I don't even own any cows, I just like to tell you all how I would do it if I did. I'm the founder of the IFOfA (Imaginary farmers of America) but not to be confused with IFOA (Imaginary friends of America). At IFOfA, we take pride in our organization. It's a very select group which is why you've probably never heard of it. In all my years as an IFOfA member, I can tell you that no one has ever had more cattle than I. It just simply hasn't happened. I hate to give out all my secrets, but as a member of IFOfA, you'll learn key things like- never show your hand first. I've ran stockers, I've had a cow-calf operation, I've even been involved in the feed lot industry. But even as an IFOfA member, I've never been dumb enough to own a dairy like some people. Even with an imaginary dairy, it's just too much dam work.
If any of ya'll are interested in IFOfA membership, you can message me.
For a small one time upfront entry fee, not only will you get official membership, but you can chose from an assortment of contrived agricultural associations decals of which you can claim membership by placing one or two on your vehicle; we will ship you some real cow manure to rub on your jeans, or your hat, or your boots- you choose!; our quarter-annual membership fees come packaged appearing as vet bills, feed bills, fuel bills, parts... leave them laying around and your friends will be amazed, or leave them on the dash of your truck and wadded up in your glove box or stuffed in the cup holder like a real cow man; we'll send you a weekly email of rural words with pre-made sentences that you can show off. Plus there's more. At IFOfA, we care about your appearance.
If your a man or woman that just needs time away from the family.... maybe it's the kids, maybe you have a special someone, maybe you just want to watch the games or go hunting. IFOfA, may be the organization for you. It might just be the perfect side business you need to take care of your "side business". Think about the time after work, or weekends that you could be spending at the "farm". You decide when the farm is the busiest or when the dang heifer(s) is/are going to calf. For a small service fee, we can send more regular billings, bank statements, loan payments, letters from tax agencies to throw off more immediate family members.
Maybe you need a little extra money for the ponies, playing poker with the guys, or that other little secret habit of yours? We can help you out! We can set up an automatic draft to your personal bank account and get that farm of yours in the red in no time. You can find the cash in your IFOfA checking account and make withdraws as YOU see fit. A small interest fee will apply.
Remember, your happiness is just one membership away!
Not responsible for divorces, IRS complications, lost child custody, child support, new children, alimony, jail time, job loss, substance abuse, failed re-hab, diseases (above the belt, at the belt or below the belt), death threats, broken legs, or just a good beating.
