A bottle of Omega 3 Fatty Acids fell on my head yesterday at the store. Don't worry, I only got super fish oil injuries.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Once, there was a lumberjack who wandered into a magical forest. As he swung his axe at a tree, the tree said "don't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack replied, "and you will dialogue."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.