Sympathy - Etiquett - Poll

[Jogeephus]

GMN's thread reminded me of something that happened a few years ago and I just wondered if others shared the same opinion as I do about a certain gift.

One of my friend's children was born with heart disease and from birth the child had all sorts of surgeries but nothing could really be done for him and they predicted he would not live beyond the age of 12. He beat the odds but died when he turned 17. At the funeral someone handed his mother a scrap book they had put together that contained a lot of photos and things of the deceased.

What do you think about this?

 

[Red Bull Breeder]

I think it would have been a fine gift.

 

[3waycross]

I think i would have waited a while!

 

[cow pollinater]

I had to go with "no". A scrap book full of photos is something a mother does for her child to document their bond. When other people do it it's creepy and intrusive.
Even with my kids being alive(Thank You GOD) I would flip if someone handed me a scrapbook of my kids. I'd be under arrest for killing a stalker.

 

[heath]

I had a friend that was born with CF, she had a lung transplant but died at 25. Her death was not a surprise, just like the instance you refer to. There was scrap books and boards with pictures at her funeral. There was no need to wait, as her death was expected and inevitable, and her family was prepared.

 

[hillsdown]

I did not vote as grief is such an intimate thing and how one copes is different for each individual . There is no way to gage how someone is going to react to that . One might be offended, while another might be honored that they took the time to compile the scrap book of memories of their loved one for them.

 

[Anonymous]

Too many variables. Age, expected or not, who's giving the scrap book, how the survivors are handling it. Happy memories are always a welcome sight, and if in a book the receiver can always choose when to open the pages when they're ready.

 

[john250]

The presenter of the album should have a connection with the dead child such that motives aren't questioned.

 

[ALACOWMAN]

sounds great..... its the folks that show up wanting to know if you'll sell you'r farm, before your husband is even in the ground. are give me first shot at it... that i like to shove their teeth down their throats...

 

[chippie]

It depends. If the person was a close friend of the family, and the scrapbook included pictures of the deceased with his friends (maybe a child of the person who gave the gift) it could be nice. But don't give it during a public event like the funeral.

If the person was an acquaintance and had no relationship (like being a close friend) with the deceased , it would be out of place.

 

[LauraleesFarm]

It all depends on how prepared the parents are for the child's death. Also, how close a relationship between the parents and the person who made the album. And the nature of the photos.

Many times school's yearbook staff take lots of pictures of the kids that can be used in this way. Sometime down the road, the parent will be able to look at the pictures and think of their child. They would eventually appreciate it. Its just the presentation that could be tricky.

 

[greybeard]

For me, it was appropriate, and I cast my vote accordingly. It is quite commonplace nowdays (and I've been to a LOT of funerals in the last 5 years) for there to be either a board at the funeral, with dozens of photos of the deceased, a video slideshow of photos of the deceased's life and family, or both--with the next of kin getting the"memory board" and a copy of the cd that the slideshow was on right after the services.

 

[ALACOWMAN]

For me, it was appropriate, and I cast my vote accordingly. It is quite commonplace nowdays (and I've been to a LOT of funerals in the last 5 years) for there to be either a board at the funeral, with dozens of photos of the deceased, a video slideshow of photos of the deceased's life and family, or both--with the next of kin getting the"memory board" and a copy of the cd that the slideshow was on right after the services.

yep.. and at weddings to.... those are hard on the strongest of folks,i cant even watch a video of my oldest son as a towhead, and not tear up...and those are the best of times

 

[Commercialfarmer]

Personally, I'm pretty easy going and would likely take it as a nice gesture and look at it much later. But like ALA, I can't handle those videos and slide shows, especially at funerals. I'd rather have a root canal.

 

[Brute 23]

I think its acceptable. IMO with most things today people need to get past the "how it effects ME" and think about the hard work and thought who ever put in to the gift.... FOR YOU

Funerals have always been about celebrating life for me no matter how short or suddenly it ended. That is life. Tears and drama won't change that.

 

[GMN]

I think it would be very thoughtful, if it was a close friend or family member