Women changing...or not changing... their last name

[HDRider]

Congratulations. I am not sure he knows how lucky he is.

How big of a disagreements is this, a 1 or 2, or is this an 8 or 9?

 

[wlamarparmer]

MM,
Congratulations !!! Not sure there is right or wrong answer to Your question. Most my female
colleagues that I know practice under the name they were awarded DVM and licensed under, and
use married name socially. A few use the hyphenated version socially, as ****** Smith-Jones. Marriage
is lots give and take, this may be y'all first big compromise. A few I know work and advertise (sign and correspondence)
under married name , leave licensing in original name.
W Lamar Parmer, DVM

 

[TCRanch]

Congratulations, MM!
My husband and I were together 9.5 years before we got married, engaged 6. Bought houses, had joint bank accounts, everyone pretty much considered us married and we did too, didn't really think "making it legit" would change anything, especially our relationship. But it did. In a good way! Solidified & made it stronger. In our case, assuming his last name was a part of it. But if you are struggling with the decision, I believe you already have your answer.

 

[greybeard]

It's been my experience, that married folks that want to keep separate names want to keep other things separate as well, but I've yet to see one yet that refused getting a$$et$ from the other one.
Kinda funny how that is huh? ....

 

[Brute 23]

Congratulations!

Mountains of paperwork, everyone knows me by the current last name, reputation with the current last name, etc. Compounding this is the fact that MM's first name starts with a Cla... and future Mr. MM's last name starts with a Kla... put together sounds like a train or tongue twister or something. Not a fan of the combination.

When I first read this it stuck me as odd. It sounds like you may be possibly more concerned with what you have built in your career than what you are about to build with your husband.

It's fairly common among all my female Dr friends and acquaintances to be Dr maiden name at work

Divorce is common also...

Enter the future Mr. MM's opinion. He feels it signifies not wanting to be part of "us"

I agree. If my future wife told me she did not want to change her name because... "its a hassle"... I would rethink my options.

 

[milkmaid]

Thanks all! Knew you'd have good input. Quick response since I got up late this morning and have to leave for work in a few...will get a longer response later.

How big of a disagreements is this, a 1 or 2, or is this an 8 or 9?

He says it's a 9. I think it's a 10 but he's reserving that "10" in case there's some future situation he wants to assign it to. lol.

Also know that the real traditional types look down upon those who don't change their name. Not real sure when a name took the place of a ring.

I wondered about that too....don't want it to affect my job/respect/etc.

Right or wrong, many people believe that a woman that won't take her husband's name wants to "wear the pants in the family", for lack of a better way to explain it. I'd say it's not so much you showing a lack of respect as other people possibly having less respect for him. Especially in a traditional, rural setting, like you're moving to. I'd hope you don't want that.

No, wouldn't want that. I think what you said is a lot of it... I've never known him to care about anyone else's opinion, but it may be that he doesn't care whether people like him or not as long as they respect him. He's worked hard for the reputation he has and maybe the thought of it being affected by this scares him?

He's a really good man y'all. MM wouldn't settle for anything less. He just apparently has a pretty traditional view of the way this should work.

 

[dun]

Asked my wife about this. Keep in mind that she's older so may have a different opinion. She said why not hyphenate it and when the kids come alng drop the hyphen part.

 

[Rafter S]

Right or wrong, many people believe that a woman that won't take her husband's name wants to "wear the pants in the family", for lack of a better way to explain it. I'd say it's not so much you showing a lack of respect as other people possibly having less respect for him. Especially in a traditional, rural setting, like you're moving to. I'd hope you don't want that.

No, wouldn't want that. I think what you said is a lot of it... I've never known him to care about anyone else's opinion, but it may be that he doesn't care whether people like him or not as long as they respect him. He's worked hard for the reputation he has and maybe the thought of it being affected by this scares him?

He's a really good man y'all. MM wouldn't settle for anything less. He just apparently has a pretty traditional view of the way this should work.

I didn't think you'd want that, and that's the point I was trying to make. It's fine to say that he doesn't care what other people think about him, but I'm sure you care what other people think of him. If you didn't that would be a whole other problem.

It's fine to say that it shouldn't matter to anyone, but as I occasionally have to remind my wife, "Real life isn't a Hallmark movie."

 

[ALACOWMAN]

My ex is a vet... She had more trouble with her first name than her last due to the spelling,its can be a mans or a women's..hers is spelled like a man... Folks would automatically assume she was one beforehand... I like Duns idea...Congratulations on the marriage, hope y'all the best...

 

[midTN_Brangusman]

I guess I am old school, but I would not want a different last name as my children. I also would not worry about your cliental, word passes pretty quick, I do not think it would affect your practice. Congratulations!

 

[ALACOWMAN]

I can see it might be a problem to change it at the same practice... But if your moving to another area,it probably won't make a difference..

 

[Rafter S]

I guess I am old school, but I would not want a different last name as my children. I also would not worry about your cliental, word passes pretty quick, I do not think it would affect your practice. Congratulations!

Having a different last name from her husband in a rural area might affect her practice, but not in a good way.

 

[Jogeephus]

MM,
Congratulations !!! Not sure there is right or wrong answer to Your question. Most my female
colleagues that I know practice under the name they were awarded DVM and licensed under, and
use married name socially. A few use the hyphenated version socially, as ****** Smith-Jones. Marriage
is lots give and take, this may be y'all first big compromise. A few I know work and advertise (sign and correspondence)
under married name , leave licensing in original name.
W Lamar Parmer, DVM

Good idea and this might cut down on some of the unwanted phone calls in the middle of the night if they can't find your name in the phone book. ;-)

 

[SmokinM]

Congratulations! My wife is a M.D and when we married she kept her name as it is a hassle to change all the liscences etc. as well as being known by patients. Bothered me a little at first but no biggie now although I still tease her about not wanting to claim me. (Don't blame her, just tease her). Our kids just have my last name. Outside the office she is called by both last names (not hyphenated) depending on how they know her. Welcome to marriage it is all about compromise and communication you both have to figure out what works you both. Best wishes!

 

[Dave]

Being one of the few here who have actually met you in person I probably knew your last name at one point. I do know your first name and I would advise you to keep it no matter what. I have a sister who got married and changed her name. Got divorced and changed back to her maiden name. Was working very high up in cooperate office of Nordstroms. Got married and kept her maiden name for professional reasons. Hasn't seemed to effect her marriage or profession. But they were both in their 40's and second marriage. I think things like that are less important the older one gets.
Congratulations!!!! Tell the future Mr. MM that I think no matter what the name is that he is an extremely lucky man. If I were 35-40 years younger I would have given him a run for his money.

 

[greybeard]

Asked my wife about this. Keep in mind that she's older so may have a different opinion. She said why not hyphenate it and when the kids come alng drop the hyphen part.

Ya mean like HRC and Ruth Bader Ginsburg did?

 

[Workinonit Farm]

First off, congratulations on your pending nuptials!!

As to your question, for what its worth, my husband has not taken any umbrage at me not taking on his last name. As he has stated, he knows I'm his wife, I know I'm his wife, our friends know, etc. His brothers, nor any of his/my/our male friends have ever had anything negative to say about it. (And we are NOT 'young folks')

"Socially" I am Mrs. C., Legally I am Mrs. V.

 

[HDRider]

Use a DBA for your practice. Old name to new name. Register your business and practice as Doing Business As "Old Name".

It can be viewed the name of your business and you can use it as always.

Consult an attorney.

I'd want my wife to take my name. That is me. You said he ranks this a 10. 10 is a tough start.

 

[milkmaid]

Congratulations!

I'm old school I guess but if you have children, what will their last names be?

His last name... I don't have any problem with that. I figure there's enough families out there where parents and kids have different last names that it shouldn't be a big deal for school etc. If I were to add his last name and have two last names... Dr MM maiden name married name... that would probably eliminate any potential confusion on that end.

It sounds like you may be possibly more concerned with what you have built in your career than what you are about to build with your husband.

No, I feel both are important... but after working the last 15 years to get into vet school, get through vet school, work as a vet, etc, that's a pretty big part of my identity. It is going to be a huge piece of work to change licenses in two states and all the associated paperwork.

We get married and I go from Dr MM my last name to Mrs his last name, that's a significant change. He was Mr his last name before and he'll still be Mr his last name after. Why should all the changes happen to me? lol. He asks why I don't want to be part of "us" - I do - I just don't want to give up the part that is "me" in the process of becoming "us." Does that make sense?

Anyway, I do appreciate y'all's input. Thanks.

 

[ALACOWMAN]

Probably not a good time to ask for a prenuptial then..... :cowboy: