Crowder's Secret

[MikeC]

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Hello, My name is Hoochie Mama and Crowder is my man. He has taught me everything about the the cattle business and then some!

I was born and raised in Boston but Crowder moved me to Tenn. a while back so I could be close to him. He tells me fondly every day that "I am so ugly that I could sit on a tombstone and hatch a "Haint" (ghost). Giggle giggle wiggle wiggle.

The reason for my post is: Crowder has asked me to gain more weight and quit going to the beauty salon. He wants me look more "natural". He feeds me chitlins and cornbread every day to put on more pounds and I feel like it may be detriminal to my health in the long term.

What should I do?

P.S. I weigh 350 now.

 

[ctlbaron]

Ctlbaron has left the building. You have got to feed this one Crowder. I am packing up and moving to another farm,state or country so that Crowder can't pawn this one off on me. I wonder if Austrailian cattle man can use a good neighbor? If I knew Crowder would find me with this one, Austrailia wouldn't seem too far to go. Heck I'd swim there if I had to. :shock:

 

[MikeC]

Don't blame you a bit there boy. I would get tired of his leftovers too!

 

[Jake]

hey Crowder wasn't this the your prom date's picture?

bet "it" was fun to be around!!

 

[Crowderfarms]

Ctlbaron has left the building. You have got to feed this one Crowder. I am packing up and moving to another farm,state or country so that Crowder can't pawn this one off on me. I wonder if Austrailian cattle man can use a good neighbor? If I knew Crowder would find me with this one, Austrailia wouldn't seem too far to go. Heck I'd swim there if I had to. :shock:

Baron, now you need to confess to all the members of the board, that this is REALLY your other Woman. Tell all of us the truth. She was featured on "Extreme Makeovers Rural Edition" I tried to do you a favor, you asked for high frame scores, and I got the goods to you. You may try to flee, but trust me, this one's got flotation buddy. By the time you read this the Chinooks will have dropped her on to your place by Military Parachutes.A sort of Dumbo Drop. :shock:

 

[semen demon]

Now that's FUNNY!! I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE!

 

[MikeC]

WHOA!!!!

Hey Crowder! Just remember! When you turn the lights out.......you can't FEEL ugly.....but you can FEEL fat!!! ;-)

 

[Crowderfarms]

hey Crowder wasn't this the your prom date's picture?

bet "it" was fun to be around!!

Hell no, That's my Uncle Earl!! I thought that 20 year stay over at Brushy Mountain State Penitentiary would have done him some good. Guess it made things worse. When he got out he told me his name was Earline.And to think he used to bounce me on his knee when I was just a young Boy!

 

[Jake]

I was told by a doctor friend once that the reason that there are so many more men that become "women" than vice versa is because it's a lot easier to dig a hole that build a pole. Looks like Earline fell into that catagory....

 

[Crowderfarms]

I was told by a doctor friend once that the reason that there are so many more men that become "women" than vice versa is because it's a lot easier to dig a hole that build a pole. Looks like Earline fell into that catagory....

Very True, BUT he's still or she's still Kin.I have to protect it. With Buckshot. Upsides its Head.

 

[Jake]

As much hair spray as there is you might have to be close how close you fire that scatter gun around himer. Even the faintest amount of heat might burn it up.

 

[Jake]

Don't worry Crowder, I won't worry about your taste in women quite yet... None of your ex-girlfriends have been near as ugly as this one

 

[la4angus]

OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww.

UUUUUGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

[Crowderfarms]

Don't worry Crowder, I won't worry about your taste in women quite yet... None of your ex-girlfriends have been near as ugly as this one

Dang it Jake! Ol' telephone pole legs herself. :shock:

 

[txag]

hey Crowder, is this you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=TDmZ0irJfmY

 

[Crowderfarms]

hey Crowder, is this you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=TDmZ0irJfmY

Lord no. My style would never need to restrain me with tie outs.They do it with shere weight. Lots of it.

 

[ctlbaron]

I never shot a helicopter before. First time for everything I guess.