What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a hillbilly?
The good ol' boy raises livestock. The hillbilly gets emotionally involved.
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired
and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently
woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to
bother you, but would you be willing to reach
into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm
awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied, 'Why not, just
for tonight, let's pretend that we're married'
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied cheefully, 'Then get your
own damned blanket.'
After a moment of silence, he farted.
One day in the town of New Braunfels, where
there is a large German-speaking population, a
local rancher was driving down a country road when he noticed a man using his hand to
drink water from the rancher's stock pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser
nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen." Which means: "Glad to meet you! Don't drink
the water. The cows have **** in it."
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York City and just down here campaigning for
President Obama. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."
The rancher replied: "I said, use both hands!"
One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer
and married man, was at his home in Dallas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.
A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window
and asked, "Excuse me, do you speak English?
Lee responded, "Yes Ma'am, I do."
The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?
Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her."
The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more
children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very
loving woman and said, "Thanks unto God, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first,
second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
The good ol' boy raises livestock. The hillbilly gets emotionally involved.
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired
and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently
woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to
bother you, but would you be willing to reach
into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm
awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied, 'Why not, just
for tonight, let's pretend that we're married'
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied cheefully, 'Then get your
own damned blanket.'
After a moment of silence, he farted.
One day in the town of New Braunfels, where
there is a large German-speaking population, a
local rancher was driving down a country road when he noticed a man using his hand to
drink water from the rancher's stock pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser
nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen." Which means: "Glad to meet you! Don't drink
the water. The cows have **** in it."
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York City and just down here campaigning for
President Obama. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."
The rancher replied: "I said, use both hands!"
One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer
and married man, was at his home in Dallas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.
A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window
and asked, "Excuse me, do you speak English?
Lee responded, "Yes Ma'am, I do."
The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?
Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her."
The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more
children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very
loving woman and said, "Thanks unto God, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first,
second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
