Daily Joke
- Thread starter slick4591
- Start date
Help Support CattleToday:
Nesikep
Well-known member
melking":3mza1jj3 said:
It doesn't have to be funny for me to spit Pepsi across the room
ga.prime
Well-known member
ga.prime
Well-known member
Nesikep
Well-known member
A guy texts his neighbor:
Dear Keith :
I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around,
probably more than you. I know it's no excuse, but I don't get it at home.
I can't live with the guilt any longer.
I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again.
The neighbor, feeling outrage and betrayed, grabs his gun goes into the
bedroom and without a word shoots his wife.
Moments later the guy gets a second text:
Darn that autocorrect... That should be "wifi"... Sorry!
Dear Keith :
I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around,
probably more than you. I know it's no excuse, but I don't get it at home.
I can't live with the guilt any longer.
I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again.
The neighbor, feeling outrage and betrayed, grabs his gun goes into the
bedroom and without a word shoots his wife.
Moments later the guy gets a second text:
Darn that autocorrect... That should be "wifi"... Sorry!
TexasBred
Well-known member
Tool Definitions
SKIL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh ****'. Will easily wind a tee shirt off your back.
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
Channel Locks:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal!!
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. Also excels at amputations.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
PVC PIPE CUTTER:
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object you are trying to hit. Also very effective at fingernail removal.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. These can also be used to initiate a trip to the emergency room so a doctor can sew up the damage.
SON OF A BYCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bych' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
SKIL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh ****'. Will easily wind a tee shirt off your back.
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
Channel Locks:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal!!
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. Also excels at amputations.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
PVC PIPE CUTTER:
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object you are trying to hit. Also very effective at fingernail removal.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. These can also be used to initiate a trip to the emergency room so a doctor can sew up the damage.
SON OF A BYCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bych' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
ranchersswiss
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2014
- Messages
- 81
- Reaction score
- 0
Q: What do cows read in the morning?
A: The daily moos.
A: The daily moos.
lmbrsn
Well-known member
OwnedByTheCow
Well-known member
Farmers have nice calves.
fenceman
Well-known member
What's the one thing two building inspectors can agree on.
That the third inspector doesn't know what he's talking about. :mrgreen:
That the third inspector doesn't know what he's talking about. :mrgreen:
TexasBred
Well-known member
Well Fenceman since you want to keep messing with the old construction inspector he's to you:
This Scottish builder walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.
"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..."
He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. "Ye see that pier on the loch?" He continues, "Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-Builder?' No."
"But sleep with ONE sheep ........." :mrgreen: ;-)
This Scottish builder walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.
"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..."
He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. "Ye see that pier on the loch?" He continues, "Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-Builder?' No."
"But sleep with ONE sheep ........." :mrgreen: ;-)
fenceman
Well-known member
Fair is fair tb. You always tell a great joke. :tiphat:
Every ones seen what I sleep with. :cowboy:
You misspelled a word to. Since you can beat me at a spelling bee. Don't let that get away from you ;-)
Every ones seen what I sleep with. :cowboy:
You misspelled a word to. Since you can beat me at a spelling bee. Don't let that get away from you ;-)
TexasBred
Well-known member
Well we know you call her the boss of something like that. No proof she allows you to sleep with her. Put some pics of the kiddos up son. We like them too. :nod: (Just hope they look like her). :hide:
fenceman
Well-known member
Call her top hand on ct. To know about the boss thing you'd have to have my house bugged of somethingTexasBred":3ugpqy91 said:
there's my granddaughter. Right there behind the jelly.
Way to pretty to be around me as well. :nod:
Yours
Sorry old boy ,but I was also taught pride is a good thing. :cowboy:
Ask top hand about some proof. Sorry she said no. Said don't worry about it you don't have any proof about the sheep either. ;-)
Nesikep
Well-known member
a. The number of physicians in the US is 700,000.
b. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year is 120,000.
c. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. (US Dept. of Health & Human Services)
Then, think about this:
a. The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000.
b. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1,500.
c. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188.
Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. As a public health measure I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical attention.
b. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year is 120,000.
c. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. (US Dept. of Health & Human Services)
Then, think about this:
a. The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000.
b. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1,500.
c. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188.
Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. As a public health measure I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical attention.
Nesikep
Well-known member
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Joe is looking for a fun new car. Joe goes to a dealership and the salesperson showes him a Corvette. The amazing thing about this Corvette is that it runs on Vaseline, not gasoline. Joe takes the Vette out for a test drive. He's redlining the tach and flipping through the gears and having a blast, when the engine goes cough couch kerchunk wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze, and stops. He's out of fuel. Joe spots a farmhouse, and starts walking over.
Inside the farmhouse, the farmer, his wife, and his daughter have just sat down to dinner. They discuss chores, and make an agreement. Whoever speaks the next word will have to do the dishes. Joe walks up to the farmhouse and taps on the screen door. He can see everyone inside, and can see that they all see him. He asks "can I come in?" and no one says anything. As no one said "no", Joe walks in. Joe notices that dinner has been served, and realizes he's famished. He asks if he may join the family for dinner. No one says no, so Joe digs in and eats his fill. Joe notices that the daughter is quite attractive, and begins to make comments to that effect. No one says anything. Joe asks the farmer if he may make love with the farmer's daughter. No one said no, so Joe and the daughter head upstairs and have passionate(though silent) sex. Joe and the daughter finish, and come back downstairs. Joe notices that the wife is very attractive too, and again, he asks if he may make love with the farmer's wife. No one says anything, so Joe and the wife go upstairs and have passionate sex. Joe and the wife come back downstairs, and and Joe looks at his watch. He's late! He's got to get that Corvette back to the dealership, but he's out of fuel! Joe thinks, and looks the farmer straight in the eye, and asks "do you have any Vaseline?"
The farmer gets up and slams down his fork and says "FINE! I'll do the dishes!"
This is an actual case.
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer 3 months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented an application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope to hell you find His original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our ???? loan?"
They got it.
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and became the chairman of Enron.
3 men go to heaven and are hanging out in line to get in. St. Peter walks up to his podium and says, "Gentlemen, your ride in heaven is determined by your faithfulness to your spouse."
The first man, Bob proudly walks up. St. Peter smiles, "Very good sir. Ever since you met your wife, never did you think about another woman and kept faithful to her in all your years. Here's the keys to your Rolls Royce." The man beams, takes the keys and Bob drives into heaven.
Mike seemed a little nervous but straightens his tie and walks up. St. Peter says, "Not bad, not bad. You had a wandering eye, and there was that one time with you at work with the secretary in the closet, but you stopped her short, gained control and confessed to your wife. Here's the keys to your Ford Escort". Mike nods acceptingly and drives into heaven.
Joe, third in line, is in a cold sweat, whistling and avoiding eye-contact. St. Peter says, "Joe!" He jumps but shakely approaches. "Obviously you've made amends because you're here but your history! Always flirting, always making those kinds of jokes, and there was that affair you kept secret for a few months with the gal down the street." Joe nods shamefully. "Again though, you told your wife and after much time and pain, you managed to pull it together and revoke your sinful ways." Joe sees a ray of hope. St. Peter finishes, "Here's the keys to your moped".
So Joe is mopedding around Heaven and see's Bob in his Rolls Royce at a stoplight. He says to himself, "Hey, I remember that guy from the line. I should go over and say hi". He pulls up next to Bob in his posh car only to find him bawling his eyes out. Joe says, "Bob, you're rolling around eternity in the finest car that ever existed. What in God's kingdom could be wrong?" Bob replies, "I just saw my wife on a skateboard!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Joe is looking for a fun new car. Joe goes to a dealership and the salesperson showes him a Corvette. The amazing thing about this Corvette is that it runs on Vaseline, not gasoline. Joe takes the Vette out for a test drive. He's redlining the tach and flipping through the gears and having a blast, when the engine goes cough couch kerchunk wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze, and stops. He's out of fuel. Joe spots a farmhouse, and starts walking over.
Inside the farmhouse, the farmer, his wife, and his daughter have just sat down to dinner. They discuss chores, and make an agreement. Whoever speaks the next word will have to do the dishes. Joe walks up to the farmhouse and taps on the screen door. He can see everyone inside, and can see that they all see him. He asks "can I come in?" and no one says anything. As no one said "no", Joe walks in. Joe notices that dinner has been served, and realizes he's famished. He asks if he may join the family for dinner. No one says no, so Joe digs in and eats his fill. Joe notices that the daughter is quite attractive, and begins to make comments to that effect. No one says anything. Joe asks the farmer if he may make love with the farmer's daughter. No one said no, so Joe and the daughter head upstairs and have passionate(though silent) sex. Joe and the daughter finish, and come back downstairs. Joe notices that the wife is very attractive too, and again, he asks if he may make love with the farmer's wife. No one says anything, so Joe and the wife go upstairs and have passionate sex. Joe and the wife come back downstairs, and and Joe looks at his watch. He's late! He's got to get that Corvette back to the dealership, but he's out of fuel! Joe thinks, and looks the farmer straight in the eye, and asks "do you have any Vaseline?"
The farmer gets up and slams down his fork and says "FINE! I'll do the dishes!"
This is an actual case.
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer 3 months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented an application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope to hell you find His original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our ???? loan?"
They got it.
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and became the chairman of Enron.
3 men go to heaven and are hanging out in line to get in. St. Peter walks up to his podium and says, "Gentlemen, your ride in heaven is determined by your faithfulness to your spouse."
The first man, Bob proudly walks up. St. Peter smiles, "Very good sir. Ever since you met your wife, never did you think about another woman and kept faithful to her in all your years. Here's the keys to your Rolls Royce." The man beams, takes the keys and Bob drives into heaven.
Mike seemed a little nervous but straightens his tie and walks up. St. Peter says, "Not bad, not bad. You had a wandering eye, and there was that one time with you at work with the secretary in the closet, but you stopped her short, gained control and confessed to your wife. Here's the keys to your Ford Escort". Mike nods acceptingly and drives into heaven.
Joe, third in line, is in a cold sweat, whistling and avoiding eye-contact. St. Peter says, "Joe!" He jumps but shakely approaches. "Obviously you've made amends because you're here but your history! Always flirting, always making those kinds of jokes, and there was that affair you kept secret for a few months with the gal down the street." Joe nods shamefully. "Again though, you told your wife and after much time and pain, you managed to pull it together and revoke your sinful ways." Joe sees a ray of hope. St. Peter finishes, "Here's the keys to your moped".
So Joe is mopedding around Heaven and see's Bob in his Rolls Royce at a stoplight. He says to himself, "Hey, I remember that guy from the line. I should go over and say hi". He pulls up next to Bob in his posh car only to find him bawling his eyes out. Joe says, "Bob, you're rolling around eternity in the finest car that ever existed. What in God's kingdom could be wrong?" Bob replies, "I just saw my wife on a skateboard!"
TexasBred
Well-known member
That's a lot of "accidental deaths" Nesi.
Nesikep
Well-known member
I can't verify the statistics... it does sound high
TexasBred
Well-known member
"Several days ago as I left the sale barn in Navasota to walk out to my pickup and was reaching into my jeans pocket from my truck keys.....got that sick feeling when I didn't find them there. I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down - other jeans pockets, shirt pocket - not there. Turned around real fast and trotted back into the sale barn. I did a quick search in the seats where I had been sitting - nothing. I asked everybody if they had seen my keys - nope. Then it hit me - I must have left them in the truck. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot outside the sale barn..
My wife, Verna Faye has scolded me a thousand times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the pickup will be stolen if I do that. As I burst through the doors of the sale barn and out into the parking lot,, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty - no pickup.
I immediately call the highway patrol. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the truck, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all.
"Honey," I stammered. I always call her honey in times like these. "I left my keys in the truck, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Verna Faye's voice.
"Cooter," she barked, "I dropped you off at the sale barn on my way to the grocery store!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, would you come and get me?"
Verna Faye retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince these *&%$&#$ highway patrolmen I have not stolen your *^%$^&%$$ truck!"
My wife, Verna Faye has scolded me a thousand times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the pickup will be stolen if I do that. As I burst through the doors of the sale barn and out into the parking lot,, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty - no pickup.
I immediately call the highway patrol. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the truck, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all.
"Honey," I stammered. I always call her honey in times like these. "I left my keys in the truck, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Verna Faye's voice.
"Cooter," she barked, "I dropped you off at the sale barn on my way to the grocery store!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, would you come and get me?"
Verna Faye retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince these *&%$&#$ highway patrolmen I have not stolen your *^%$^&%$$ truck!"
Named'em Tamed'em
Well-known member
Haha TB, locking my keys in the truck is something I fear.
