Southern folks...

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Rafter S

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I might have mentioned this here before, but 25 years or so ago when I was working in North Dakota I heard some jokes they told about Norwegians. I tried to tell one or two at the local bar one evening.

The bar patrons laughed like they were the funniest they'd ever heard. Somebody finally told me the jokes weren't that funny, but me trying to sound Norwegian with my Texas drawl was hilarious.
 

Mrcopier

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1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. Onced and Twiced are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?

8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.

9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.

10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.

17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.

19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup.

20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.

21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name).

22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

23. You know what a hissy fit is..

24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!

AND one more:

26. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
All true
 

Cattlelow

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1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. Onced and Twiced are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?

8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.

9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.

10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.

17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.

19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup.

20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.

21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name).

22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

23. You know what a hissy fit is..

24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!

AND one more:

26. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
Yep - that's us. Lol
 

greybeard

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1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. Onced and Twiced are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?

8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.

9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.

10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.

17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.

19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup.

20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.

21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name).

22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

23. You know what a hissy fit is..

24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!

AND one more:

26. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
Ah kain't believe yall didn't mention skeeters........
 

Caustic Burno

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In my experience "fixinto" sounds far too articulate for most southerners. "Fixina", "fissina", or "finna" would be more accurate.
Yankees can’t understand proper English.
Your talking about people that call a porch a stoop.
We so stupid down here they put NASA here.
 

coachg

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Y’all ain’t got a clue . I live in Pisgah , if you know your Bible you’ll know . I really live in Blow Gourd , which is just a rock throw from Lizard Lope . Up hway 71 is Rosalie and the next little community is Flat Rock . I have kin folks that live in Smut Eye which is down the road from Perote. Sweet tea , grits , fried okra , fried chicken 🍗, fried taters , heck I know folks who fry Oreos ! And I forgot my favorite snack : boiled peanuts 🥜
 
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Travlr

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Y’all ain’t got a clue . I live in Pisgah , if you know your Bible you’ll know . I really live in Blow Gourd , which is just a rock throw from Lizard Lope . Up hway 71 is Rosalie and the next little community is Flat Rock . I have kin folks that live in Smut Eye which is down the road from Perote. Sweet tea , grits , fried okra , fried chicken 🍗, fried taters , heck I know folks who fry Oreos ! And I forgot my favorite snack : boiled peanuts 🥜
How far is that from Hog Scald, Arkansas?
 

SmokinM

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Iffenuculd- pronounced if-in- you -could. Example- Even iffenuculd ketch em’ ain’t no way enybudy wilst believe yuns fetched a haint.

Come on southern boys translate for those that dont speak english! If you understand that sentence you might be a Redneck! I know I am.
 

Caustic Burno

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Y’all ain’t got a clue . I live in Pisgah , if you know your Bible you’ll know . I really live in Blow Gourd , which is just a rock throw from Lizard Lope . Up hway 71 is Rosalie and the next little community is Flat Rock . I have kin folks that live in Smut Eye which is down the road from Perote. Sweet tea , grits , fried okra , fried chicken 🍗, fried taters , heck I know folks who fry Oreos ! And I forgot my favorite snack : boiled peanuts 🥜
I have a bunch of folks buried at Mount Pisgah here.
 

Rafter S

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Y’all ain’t got a clue . I live in Pisgah , if you know your Bible you’ll know . I really live in Blow Gourd , which is just a rock throw from Lizard Lope . Up hway 71 is Rosalie and the next little community is Flat Rock . I have kin folks that live in Smut Eye which is down the road from Perote. Sweet tea , grits , fried okra , fried chicken 🍗, fried taters , heck I know folks who fry Oreos ! And I forgot my favorite snack : boiled peanuts 🥜

My wife and I drove through Cut & Shoot when we went to Florida last winter.
 

Caustic Burno

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Cattlelow

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Iffenuculd- pronounced if-in- you -could. Example- Even iffenuculd ketch em’ ain’t no way enybudy wilst believe yuns fetched a haint.

Come on southern boys translate for those that dont speak english! If you understand that sentence you might be a Redneck! I know I am.
A few years ago I used the word haint in a book I was writing. My story was set in the Louisiana during the Civil War. My editor tried to explain how most people wouldn't understand the word and could loose interest. I suggested a glossary for clarication and the term haint remained. I love a good ghost story. 👻
 

Rafter S

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Nogalus Prairie is another Texas hole in the wall of history.
My mom’s people are the Davis’s from there. Trinity county was a wild place up until the 1980’s.

Navasota (closest town to me) was pretty wooly back in the day too. From Frank Hamer's page on Wikipedia: "In 1908, he resigned from the Rangers to become the City Marshal of Navasota, Texas, a lawless boom-town wracked by violence; "shootouts on the main street were so frequent that in two years at least a hundred men died."
 

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