jobs

[cowgirl580]

WHEN you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this on your way home from work, stop at your Pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson.
BE very sure you get this brand.WHEN you get home, lock your doors,
draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
CHANGE into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite
chair, open the package and remove the thermometer.
NOW, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will
not become chipped or broken.

NOW the fun part begins -
TAKE out the literature and read it carefully.
YOU will notice that in small print there is a statement,
___ "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally
tested"___

NOW, close your eyes and repeat out loud 5 times,
"I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson.
___

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE
WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS!

 

[ranchwife]

thank you for the reminder.....had a "crappy" last few days at work (detoxing and alcoholic while he was in the middle of DT's, a few ugly car wrecks, an obvious case of child abuse, a broken hip, a GI bleed, etc), but your posting made me laugh and reminded me to "lighten up!!"
thanks!!

kris

 

[cowgirl580]

your welcome. just think of it every time you get a difficult "customer". i know how bad alcoholics can be. i've worked as a bartender and right now i dispatch at the local pd.

 

[cowgirl580]

Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that
some individuals throughout the company have been
using foul language during the course of normal
conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints
received from some employees who may be easily
offended, this type of language will no longer be
tolerated. We do however, realize the critical
importance of being able to accurately express your
feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY
SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper
exchange of ideas and information can continue in an
effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're
doing.
2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball -busting b__ch.
3) TR Y SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to
do this?
4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.
5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh__ing me!
6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f______ problem.
8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be
implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:&nb sp; Why the f____ didn't you tell me
sooner?
11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm on salary.
15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?
18 ) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,

Human Resources

 

[cowgirl580]

OK !!! This is serious, people !!!!"


====================================
Mouse Balls
How to replace mouse balls

I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a real
memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all
seriousness It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral
problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.
----------------------------------------------------
Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

1. If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

2. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).

3. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of
mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

4. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining
the underside of the mouse.

5. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.

6. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of
the mouse.

7. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.

8. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.

9. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive.

10. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

11. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used

immediately.

12. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for

13. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel
in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

14. Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls
is an unhappy customer.

 

[Farmhand]

Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[jerry27150]

cowgirl , you need to get out of the gutter more.

 

[ranchwife]

Cowgirl....loved the one on foul language...sad but true....before i became a nurse, my language was fairly clean....now i use more 4-letter words in one 12 hour shift than i use to use in an entire week....gonna take your writing and pin it up in our staff lounge!!!! outta get a few chuckles and more than a few red faces!!

 

[fellersbarnoneranch]

I am sure the one with the language will be a fovorite of those that visit in the 14 &1/2 and under age group.

 

[Medic24]

Hey ranchwife...have ya ever been tempted to take the child abusers outside to let them see what it feels like to be beaten or worse? Maybe get them lost in the wilds of that big state of yours? :x

 

[cowgirl580]

who's mind was in the gutter? certainly not mine. yeah right. ya caught me. i forgot about the youngsters on here. i will screen my messages better, cuz your're right fellers.

 

[9 ER]

Keep em comming Cowgirl! Laughed my butt off :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[cowgirl580]

i get more fwds everyday, but i have to screen the ones in my inbox. i'd like to post the one i have about condom sponsors, its all pics, but i don't think the admin and moderator would like it too much.