More Catholic Humor

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Well-known member
Aug 15, 2007
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Heart of Texas
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
"I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but
then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're
not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's
and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw
that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"


There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love
to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into
a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off your face."

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked,
"Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal
in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin'
what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature." Muldoon said,
"I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: "I am 82 years old, have a wonderful wife of
60 years, many children, grandchildren, and great
grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up three college
girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had
sex with each of them"

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Man: "What sins?"

Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Man: "I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"

Man: "I'm 82 years old .. I'm telling everybody." :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:


Well-known member
Jun 2, 2007
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Haha all of those were good! Here is something a friend sent me once, he found it on the internet. You will have to click it and zoom in to read it. sorry.

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