These are all wonderful suggestions! Here's my rough draft:
Well, Another year has flowed by here at our place. Lil' Crowder Jr.finally suceeded in having his way with that Hooter's gal down the road. It was a great wedding. He's just turned 8 and and his happy little bride is 24. She's expecting twins, next Fall. Hope he gets a Vasectomy and dont make our shopping list any less affordable next year.
The Lil' Crowderettes are doing fine. Me and Ma are so thrilled that the Juvenile justice system has set them straight after that theft of the Humvee at the car lot.The 75,000 in restitution should keep them broke for a year or two.They are performing community service, Friday nites for the next 3 years down at the "Bubble Room" strip joint.
Ma's been fairing pretty well, since her "Body Makeover" the left one hung down about 6 inches lower than the right one, but we've noticed a dramatic shift upwards in her tips.She got a new pole put up in the hay loft to practice on for her Birthday. I ripped it off from the fire hall, but she dont know it.I'm 2 months late on payments for the surgery. They said if I miss another one, they'll be out to re-posess her. I'm sure gonna miss her!
As for me, I get a little bit senti-mental around the Christmas season. You know, another year come and went type of thing.The Ex-ol' Ladies new man called me the other day to tell me he thought she was cheating on him. Seems he found another gal's britches in her dresser. I told him he should really watch her! He should have been invited to that party. :shock:
I'm still hoping Ol' Santy Claus will bring me what I've been asking for all them years. My front tooths.I spent a week down at County Memorial this spring in ICU. I used deodorant for the first time and there was some type of Spontaneous Combustion under my armpits.Was not a pretty sight.
Mama is still bringing home the Bacon. She's been pulling double shifts down at the Organ Grinder. She has a new boyfriend named Ted. He wears a Bra and a Toupee'. I think his real name is Tina. He has a flatulence problem, but it's cut our pest contol bill in two. Ted leaves a stain on the couch when he gets up every morning.Him and mama are getting married in 2012. What a party to be lookin' forward to. Hope ya;ll get an invite.Ted's house arrest ends in only 5 more years.
That's about all the news that is news.
Have a Merry Christmas and a safe New Years.
The Crowders.