Here we go again

[MO_cows]

Sounds like you are God's gift to those kids right now. Just focus on them and they will put joy back in your heart.

 

[Dave]

There is no telling who will fall victim to drugs. My youngest son, who is technically a step son, was abandoned twice by his mother. When she ran off and left me there was a rather messy divorce going on. My son who was in his Jr year of high school sort of laid low at the homes of two friends. Both homes were two parent educated successful households. I considered them a good place for him to be at that time. Fast forward 12 years. My son has a great wife, a baby on the way, a good job and his own home. Those two friends from good families........ one died of an over dose about two years ago and the other is a full out junkie. Who would have guessed that they would fall and my son would come through it clean?

Boogie you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Anonymous]

There is no telling who will fall victim to drugs. My youngest son, who is technically a step son, was abandoned twice by his mother. When she ran off and left me there was a rather messy divorce going on. My son who was in his Jr year of high school sort of laid low at the homes of two friends. Both homes were two parent educated successful households. I considered them a good place for him to be at that time. Fast forward 12 years. My son has a great wife, a baby on the way, a good job and his own home. Those two friends from good families........ one died of an over dose about two years ago and the other is a full out junkie. Who would have guessed that they would fall and my son would come through it clean?

Boogie you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm fully convinced god does not give us more than we can handle.
Case in point:
Wife has a cousin. Cousin has 3 kids by 3 different baby daddies. Cousin has 3 dui's, rehabbed successfully for drugs but can't stop drinking. but the kids are good kids despite what they have been shown.
Then take us, god loving, ethical, honest etc parents that give a dang, and we've got 2 kids that are a challenge to say the least.
Now if the cousin had our kids, and we had hers it would make sense. But she would crack if she had to deal with ours.
Not trying to hijack BHB, but I know that BHB has been given no more than he can handle. I hope this makes sense.

 

[backhoeboogie]

It isn't hi-jacking Hook. It is just the flow of the thread. If someone goes through this experience and benefits from discussions, that's a good thing.

Each situation and individual is unique. Some people will not similarities to some. The addiction itself is the common ground/theme.

 

[wv mud river]

God bless your family. praying for you. this could happen to any family.I have seen it.alot of these people come from good families.maybe jail time is what it will take to save her life.take care of yourself and the boys.look for a good sunday school class for the boys. it will help.a church family is good to have in tough times .Gods word, a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

 

[Deepsouth]

BHB, I'm not a councillor I do jail ministry but It's a teaching ministry not counseling. I will say this though I am a man of deep faith in the God of creation and just as I believe in this good God I also believe that there is evil in this world also. I don't think that you would disagree with me in saying that this evil is the cause of your daughters problem. Yes I believe that Satan is real and I believe there are demons and I believe that demons can take many forms such as drugs. If what I am saying is true and the drugs that have taken control of your daughter are demonic then that means this battle is more spritual than physical. So when dealing with spiritual problems we must look for spiritual solutions.
I agree with everyone else that have replied that the best place for your daughter right now is in jail. She must learn that there are consequences for her actions. I know it hurts you as a father to see your child in jail but if she gets out now she is going right back to the drugs. I know this because I have seen it to many times. There are some really good people who get into this stuff and they end up in jail where they sort of dry out and they realize what it is doing to them but when they get out they find out how weak they really are and get right back on it and usually right back in jail.
I am sure you feel helpless and confused as how to fight this battle. I would say for one thing don't give up. Drugs are powerful but they are not undefeated. As I said this is as much or more a spiritual battle as it is physical one. I would recommend that you check out The Home Of Grace For Women in Mobile, Al. This place dose some amazing things with people like your daughter. Their success rate is not 100% but it is very high compared with similar organizations. Just Google homes of grace.
I don't know where you stand spiritually and I am not judging you but I do know that while God dose not cause these problems He dose use them to to draw people closer to Himself. Only in Him will any of us ever find sure hope and true peace. He is a source of patience and strength during these trying times that we all face from time to time. Pour your heart out to Him, tell Him exactly how you feel. Don't hold back anything if you are angry at Him tell Him so, He can take it, but also listen for an answer. While waiting for an answer as we often have to do search your on heart for anything that comes between you and God (sin) we have all sinned against Him but He still loves us and will forgive us if we confess our sins to Him and trust Him to forgive us.
As I said I am not judging you myself. What your daughter has done is not your fault and you should not blame yourself just as I nor anyone else blames you. I think hooknline made very clear that people make their own decisions of their own freewill. Your first concern right now as you yourself have already said is the boys. Right now their well-being depends on your own state-of-mind, spirit and soul. You need strength as you probably never have in your life physically, mentally and spiritually. Never give up hope!

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:25,26


My thoughts and prayers are with you. May God Bless.

Todd

 

[Deepsouth]

God bless your family. praying for you. this could happen to any family.I have seen it.alot of these people come from good families.maybe jail time is what it will take to save her life.take care of yourself and the boys.look for a good sunday school class for the boys. it will help.a church family is good to have in tough times .Gods word, a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

+1 to this.

 

[Caustic Burno]

Deep South I totally agree on the church family. A major problem in this country today is door's. There are evil forces at work, and many of them are in our living room every night, it is called the TV.
People are not using the doors on the church house. There is not a new problem to man that the instruction manual does not address.

 

[lavacarancher]

BHB, I was listening to one of my favorite singers yesterday and heard this song. I don't think she (Emmy Lou Harris) wrote the song but it has special words, at least for me.

"Those lives were mine to love and cherish
To guard and guide along life's way
Oh God forbid that one should perish
That one alas should go astray

Back in the years with all together
Around the place we'd romp and play
So lonely now I oft' times wonder
Oh will they come back home some day

I'm lonesome for my precious children
They live so far away
Oh may they hear my calling, calling
And come back home some day

I gave my all for my dear children
Their problems still with love I share
I'd brave life's storm, defy the tempest
To bring them home from anywhere

I lived my life my love I gave them
To guide them through this world of strife
I hope and pray we'll live together
In that great glad here after life

I'm lonsome for my precious children
They live so far away
Oh may they hear my calling, calling
And come back home some day"

 

[backhoeboogie]

Her "friends" bailed her out of jail. She came to town. The boys got to see her and were thrilled.

The cops kept her phone. Probably lots of numbers and evidence in it.

My wife (we're still married) went down and renewed her phone (that's in my name) and committed me to another two years of paying her bill. This let her get a "free" phone to give the daughter. No one asked me anything. I asked the wife why and she went to pieces. Tears flowing for hours. Daughter calls me up wanting to know why I did not want her having a phone. She can go buy a phone and get her own plan. She's 27.

Then the wife takes her down to get her driver's license again, insures her, and sends her off in an old Park Avenue we had.

I cannot win. I aint worth a flip at tough love but I am at a total loss with everyone else in the family being on a different team. The wife is delicate as is. Breathing issues and all kinds of anxiety over this. I care about her and care deeply. I just can't deal with all of this over and over and over. I am sick to death of being stepped on by both of them.

 

[1982vett]

Her "friends" bailed her out of jail. She came to town. The boys got to see her and were thrilled.

The cops kept her phone. Probably lots of numbers and evidence in it.

My wife (we're still married) went down and renewed her phone (that's in my name) and committed me to another two years of paying her bill. This let her get a "free" phone to give the daughter. No one asked me anything. I asked the wife why and she went to pieces. Tears flowing for hours. Daughter calls me up wanting to know why I did not want her having a phone. She can go buy a phone and get her own plan. She's 27.

Then the wife takes her down to get her driver's license again, insures her, and sends her off in an old Park Avenue we had.

I cannot win. I aint worth a flip at tough love but I am at a total loss with everyone else in the family being on a different team. The wife is delicate as is. Breathing issues and all kinds of anxiety over this. I care about her and care deeply. I just can't deal with all of this over and over and over. I am sick to death of being stepped on by both of them.

Hmm....make a statment....go down and pay the early termination fee and have it cut off...then give them a letter stating will not be responsible for any other than the one(s) you already are paying for...expensive point but a point none the less.

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

As much as we men don't like to admit it Backhoe, you need a support team around you. Find an Al-Anon group in your area and start going to their meetings. Your wife needs to go as well if she will.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I wish you the best my friend.

 

[Caustic Burno]

As much as we men don't like to admit it Backhoe, you need a support team around you. Find an Al-Anon group in your area and start going to their meetings. Your wife needs to go as well if she will.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I wish you the best my friend.

Your right here TT. Boogie wife is a counsler through CASA, your daughter is not the only one that has a problem.
Wife, other family members and you need to get in a program and stop enabling the behavior.
The addict's become expert manipulator's to achieve their goal and know the members that will sustain them.
THe addict usually ends up destroying the family.

 

[backhoeboogie]

THe addict usually ends up destroying the family.

Yes indeed. Weak spots break. Strong spots weaken. The family is already destroyed. I am mostly just trying to pick up my pieces and go forward.

Those boys are the number one priority. Their aunt took them and her three to the museums today. LOL she'd got her handful with 5 of them 5 years and under. She's on the same team I am. It gives me someone to count on. Bless her and thank the good lord I have her too.

 

[Anonymous]

As much as we men don't like to admit it Backhoe, you need a support team around you. Find an Al-Anon group in your area and start going to their meetings. Your wife needs to go as well if she will.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I wish you the best my friend.

BHB you got a support group of sorts right here.
You can pm me or call me anytime if you want

 

[backhoeboogie]

As much as we men don't like to admit it Backhoe, you need a support team around you. Find an Al-Anon group in your area and start going to their meetings. Your wife needs to go as well if she will.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I wish you the best my friend.

BHB you got a support group of sorts right here.
You can pm me or call me anytime if you want

I appreciate each and every one of ya'll. If ever I can offer advice through my experiences, I'd be glad to help anyone any way I could.

It is simply a matter of sucking it up and going forward. Do the right things. Those boys have to be the focus.

Good friends are a fortuneate thing to have. Most everyone around town knows how hard I worked at raising the girls. I can hold my head high.

This time it happened in Tarrant County so the family name won't be smeared all through the small town tabloid with additional embarrassment.

She is beyond my control. I can do thing with these boys I am raising.

 

[Ryder]

Boogie, you can't really take responsibility for any adult other than yourself. You will seriously harm yourself trying.
Take a couple of minutes and quit struggling, center yourself, and claim personal integrity for yourself.
This is where your strength will come from. It may or may not make a difference in others, but your first priority, your first responsibility, is to yourself and your own well-being.

 

[maryk]

I agree with Tennessee. Get into an al-anon group. It did wonders for me. You choose to share or not, I didn't for a while to hard, but it gets easier. There is even a Bible that goes with the program. It's called the Life recovery Bible. I use it just about everyday. And yes I encourage your wife to go and hopefully it will stop her enabling your daughter. I also agree with cutting off the phone, let her do it herself. Some one has to stop the enabling, may it be you. My prayers are with you the boys and your entire family.

 

[cow pollinater]

Family counciling for you and your wife might help quite a bit towards getting yourself and her on the same page in dealing with all of this. You need each other to deal with this but you can't have each other if you're going seperate ways... You have it right in the "No more help" mentality but it may take a third party to guide your wife to that mindset. :nod:

 

[James T]

Her "friends" bailed her out of jail. She came to town. The boys got to see her and were thrilled.

The cops kept her phone. Probably lots of numbers and evidence in it.

My wife (we're still married) went down and renewed her phone (that's in my name) and committed me to another two years of paying her bill. This let her get a "free" phone to give the daughter. No one asked me anything. I asked the wife why and she went to pieces. Tears flowing for hours. Daughter calls me up wanting to know why I did not want her having a phone. She can go buy a phone and get her own plan. She's 27.

Then the wife takes her down to get her driver's license again, insures her, and sends her off in an old Park Avenue we had.
I aint worth a flip at tough love but I am at a total loss with everyone else in the family being on a different team.
I cannot win. The wife is delicate as is. Breathing issues and all kinds of anxiety over this. I care about her and care deeply. I just can't deal with all of this over and over and over. I am sick to death of being stepped on by both of them.

Sorry, I'm not buyin what your sellin. Sounds like to me that your doing very well with the tough love thing. Your standing up for what's right and your being rejected. That's the tough part. Been there and am still there. The world is full if titty kids. Some of them now 50 years old, still being coddled. What happens to them when there is no one around to coddle them anymore? They become history real fast because they never learned how to deal with life. You're sending a strong message and at a high price but, it will be worth every cent. And, your saving yourself in order to take care of good grandkids. What's the first thing they teach a Lifeguard? Never get close to the drowning victim. Why is that? It's ok to throw them a rope if they are really willing to grab it.

"The addict's become expert manipulator's to achieve their goal and know the members that will sustain them.
THe addict usually ends up destroying the family." Very well said!!!