A man and his friend had been shootin the bull outside, about to go inside at their local barn on sale day. One of the guys is about to open the door when he sees a long funeral procession appear on the road next to the barn. He stops in mid-step, takes off his hat, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well I'm gonna miss her; we were married 35 years."
Two women were fighting bitterly for the last seat on a bus...
The tour guide tried to intervene but it was no use.
Finally, from up the front, the driver said, "Just let the ugly one have it!"
It got very quiet and both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.