Letters Sent at Christmas

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Crowderfarms

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Ya'll ever get any of those letters some folks enclose with their Christmas cards catching everyone up with what has gone on in their lives and within their family's lives all year? :shock:


We're thinkin' of sending some this year, and looking for suggestions. :lol2:
 
Crowderfarms":2g8rcrgo said:
Ya'll ever get any of those letters some folks enclose with their Christmas cards catching everyone up with what has gone on in their lives and within their family's lives all year? :shock:


We're thinkin' of sending some this year, and looking for suggestions. :lol2:

The following are a few suggestions I thought of for you after receiving about a gazillion of those letters over the years.

Do lie your a$$ off about everything.

For example if your son "little johnny" has finally been expelled from school for all of the "artwork" he did in the boys can. You write it as "little johnny", after a recent showing of his artwork, has been accepted to the fine arts academy of home schools.

Do mention something about how much money you made over the year.(remember lie here!) DO NOT mention that your accountant is now living in Mexico after forgetting to pay your last three years payroll taxes.

It would be sweet if you added a little side note about your "wimmens". You could include something about your largess. (didn't you add the electric to their double wide this past year?)

The only other thing to add is have Mrs. Crowder edit the letter for any gross misrepresentations, misspellings etc. After she reads it she will more than likely turn it over and use the backside for her grocery list. :p
 
Quick! Copy and paste Medic 24's post "why do we do what we do" and put your name to it! :lol:

Sorry Medic...couldn't help myself. :oops:
 
I can relate. One of the wife's cousins and her family send out one of those letters each year. Only met them once, that was enough. I'm dying to send them one back: "Who gives a schmit?"

cfpinz
 
I just got one from the honest relative talking about the son that doesn't speak to her anymore and the unemployed daughter and two grandaughters who may or may not graduate this year if they don't get their butts in gear. :shock: :shock:

My dad does these too and spends way to much time on his hyperchond...er I mean health.

Not sure honest letters are any better.
 
Hit them all up for a loan and they won't be bugging you all year. :shock:
 
Crowder, Some of those are great. They come at a time when you have time to read them (sun sets too early in the winter). Lots of my elder relatives keep me in the loop with these and since mom and dad are gone, it is good to catch up. I try to call all my aunts and uncles a couple of times each year, but they write me.

What I hate are those that come from folks who have a lot of words and nothing to say. For instance most trees are green by default. Just say "tree" and I get the picture. "Oak tree" is even better. One has to say "the tree which is green in color". Too many words and I still don't know if it was an oak or pine :lol: .
 
Crowderfarms":2hludfbt said:
Ya'll ever get any of those letters some folks enclose with their Christmas cards catching everyone up with what has gone on in their lives and within their family's lives all year? :shock:


We're thinkin' of sending some this year, and looking for suggestions. :lol2:

Got to thinking. Why are you for looking for suggestions? No one knows how to make a story sizzle when it hits the fat better than you. :shock:
 
All I have ever seen in those things is complaining or bragging.

Don't think Crowder has room to do either. :lol:
 
We've received them almost yearly from a couple of folks and they were full of bragging. We get a good laugh from those.

We do get one yearly from a family and I enjoy them. They are just catching everyone up on what is going on in their lives. No bragging no complaining. The only way I know to explain it is that it is as if they are sitting there talking to you.

Crowder, just be yourself and your letter will be fine.
 
Dear Friend
It has been another interesting year for the Crowders.
Sales at the store are up 500%, and several customers might actually pay their accounts.
Maw found at job at Hooters and is bringing home big tips. She has to pay the Doctor only $150/mo for her enhancements, so we are considerably ahead on the deal.
We added a hot tub to the north side deck in July, and we are sooooo happy with it. Never had to turn on the propane burners, thanks to that global warming stuff.
The kids are fine. That zero-tolerance stuff in the schools really isn't fair, is it.
Well, we wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS.

No need to thank me, Crowder. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
 
These are all wonderful suggestions! Here's my rough draft:

Well, Another year has flowed by here at our place. Lil' Crowder Jr.finally suceeded in having his way with that Hooter's gal down the road. It was a great wedding. He's just turned 8 and and his happy little bride is 24. She's expecting twins, next Fall. Hope he gets a Vasectomy and dont make our shopping list any less affordable next year.

The Lil' Crowderettes are doing fine. Me and Ma are so thrilled that the Juvenile justice system has set them straight after that theft of the Humvee at the car lot.The 75,000 in restitution should keep them broke for a year or two.They are performing community service, Friday nites for the next 3 years down at the "Bubble Room" strip joint.

Ma's been fairing pretty well, since her "Body Makeover" the left one hung down about 6 inches lower than the right one, but we've noticed a dramatic shift upwards in her tips.She got a new pole put up in the hay loft to practice on for her Birthday. I ripped it off from the fire hall, but she dont know it.I'm 2 months late on payments for the surgery. They said if I miss another one, they'll be out to re-posess her. I'm sure gonna miss her!

As for me, I get a little bit senti-mental around the Christmas season. You know, another year come and went type of thing.The Ex-ol' Ladies new man called me the other day to tell me he thought she was cheating on him. Seems he found another gal's britches in her dresser. I told him he should really watch her! He should have been invited to that party. :shock:
I'm still hoping Ol' Santy Claus will bring me what I've been asking for all them years. My front tooths.I spent a week down at County Memorial this spring in ICU. I used deodorant for the first time and there was some type of Spontaneous Combustion under my armpits.Was not a pretty sight.

Mama is still bringing home the Bacon. She's been pulling double shifts down at the Organ Grinder. She has a new boyfriend named Ted. He wears a Bra and a Toupee'. I think his real name is Tina. He has a flatulence problem, but it's cut our pest contol bill in two. Ted leaves a stain on the couch when he gets up every morning.Him and mama are getting married in 2012. What a party to be lookin' forward to. Hope ya;ll get an invite.Ted's house arrest ends in only 5 more years.

That's about all the news that is news.

Have a Merry Christmas and a safe New Years.

The Crowders.
 
Crowder -
The easy way for YOU to save money on postage would be to only send this to YOUR friends. Shouldn't be more than one or two and since Paint can read it here, that's cuttin' the ol' postage cost even more!

BB

Now that was funny - no two ways about it!
 
So, you decided to go with an "honest" letter. :shock: Sometimes that is the best policy. Does make a person wonder though what you would have written if you would have exaggerated. :shock:
 
I am one of those people, I started making up Christmas newsletters about 3 years ago, after recieving several in hte mail from some friends, I really Love them, they are fun to make up, and can get kind of crazy with inserting this pic and that. I always tell the truth, but i think this year I went overboard with some of my pics, some of my relatives may shake thier heads, and say what I fear, I think she has gone over the deep end! LOL Its all in good fun, and only done once a year!

Gail
 

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