Suggestions PLEASE!

[I luv herfrds]

I have been holding my temper for quite awhile, but now I am getting ready to blow.
As most of you know my best friend died in October.
While waiting in the hospital the family was getting ready to take her off of the machines and her husband asked for me to come into the room. As I was going into the ICU another woman grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out and told me I had to stay outside and keep the kids out. I told her I was asked to come in, but she told me to stay out. I told her I was getting sick of her bossing me around and to knock it off. She then went in and pulled my husband out, even though the husband had also asked him to stay.

I have seen this woman several times since and each time she has either put her arm around my shoulders or touched my back. I have told her not to touch me or even talk to me. Every single time she does this I fight the urge to hit her.

Is there anything I can say or do to get this woman to stay away from me?

She mainly does it in front of my friends family. Only one family member knows what she did.

By the way she was not a close friend of my best friend.

HELP!!!!

 

[grannysoo]

The act of touching or placing ones hand on anothers back has everything to do with control in this situation.

Don't get me wrong... there is nothing wrong with a touch in the correct situation, but when you have been told not to touch, it is a violation of your personal space and her attempt to show dominance over you.

Watch how politicians do it all the time. The touch, the hand on the shoulder or back, it's all designed to keep the "lower people" in their place.

Like you, I also find it very offensive. Perhaps instead of beating her teeth down her throat, when she touches, you just twist/turn away from the touch and say NO while looking her in the eyes. It works.....

 

[jw]

Granny is right. Don't concentrate on how mad you are at her, concentrate on how to politely put her in her place in front of other people. Don't hang on to the fury you feel, it will end up doing you more harm than good.

 

[I luv herfrds]

I have told her straight to her face to not touch me and she still does it.

Thanks Granny it looks like I will just have to be a b**ch and tell her very rudely to not touch me. She really likes doing it in front of my friend's kids.
I really don't want to do it in front of them because they will start asking questions.

I have pulled away and moved way from her. Even my husband has told her to stay away from me.

 

[Lammie]

She prolly isn't aware that she's doing it. I don't like being touched either, when it is unwelcomed.

If she does it again, and there are other people around, tell her again that you are not comfortable being touched by her in a familiar manner, because you do not consider her to be a friend. Be nice. Tell her, again, to never touch you again. Walk away.

I had a woman accuse me of stealing money from clients where I used to work. The money was stolen, but by my assistant, who was later fired for having a drinking problem. In fact, she tried to make me accountable for money that the last woman who had my job had been responsible for and never settled when she left.

I ended up filing a complaint to the HR manager because she accused me in the hallway, loudly, again, after I thought I had resolved the matter.

The woman later approached me in the parking lot like nothing had happened and touched my arm. I had the great pleasure of asking her to never talk to me again if it did not involve business. She never did.


I am not much of a touchy feely person. I like people, but I have my personal space which I do not like to be violated. I call it my "Don't F*** with me bubble".

 

[Jogeephus]

Since she always does it in the presense of others, like she wants to be seen. Let her. Then gently put your finger on her lips and politely ask her how her Herpes is doing and if the medicine is working to control it. When she goes to hit you, defend yourself and knock he77 out of her and you'll fell much better. :lol:

Nah. Don't do that, I'm being subjective and Grannysoo is being objective. He is giving good advice. But thinking my suggestion thru should make you feel better anyhow. ;-) :lol:

 

[dun]

Since it happened frequently I would just ask her ina loud enough voice that others can hear, "what the (insert appropriate expletive here) part of don;t touch me do you not understand?".

 

[Dave]

In a calm quiet voice ask her, "what part of don't touch me didn't you understand." Then ask her again in a very steady, quiet voice if she would like to step outside in private to discuss this further. DO NOT walk away. Stand your ground, say no more, and stare a hole right through her. This puts the ball in her court. She can either walk away from you (probably the better option) or step outside (maybe not the best option but one with a certain amount of personal satisfaction). Keep the talk very short and to the point. After that don't reply to anything she might say just stand there and stare her down. 99% of people will back off and back away when confronted like this.

 

[john250]

Push back!
And not gently. Just a flat palm to her shoulder or a sharp slap on the wrist. You aren't trying to hurt her but you are putting her on physical notice--verbal notice isn't working for you.
Of course, she may escalate. You might want to start working out.

 

[oscar p]

I would stick my finger in her face,and tell her in a quiet, stern voice, Dont ever touch me again, understand,do you understand. Wait for her to answer. If she don't answer ask her again. Then thank her.

 

[angie2]

Man, this has bugged me since I read it the first time!!

I'm a hands on person, but Granny is right ~ this is completly about control.

I think perhaps oscar has a good idea. Don't get physical, see too many of those in jail that hit someone that had it coming.

I understand that you are around others and don't want to be a jerk, but this is out of hand....

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

 

[Arnold Ziffle]

Rent the movie "Planet of the Apes" --- Charleton Heston's character has a pretty famous line, directed at the apes that touched him when he didn't want them to. If all else fails, perhaps you might want to use that line on her! :lol:

 

[I luv herfrds]

Thanks for all the suggestions, I will have to try them out, especially Jo's. :lol: Thanks Jo I needed the laugh.

 

[Ryder]

In voice loud enough for others to hear, but not screaming.
"I have asked you not to touch me. I find it offensive,"

Or, reach and take her hand and move it.

 

[cfpinz]

Nothing says "Don't touch me!" like a broken nose.

cfpinz

 

[Miss Daisy]

Nothing says "Don't touch me!" like a broken nose.

cfpinz

nothin says lawsuit like a broken nose. if this chick is as bi+chy as she sounds, you may wanna think this over.

 

[cfpinz]

Nothing says "Don't touch me!" like a broken nose.

cfpinz

nothin says lawsuit like a broken nose. if this chick is as bi+chy as she sounds, you may wanna think this over.

So true. I forget we are in the age of lawsuits and lawyers. Whatever happened to a good old friendly fight?

cfpinz

 

[Falcon254]

Next time tell her that you are going to have her arrested for assault.