side of their life we didn't know. It can go for hours but I enjoy every moment of it. Let's you know how special that person was and how many people they helped. I will carry on that tradition after my Father passed away.

That's how the funeral was that we went to last weekend....Was nice and short. They had finger foods set up. My inlaws were eager to get out of there so we didn't eat. The friend who died was the father of my husbands brothers first wife..They have one daughter and we all have known her forever. Her father was my inlaws good friend first. We are all still friends with brothers ex, which, started a war this week with brothers second wife. Ex is going to come out here to drop off things her father left to my husband, reloading supplies. This infuriated second wife who felt she was being betrayed, then wrote a nasty note to my thermally ill MIL.. Maybe i'll start a thread on "Who is the craziest person in your family?"

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

We still have a viewing. My family started a custom, having both my siblings die fairly young. We will not have a pastor lead the funeral. It doesnt seem very personal. My father opens and speaks then prays. He then opens the mic for ANYONE that wants to share memories of joyful experiences or how the deceased impacted their life. He starts with family. It is a real special emotional and enjoyable funeral. It gives us insight to the side of their life we didn't know. It can go for hours but I enjoy every moment of it. Let's you know how special that person was and how many people they helped. I will carry on that tradition after my Father passed away.

That's how the funeral was that we went to last weekend....Was nice and short. They had finger foods set up. My inlaws were eager to get out of there so we didn't eat. The friend who died was the father of my husbands brothers first wife..They have one daughter and we all have known her forever. Her father was my inlaws good friend first. We are all still friends with brothers ex, which, started a war this week with brothers second wife. Ex is going to come out here to drop off things her father left to my husband, reloading supplies. This infuriated second wife who felt she was being betrayed, then wrote a nasty note to my thermally ill MIL.. Maybe i'll start a thread on "Who is the craziest person in your family?"

Please don't.

 

[Caustic Burno]

No disrespect to what you're doing. It's commendable.

Very commendable.

Indeed..

Thanks it is about preserving history of the region as well. Some of the first Anglo settlers to the area.
It is not a big cemetery.
Thirty one souls are resting there for eternity .

 

[herofan]

This thread along with the social thread has taught me how funeral customs differ across the country.

I wasn't aware that so many people were into cremation. That's still fairly uncommon where I'm from.

One poster said he hadn't been to a funeral lately where paulbearers actually did anything. It's just the opppsite here; I've never went to a funeral where paulbearers didn't carry the casket.

It sounds like eating is a big part of the process other places. Here, some people do take food to the home of the family or the funeral home. The idea is that with a death in the family, it alleviates them having to prepare meals while in the grieving process, and a few close friends might come by after the funeral, but there is no party meal, and certainly no alcohol

I was also surprised that someone hasn't been to a funeral or visitation in 30 years.

 

[greybeard]

Still pretty customary here vistitation, service,procession and grave side.

That way up here, too. Here in the last ten years lots of people have opted out of a funeral and have just gone to a graveside service. The wife and I have forgone grave plots and opted for a memorial service since we will be cremated. But I remember as a kid there was always an elaborate visitation the night before the funeral. After the funeral and burial there was always a gigantic meal.

The visitations I've been to have mostly been low key/informal affairs.

 

[dun]

Haven;t been to a funeral in 30 years so don;t know. Around here they have "visitations". Have no idea how that works either cause I've never been to one.

Actually, I guess I used the wrong term and should have been more clear. All that I described above is part of the "visitation" and not the actual funeral.

I'm curious dun, have you been blessed and not had anyone die that you know in the last 30 years, or do you just not believe in the funeral process?

The funeral I went to 30 years ago was for the husband of a dear friend. I only went for support to her. There are very few poeple that I like the signifacnt other well enough that I would go to support them. For most I either can;t attend for some reason, distance/timing/money but mostly becuase I prefer to remember them as they were alive. Not made up like a circus clown with all the makeup trying to make them look like they aren;t dead. I also don;t use the term "passed" or "passed away". The died and are dead not some flowery euphemism.

 

[Farm Fence Solutions]

Lot of visitations are bigger now cause people can make them the night before but aren't able to get off work the day of the funeral.
"Here" depending on the person or the faimly there can be a pretty big drinking gathering the night after the funeral.
Can actually be several days of it too.
Lot of people want everyone to gather one last time and have smiles and good memories and not be crying over them.
Course "here" drinking is a pretty big part of life.

I've also given instructions to have the fire and feed on a Thursday and Friday so all my buddies can get a four day weekend out of the deal. Maybe even get some hay made.

 

[backhoeboogie]

One poster said he hadn't been to a funeral lately where paulbearers actually did anything. It's just the opppsite here; I've never went to a funeral where paulbearers didn't carry the casket.

Same here. It's an honor.

I still pull over when a funeral precession passes. Remove my hat.

Caustic you are noble. Maintaining a cemetery is commendable.

I've been to a few "Celebration of life" services but I never partake in food or beverages. I will tell stories and recount personal memories, on a personal level, if approached. I have been asked to speak once and that was an honor too.

 

[TexasBred]

I still keep up the family cemetery from the early 1800's .

Those people aren't cased in cement vaults and preserved forever. One day places like that will overgrown and be lost. Nobody will ever know it is there. Sorry but that's How it is and I think how it should be

It's all about respect here.

Seems to be more about celebration of life here. As a kid I remember the community always came together and prepared food for the family of the deceased, etc. Here the family provides a big meal for those that attended the service. There is usually plenty of cold beer, a lot of old stories and everyone leaves uplifted. I guess only the german, polish, czech natives would understand it.

 

[Jogeephus]

Seems to be more about celebration of life here. As a kid I remember the community always came together and prepared food for the family of the deceased, etc. Here the family provides a big meal for those that attended the service. There is usually plenty of cold beer, a lot of old stories and everyone leaves uplifted. I guess only the german, polish, czech natives would understand it.

Here, the black folks have the celebration of life thing down to a T when it comes to funerals. A black funeral will last a minimum of 3 days but 7 days is more common. Its a big deal with people coming from long distances to attend and a big time is had by all. The worst part of attending one is the church service. Pack a bag lunch is all I can say because these can go on for hours. Apart from that, its a big gathering similar to a family reunion.

 

[Chocolate Cow]

Ex-mother in law passed away a year or so ago in East Tennessee. Viewing & family visitation was night before funeral. Funeral-day two. Burial-day three. whew. Seemed a bit much but it wasn't for me to say. Around here, funerals are going one of two ways. Minimal-cremation with no service and a private family gathering at a later date or go-for-broke on the deal and make it bigger than any before. One thing I'm seeing and don't understand, why have the funeral with open casket then do a cremation after the funeral? Been several of those.

 

[slick4591]

The viewing of the body is not something I like to participate in. The wife says it's rude to walk out the door and wait on everyone that's viewing, but I want to remember the person as I last saw them alive. Too many times folks go downhill and have been unrecognizable to me in the casket, and I seem to not be able to get that sight out of my mind.

 

[cowgirl8]

The viewing of the body is not something I like to participate in. The wife says it's rude to walk out the door and wait on everyone that's viewing, but I want to remember the person as I last saw them alive. Too many times folks go downhill and have been unrecognizable to me in the casket, and I seem to not be able to get that sight out of my mind.

I'm the same way...i'll slip out and stand in the parking lot...Last open casket I went to, I saw 3 others just like me out there.

 

[jkwilson]

The viewing of the body is not something I like to participate in. The wife says it's rude to walk out the door and wait on everyone that's viewing, but I want to remember the person as I last saw them alive. Too many times folks go downhill and have been unrecognizable to me in the casket, and I seem to not be able to get that sight out of my mind.

I agree 100%. If it is a close family member, I don't look. I was 12 when one of my grandpas died, and it was years before my mental image of him wasn't sad as I remembered seeing him in the box. I've told my wife to dig a post hole, plop me in and plant a tree on top. I suggested something that flowers in the spring, but she said she was thinking a locust would work better.

 

[greybeard]

It's just an empty shell. What they look like in that casket don't bother me one way or another.

 

[Jogeephus]

The viewing of the body is not something I like to participate in. The wife says it's rude to walk out the door and wait on everyone that's viewing, but I want to remember the person as I last saw them alive. Too many times folks go downhill and have been unrecognizable to me in the casket, and I seem to not be able to get that sight out of my mind.

I agree 100%. If it is a close family member, I don't look. I was 12 when one of my grandpas died, and it was years before my mental image of him wasn't sad as I remembered seeing him in the box. I've told my wife to dig a post hole, plop me in and plant a tree on top. I suggested something that flowers in the spring, but she said she was thinking a locust would work better.

I feel the same way especially if they've had a long illness. I prefer to remember people when they were healthy and in their prime.

 

[TexasBred]

Seems to be more about celebration of life here. As a kid I remember the community always came together and prepared food for the family of the deceased, etc. Here the family provides a big meal for those that attended the service. There is usually plenty of cold beer, a lot of old stories and everyone leaves uplifted. I guess only the german, polish, czech natives would understand it.

Here, the black folks have the celebration of life thing down to a T when it comes to funerals. A black funeral will last a minimum of 3 days but 7 days is more common. Its a big deal with people coming from long distances to attend and a big time is had by all. The worst part of attending one is the church service. Pack a bag lunch is all I can say because these can go on for hours. Apart from that, its a big gathering similar to a family reunion.

Joe I had to attend one about 30 years ago.....must have had 3-4 preachers, two hours of services and I s weated through3 layers of clothing before it was over. THEN....had to go to the cemetery. Took up most of the day....I didn't go and hang out with the family afterward for the "gettin' down".