Here we go again

[lavacarancher]

BHB, I can't believe how close our situations are. Had to kick my daughter out three months ago because she was stealing from me or rather her grandmother. She just ripped our hearts out and the grandson has to suffer. He's still with us but she is sleeping on the street as far as I know.

I am so sorry for you and your family and especially for the grand babies. If you're ever down around Victoria stop by and we'll drink a glass of tea and catch a few catfish out of my tank.

I know this means absolutely nothing right now but don't beat yourself up. I can tell from talking with you over the past few years what your values are and I believe you raised her right. Sometimes no matter how hard we try to do the right thing we get kicked in the teeth.

God Bless!!!!

 

[Deepsouth]

Man I hate to hear this. I have 2 daughters myself one of them give us a scare. She got really rebellious during high school especially with her mother but she has straightened herself out alot in the last couple of years. She never did drugs that I know of but I was worried. I can't imagine what your going through but I will be praying for you that God will work all this out for the best especially for the boys.

 

[backhoeboogie]

Thanks everyone. My other daughter, their aunt, is always guying them clothes and neat stuff. Her heart breaks for them. She and her husband both are engineers. Their three daughters and the boys are a hoot when they are all together. Anyway, this daughter and her husband will be the examples for the boys as to what a successful life is.

My wife is still at a loss and her health is suffering from this. Stress mostly. I have spent most of the weekend with her and the boys are here at her apartment. She does not need to be alone.

We all have to move forward.

 

[Jalopy]

Sorry to hear this BHB but I think your act of tough love will go a long way in helping your entire family. Remember you always have help from above. Best wishes as you struggle through this difficulty

 

[Kathie in Thorp]

Thanks everyone. My other daughter, their aunt, is always guying them clothes and neat stuff. Her heart breaks for them. She and her husband both are engineers. Their three daughters and the boys are a hoot when they are all together. Anyway, this daughter and her husband will be the examples for the boys as to what a successful life is.

My wife is still at a loss and her health is suffering from this. Stress mostly. I have spent most of the weekend with her and the boys are here at her apartment. She does not need to be alone.

We all have to move forward.

The boys need to know their mom is sick, but that she has to do most of the healing herself. I don't know what I'd do if I was in your box, Boogie. I'd like to think I'd offer my love and moral support, but make it clear that there are no more pockets to pull $$ from. And she may have blown any further shot she at treatment with this new charge -- there might be no more "choices" for awhile. Sorry, Boogie!!

 

[Grandpa]

Boogie, I'm sorry for your pain and sure understand your anger. Having put both of my kids through rehab (one for alcohol, one for meth), one thing I learned is the tough love stuff is the only thing and the best thing you can do. Any help at all will be seen as a ticket for her to pretend she will straighten up but keep on doing her thing. Both of my kids did straighten up, but I saw former students who didn't. One girl kept getting off easy through the justice system here over and over (I'm about 30 miles southwest of you), and now is facing a 30 year sentence because of repeated offenses. She is devastated at giving up her two children. One of the boys I taught and thought the world of, died this week at 24 from mixing alcohol and drugs with his diabetes. They have to be at their rock bottom point to want to get any better; some just have a lower rock bottom than others. My son described it as lying at the bottom of a deep well with a broken back and no way out. But they have to figure it out for themselves and do it themselves. Nothing you can do except love them and not give them any help or hope of enabling. My wife was the classic enabler; she believed every word they said, and I believed none of it. It's a wonder I'm still married and sometimes I wonder why. It's not a reflection on you or the way you raised her, and it's far more widespread than you would imagine. I don't know why our kids are determined to make those mistakes, but you and your daughter and her mother will be in my prayers.

 

[Caustic Burno]

I got the call from her mother. First degree felony. 5 to 99 years. 11 ounces in the house she was in when they kicked in the door. The entire family is devastated beyond description.

Her mother is having breathing issues. She did not want to be alone so she spent the night here at the house with me and the grandsons. What do we tell them?

My daughter finally called me about 4 in the afternoon Friday. I told her that her mother was having anxiety and breathing issues. The phone call lasted an entire 14 seconds. I was with friends. Tears were shed. I couldn't help it when I began to wonder what I was going to tell the boys. They still don't know.

This garbage has gone on 10 years now. This time around I refuse to spent a single cent on attorneys, bail - anything. I aint even going to take one single trip to the big house so that the boys can see her.

Those two grandsons are absolutely my sons now. They're mine to raise and I could not love them anymore than if they were my own. I have had them both since birth anyway.

I can't sleep. I can't believe I raised this daughter.

Boogie this is not on you, kids make the wrong decisions every day. The difference is in our youth stuff wasn't out there if you tried it one time you are hooked for life. They have to make this journey alone and they are the one's that have to decide they want out. I watch good parent's every weekend go visit the kid.
Boogie all you can do is pray. This is bad stuff like we never encountered in our youth. One hit and you are messed up forever. Working with guy's in the prison ministry the sytem is 90% full because of drug's for every offense imaginable.
The thing that is mind blowing these are some most brilliant and nicest people you will ever meet dried out. You talk with them and ask why, they will tell it happened at some party or with some friend. I have heard them say you will do anything to try and get that first high again and you can't. I don't have the answers to this nor do I think anyone else doe's either. My prayers are with you friend and stay the course. This is not the first time this has happened and has plauged parent's for generations. Luke 15:11

 

[Deepsouth]

I got the call from her mother. First degree felony. 5 to 99 years. 11 ounces in the house she was in when they kicked in the door. The entire family is devastated beyond description.

Her mother is having breathing issues. She did not want to be alone so she spent the night here at the house with me and the grandsons. What do we tell them?

My daughter finally called me about 4 in the afternoon Friday. I told her that her mother was having anxiety and breathing issues. The phone call lasted an entire 14 seconds. I was with friends. Tears were shed. I couldn't help it when I began to wonder what I was going to tell the boys. They still don't know.

This garbage has gone on 10 years now. This time around I refuse to spent a single cent on attorneys, bail - anything. I aint even going to take one single trip to the big house so that the boys can see her.

Those two grandsons are absolutely my sons now. They're mine to raise and I could not love them anymore than if they were my own. I have had them both since birth anyway.

I can't sleep. I can't believe I raised this daughter.

Boogie this is not on you, kids make the wrong decisions every day. The difference is in our youth stuff wasn't out there if you tried it one time you are hooked for life. They have to make this journey alone and they are the one's that have to decide they want out. I watch good parent's every weekend go visit the kid.
Boogie all you can do is pray. This is bad stuff like we never encountered in our youth. One hit and you are messed up forever. Working with guy's in the prison ministry the sytem is 90% full because of drug's for every offense imaginable.
The thing that is mind blowing these are some most brilliant and nicest people you will ever meet dried out. You talk with them and ask why, they will tell it happened at some party or with some friend. I have heard them say you will do anything to try and get that first high again and you can't. I don't have the answers to this nor do I think anyone else doe's either. My prayers are with you friend and stay the course. This is not the first time this has happened and has plauged parent's for generations. Luke 15:11

Good post CB. I'm not trying to highjack the thread but I do jail ministry myself one night iwas talking to a group of about 35 or 40 prisoners and I asked them this question. "How many of you are here because of drugs? You may not have been arrested for drugs but they may have still played a role in you doing what you did." Everyone of them raised their hands. It is a terrible problem in our nation even in our rural areas.
CB is right no family is immune it touches everyone.

 

[Anonymous]

Deep south you are absolutely correct. It affects everyone.
My brother is on the streets because of his addiction. In and out of jail. I've put him thru full rehab on my dime twice. Failed both times. He's on his own now.
Had my daughter arrested 3 weeks ago for using in my house. Court arraignment comes up and they drop the charges. How does that teach her anything?
Anyway, my heart goes out to everyone dealing with this devil. It's a whole different world now compared to when we grew up. The stuff out there is More potent, and more addictive than ever before.

 

[ifarm26]

My prayers are with you! Be there for the boys and raise them cause in my eyes and most they are yours. Some say don't give up on your daughter, but I'm in law enforcement and I've seen too many good people loose it all trying to help someone that doesn't want it. A local farmer sold it all his equipment saturday at an auction. His daughter has been locked up and rehabbed so many times I think everyones lost track. This gentleman was a business owner, land owner, and farmer. Now he has sold everything to once again help his daughter out, and you guessed it, she is still selling and using. He has spent well over $300k on her rehab, bail, and replacing things she has stolen from neighbors, she got my auger about 10 years ago. Make sure the boys have the best life possible and you will be rewarded. You can't help those that don't want it. Again my prayers are with you!

 

[backhoeboogie]

Good post CB. I'm not trying to highjack the thread but I do jail ministry myself one night iwas talking to a group of about 35 or 40 prisoners and I asked them this question. "How many of you are here because of drugs? You may not have been arrested for drugs but they may have still played a role in you doing what you did." Everyone of them raised their hands. It is a terrible problem in our nation even in our rural areas.
CB is right no family is immune it touches everyone.

If you got anything, anything at all, that will help families, minister away. It aint hi-jacking at all. It is helping other folks. We've lived it and I have no answers to the insanity of it all.

Thanks everyone else for your words and comments.

We tried counselling. We have thrown a lot of nickels at this starting way back and on and on. I finally said enough. It seems I got enough way before everyone else did.



Spent the whole weekend at the wife's apartment. She's all to pieces.

Jail phone calls are $15 a piece. She finally quit accepting them. She's probably $400 into the weekend phone bill.

We had a lot of quality time with the boys. The oldest loves jig saw puzzles. The weather was bad so I bought a dozen and played xBox with him. I aint worth a flip at it but he had a good time. We put together most of the puzzles.

ifarm we are probably $260K in to this situation. Just the drug part of it all. I will take responsibility for raising the boys. That's it. Not another penny gets thrown her way.

 

[Workinonit Farm]

I will take responsibility for raising the boys. That's it. Not another penny gets thrown her way.

Again, will continue the prayers for strength for you and your family. IMHO you are doing the right thing.

Katherine

 

[Limomike]

Boogie.. so sorry to hear about all this. MY prayers are with you and your family.. My cousin went thru the same thing with his own son. I think you are doing the right thing.
In my estimation, its always the way it happens... the lawyers, courts, law... always finds the money trail, and gets what they can. Better off leaving them behind bars, the first time, and not spending a dime. I know its easier said then done.. but sometimes its the only way to save a life.
Sounds like those boys are in good hands... but I do have a question. Wheres their Dad??

 

[backhoeboogie]

One father is in jail. The second father is down around Clifton somewhere and I have never met him. That is embarrassing too. But it is just another one of those things. She was raised better. From what I know of the first, they are better off not knowing him. From what I see and hear about the second's father, it is pretty much the same situation. Neither make attempts to see the boys. They would have had to put me behind bars to stop me from seeing my kiddoes.

A good friend offered something earlier today. He said, "When they are babies they sometimes step on your toes. When they are adults, they can step right in the middle of your heart."

 

[Limomike]

One father is in jail. The second father is down around Clifton somewhere and I have never met him. That is embarrassing too. But it is just another one of those things. She was raised better. From what I know of the first, they are better off not knowing him. From what I see and hear about the second's father, it is pretty much the same situation. Neither make attempts to see the boys. They would have had to put me behind bars to stop me from seeing my kiddoes.

A good friend offered something earlier today. He said, "When they are babies they sometimes step on your toes. When they are adults, they can step right in the middle of your heart."

Yep, I agree,.. the wife and I have said several times it might have been less heart wrenching only raise our cattle & dogs.. rather than kids.

 

[Greg]

Prayers from South MS , I had to sell half my herd last year to keep my wife out of jail
because of crack. Told her no more money. Hang in there.

Greg

 

[slick4591]

I've done that "I love you but no" thing a few times. Sorry you have to go through it again.

 

[GMN]

That is a tough situation-she is your daughter, BUT if she isn't willing to help herself or get off the drugs, she has to get some tough love thrown her way, maybe lose her kids, go to jail, and just figure it out. its not easy on her kids but they should not be around a Mom who is using drugs. if she really loved them she would put them first and get her life together. Maybe by helping her out all these years, she has just come to expect it, and knows she can fall back on yous for help-once she realizes she can't-she can get scared and maybe change can occur in her life. Do you have legal guardianship of the kids? if not you should get it, so you can legally raise them-

 

[DavisBeefmasters]

It's a good thing those boys have you... you give them stability.

Her choices = her results, sounds plain and simple but sure is hard to remember.

Our lovely grand-daughter is now 3 1/2 years old, we suspended our daughter's parental rights and have legal guardianship (since she was 8 months old). We don't know who the father is -- not quite sure she does either, but she is a wonderful, beautiful child.

When asked "where's my mom? where's my dad" -- the response is simple --> I don't know, but when I figure it out I'll let you know. When she's older, she will know the truth.

Good for you boogie, stand strong, have confidence in the boundaries you set for yourself and how (if allowed) she can re-enter your life and theirs... is it 6 months minimum of clean drug tests? rehab? steady job for 6 months? Whatever you establish now - before things flare up - stick with it! Just like when they're little you've got to hold your boundaries.

You are not alone - You are a good, strong person. God Bless.

 

[kerley]

I am so sorry and understand your pain. My kid brother served alot of time in jail for his drug habits, finantually ruined my parents and died many years to soon because of drugs. It is not your fault. God Bless You and your family.