A lawyer, a cattleman and a restauranteur traved to France in the 19th century. They fell in with the wrong crowd and were soon living a life of crime. They were eventually caught, convicted and condemned to die by guillotine. On the day of execution the lawyer went first and was given the opportunity of a blindfold and asked if he wanted to be face up or face down. In a final act of bravado he chose no blindfold and face up. But when the lever was pulled to drop the blade, the blade didn't fall! The executioner declared "Divine intervention" and freed the lawyer. The cattleman went next and emulated the lawyer by also choosing no blindfold and face up. Again the blade failed to fall and the cattleman was freed. The restauranteur went last, also face up with no blindfold. But just as the lever was about to be pulled to drop the blade he said "Wait, I see what's wrong".
Daily Joke
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Son of Butch
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There you go City Guy. I fixed all of those spelling errors for you.City Guy":bvth67er said:
Nesikep
Well-known member
No, I didSon of Butch":w261tn6a said:
A female, blonde state trooper stops a female blonde driver for speeding. "I need to see your license" she said.
"what's a license?" the driver asked. "I don't think I have one"
"Of course you do" the trooped barked, "look in you purse, it's the size of a credit card and has your picture on it"
The driver rummaged thru her purse and found a rectangular mirror. "Oh, this must be it" she declared and handed it to the trooper
The trooped looked at it and said " Sorry, I didn't realize you were a cop".
"what's a license?" the driver asked. "I don't think I have one"
"Of course you do" the trooped barked, "look in you purse, it's the size of a credit card and has your picture on it"
The driver rummaged thru her purse and found a rectangular mirror. "Oh, this must be it" she declared and handed it to the trooper
The trooped looked at it and said " Sorry, I didn't realize you were a cop".
Charlesetta Huwe
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Here's a collection of jokes about cows! Have a good laugh! I did!
http://funkidsjokes.com/jokes-about-cows/
http://funkidsjokes.com/jokes-about-cows/
A MAN AND A BOY ENTER A BARBER SHOP. THE MAN GETS A HAIR THEN PUTS THE BOY INTO THE CHAIR.
"I HAVE TO RUN SOME ERRANDS' HE SAYS TO THE BARBER, ' GIVE HIM A GOOD HAIRCUT"
TWO HOURS LATER THE MAN HAS NOT RETURNED AND THE BARBER IS CONCERNED.
"WHERE'S YOUR DAD" HE ASKS THE BOY.
"OH HE'S NOT MY DAD" THE BOY REPLIED
"WELL,WHO IS HE?' THE BARBER DEMANDS TO KNOW
"JUST SOME GUY WHO WANTED TO KNOW IF I WANTED A FREE HAIRCUT", THE BOY ADMITS
"I HAVE TO RUN SOME ERRANDS' HE SAYS TO THE BARBER, ' GIVE HIM A GOOD HAIRCUT"
TWO HOURS LATER THE MAN HAS NOT RETURNED AND THE BARBER IS CONCERNED.
"WHERE'S YOUR DAD" HE ASKS THE BOY.
"OH HE'S NOT MY DAD" THE BOY REPLIED
"WELL,WHO IS HE?' THE BARBER DEMANDS TO KNOW
"JUST SOME GUY WHO WANTED TO KNOW IF I WANTED A FREE HAIRCUT", THE BOY ADMITS
ez14
Well-known member
I dont know if this one is on here or not but here it is
An old Indian chief goes in to the treading post to buy toilet paper there are two brands to chose from feathersoft or no name brand first he gets feathersoft but when he comes back later he says its to expensive and he gets no name brand he comes back a little later and says he has come up with a name for no name brand, john wayne toilet paper. the treader says yeah whys that? The chief says cause its rough tough and dont take $h!t from indians
An old Indian chief goes in to the treading post to buy toilet paper there are two brands to chose from feathersoft or no name brand first he gets feathersoft but when he comes back later he says its to expensive and he gets no name brand he comes back a little later and says he has come up with a name for no name brand, john wayne toilet paper. the treader says yeah whys that? The chief says cause its rough tough and dont take $h!t from indians
JMJ Farms
Well-known member
I'm gonna post these on the joke thread but they are actually all true.
1) Old man we will refer to as Uncle Pete lived in a very small town. One day he went to the county seat which was a larger town. While he was there he proceeded to turn the wrong way on a one way street and began driving down it. A local police officer pulled him over. The officer said to him "Sir you're driving the wrong way on this street" Uncle Pete responded "How you figure?" To which the officer responded "You didn't see those arrows?" Uncle Pete then replied "Arrows. Man I didn't even see the Injuns!"
2) Uncle Pete was also known to take a drink or three. One night he came home drunk and his fine Christian wife began to pray for him saying "Lord please help my poor drunk husband" to which Uncle Pete said "No, No, No Please don't tell him I'm drunk. Tell him I'm sick"
3) A friend of mine came home drunk one morning and his wife met him at the door. As he staggered up the steps she said "My oh my. Drunk again" not missing a beat and dead serious he responded "HeII me too"
1) Old man we will refer to as Uncle Pete lived in a very small town. One day he went to the county seat which was a larger town. While he was there he proceeded to turn the wrong way on a one way street and began driving down it. A local police officer pulled him over. The officer said to him "Sir you're driving the wrong way on this street" Uncle Pete responded "How you figure?" To which the officer responded "You didn't see those arrows?" Uncle Pete then replied "Arrows. Man I didn't even see the Injuns!"
2) Uncle Pete was also known to take a drink or three. One night he came home drunk and his fine Christian wife began to pray for him saying "Lord please help my poor drunk husband" to which Uncle Pete said "No, No, No Please don't tell him I'm drunk. Tell him I'm sick"
3) A friend of mine came home drunk one morning and his wife met him at the door. As he staggered up the steps she said "My oh my. Drunk again" not missing a beat and dead serious he responded "HeII me too"
True Grit Farms
Well-known member
JMJ Farms
Well-known member
True Grit Farms":u8klaqgk said:
There it is. Problem solved
op:Son of Butch
Well-known member
Are you trying to say The definition of confusion... is Father's Day in Harlem?
and here I always thought it was... The blind lesbian at the San Francisco Fish Market.
and here I always thought it was... The blind lesbian at the San Francisco Fish Market.
Nesikep
Well-known member
And down south, "Hi dad" gets about 20 guys attentionTrue Grit Farms":9c3nvgyu said:
True Grit Farms
Well-known member
Nesikep":17g6ayxi said:And down south, "Hi dad" gets about 20 guys attentionTrue Grit Farms":17g6ayxi said:
Nesikep, are you insinuating we have prettier women in the south?
greybeard
Well-known member
D2Cat
Well-known member
What do we have here?
http://mycrazyworld.topratedviral.c...asks-everyone-to-call-her-bruce-again/1001681
http://mycrazyworld.topratedviral.c...asks-everyone-to-call-her-bruce-again/1001681
If Sarah Silverman can say n-gger all the time and still be one of the DNC elites then I can tell this joke:
Jewish pedophile sees a group of kids playing. He walks over and says, "Pssst, you kids wanna buy some candy?"
Jewish pedophile sees a group of kids playing. He walks over and says, "Pssst, you kids wanna buy some candy?"
HDRider
Well-known member
I duck walks into a bar, ah heck, I can't tell a joke.
Somebody tell a joke..
Somebody tell a joke..
JMJ Farms
Well-known member
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the man passes gas and says, "seven points!".
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied "it's fart football."
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown! Tie score..."
After about five minutes the old man lets another one goes and says, "Aha, I'm ahead 14 to 7"
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shlts in the bed.
The wife says, "What the heII was that?"
The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied "it's fart football."
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown! Tie score..."
After about five minutes the old man lets another one goes and says, "Aha, I'm ahead 14 to 7"
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shlts in the bed.
The wife says, "What the heII was that?"
The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
