Daily Chuckle

[wbvs58]

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Yes but the storm could have hurried them along a bit, don't spoil it for me. I liked that cute little brunette, Maryanne wasn't it?
Ken

 

[Son of Butch]

"Men get married thinking women won't change and they do. Women get married thinking men will change and they don't." - unknown

 

[coachg]

 

[coachg]

 

[greybeard]

Ya know why the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food...

Meanwhile, over in Hawaii, really huge African snails will soon be making their seasonal appearance, sliming their way across roads, sidewalks and onto your lawn, cropland and gardens. They have teeth too.


GIANT SNAILS!!! WALK FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

 

[JJColvin]

One of my employees just told me he bought tickets for a balloon ride for Valentine's Day, for his wife and mother-in-law.

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

 

[sstterry]

An American couple is driving through Canada and stops at a gas station to fuel up.

As the man goes into the station to pay, his wife calls out to him, "ask them where we are!" So the husband walks in, pays, and asks, "by the way, where are we?"

To which the attendant answers, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."

The man goes back to his car and the wife asks, "where are we?"

"He doesn't speak English" replies the husband.

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

 

[greybeard]

And now, for your daily dumb jokes..

How do you make a seven into an even number?
Take away the 's'.
.......................................................................
My former boss fired the janitorial staff because they were smoking pot.

He just couldn't stand high maintenance people..

 

[TCRanch]

View attachment 26333

Now that's funny!

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]

 

[Rafter S]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

Some years ago a local lady, who had run a day care that our son attended when he was young, had her car in the shop. Apparently there was a problem with the cruise control. This nice lady was at least in her mid 60's, and maybe early 70's. When she got her car out of the shop she was testing it to make sure the cruise control was working correctly. In the midst of doing that she got pulled over.

The officer said he stopped her because of her erratic speeds, and wanted to make sure she was okay. She was flustered about being pulled over, and when trying to explain why she was driving that way she misspoke and said "I was testing my birth control." She went on to clarify what she meant. The officer kept a straight face, said okay, have a nice day, and walked back to his car. She said she looked back in her mirror at him in his car and he was laughing so hard he was shaking.

 

[greybeard]

Someone once told me "Nothing rhymes with orange."

I replied:
"No it doesn't"

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

Truth

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, "Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"

Al replies, "I don't know of any. Let's ask our waiter if he knows." When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"

The waiter says, "I don't know, Señor. I ask the cook."

He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, "No Señor, cook say no Mexican Jews."

Al isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos" replies, "I check again, Señor!" He goes back into the kitchen.

While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."

The waiter returns and says, "Señor, the head cook, Tomas, say there is no Mexican Jews."

"Are you certain?" Al asks again, "I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"

"Señor, I ask EVERYONE." Replies the exasperated waiter, "All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, and Tomato Jews."

 

[Lee VanRoss]

Someone once told me "Nothing rhymes with orange."

I replied:
"No it doesn't"

You need a job,

 

[greybeard]

This IS my job...... (oh how far I have fallen).. but if I had a different job, everyone would be telling me "Don't quit your day job"

I was going to cook an alligator once but realized I only have a croc pot......