Wisdom for the Young'uns

[brokenmouth]

when lifting or pushing on something… He was straining like a dog passing peach seeds.

a hyper kid.. if you stuck a broom up his butt he would sweep the place out for you

when a kid is a uncoordinated… he runs like a chicken pulling a wagon.

being lazy.. If he was a dog he would lean against a wall to bark

 

[brokenmouth]

Lazy… That mans like a blister he wont show up till the hard works done

Fun.. we aint had this much excitement since the hogs ate little brother

looks.. she could make a train take a dirt road

or

he is so ugly when he was born the doc slapped his momma

or

she is fatter than a town dog

o r

he is so skinny he could take a bath in a gun barrel

 

[greenwillowherefords]

My grandpa said, when asked what he was doing, "Mildewin."

Or he'd say "Ain't that funny I stole honey and you stole money."

Or, "He's a pretty good boy, he just needs a dose of salts."

 

[brokenmouth]

"He's a pretty good boy, he just needs a dose of salts."

thats an old one but a good one. Another is.. Hes allright there just aint much demand for him.

 

[Campground Cattle]

"He's a pretty good boy, he just needs a dose of salts."

thats an old one but a good one. Another is.. Hes allright there just aint much demand for him.

Boy is like one of them airedale dogs smarter than he looks.

 

[Craig-TX]

If we could buy that clown for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth we'd all be set.

That fellow's so broke if it cost a nickel to sh-t he'd have to throw up.

 

[greenwillowherefords]

Another of Grandpa's: "He don't know split beans from coffee."

 

[TLCfromARK]

" He don't know whether to wind his butt or scratch his watch"

We're riding shanks mare today.

;-)

 

[CKC1586]

Another that my Dad repeated often"

A fartin horse will never tire, a windy man is the one to hire.

 

[fellersbarnoneranch]

Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.

-Pete Seeger

 

[J Baxter]

I've heard plenty of them myself..grandparents..oldtimers

It's hotter than two rats fornicating in a wool sock...

When asked if he's seen somebody.....he went into the woods to take a s... and the hogs ate him.

When surprised....we'll slap me nekid and hide my clothes

a perty gal....she's cuter than a rooster in socks...or she's pertier than two speckled puppies in a minner bucket...

or a break down...there ain't but three things in life I ain't got no use for...(whatever was broke at the time), ford tailgates, and jughead kids.

Or a know it all.....that sum of a beach thinks he can eat a crowbar and s... nails

JB

 

[certherfbeef]

My grandpa always said he was "happier than a 2 peetered puppy"

And

"It's not what you say, it's how you say it" I think that is how he managed to get through life with only one broken nose!! :lol:

 

[dun]

Diplomacy is the abiilty to tell someone to go to he-- in such a way that they look forawrd to the journey.

Like the halt leading the blind

I see said the blind man, you lie said the mute

dun

 

[J Baxter]

And grandpa always keeps a knife that is sharp enough to shave a sleeping mouse.

And an old friend of mine...when I asked him what's for supper always told me goat goobe ghoulash and suitcase soufle.

 

[docgraybull]

That boy's windier than a sack full of farts.

 

[Caustic Burno]

Tougher than a tow sack of wildcats

 

[Angus Cattle Shower]

My grand parents always say, It'll be better when youre a grandparent.......... Hopefully ohterwise theres somethin the matter with you.

 

[Muratic]

meaner than a sack full of snakes

 

[CattleAnnie]

Okay, couldn't resist passing on a few old saws from the frozen north.

"Big enough to burn deisel and pull a pup" Describing a mountain of a man or woman.

"Not too thin where the pin goes in" A less than flattering description of a broad beamed woman.

"Wild 'n' wooly 'n' full of fleas...never been curried below the knees" I know there's more to this one, but I can never remember it all...describes a head's up kind of cayuse (and sometimes rather rambunctious children).

"Dumber than a sackful of hammers" Which really is about the most illogical description for low intellect still floating around out there.

In the same vein:
"Not the brightest bulb in the pack"
"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer"
"The lights are on, but no one's home"

On another note:
"Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down" Another pearl describing the less the beautiful.

Hmmm...kind of tired tonight...let's see... oh, yeah:
"Hornier than a two-peckered billy goat" (sorry kids...don't ask your mom to explain it, okay?) Describing randy individuals..especially loggers or oilmen headed home after a long stint in the bush (for a long stint in the..never mind).

And finally...
"A snowball's chance in H E double L" Basically describing pretty poor odds.

Take care.

 

[Arnold Ziffle]

Meaner than a gut shot grizzly

Big enough to got grizzly hunting with a switch

Crazier than a sh*thouse rat

Crazier than a hydrophobied skunk

Thicker than hair on a hound

Raining like a cow peeing onto a flat rock

Madder than a wet hen

Busier than a one armed paper hanger; or busier than a set of jumper cables at a .....

Colder than a welldiggers a** ; colder than a witches t*t in a brass bra in January

Slicker than owl sh*t on a sycamore tree


Anybody know how long a "coon's age" is? As in: "I ain't seen him in a coon's age"