gman4691
Well-known member
I know a guy who had one cow and would drive it into a vineyard to graze on the only plant there.
That's right…He would herd it through the grapevine.
That's right…He would herd it through the grapevine.
Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter D2Cat
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I have been really busy preparing for winter. Yesterday I canned soup.
greybeard
Well-known member
THE Italian Cow
The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. The town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply. So they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow so that they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr. Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening and to ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?"
The people were dumbfounded since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes: "My wife is from Sicily."
---------------------------------
In America today...
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as
'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore, HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. ' (& not necessarily female)
2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'
4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'
5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'
2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'
3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He ' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'
4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'
5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'
The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. The town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply. So they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow so that they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr. Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening and to ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?"
The people were dumbfounded since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes: "My wife is from Sicily."
---------------------------------
In America today...
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as
'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore, HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. ' (& not necessarily female)
2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'
4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'
5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'
2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'
3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He ' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'
4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'
5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'
greybeard
Well-known member
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
Areatha Franklins
I lost my pet mouse Elvis the other night.
He was caught in a trap.
(thank you, thank you very much)
Areatha Franklins
I lost my pet mouse Elvis the other night.
He was caught in a trap.
(thank you, thank you very much)
greybeard
Well-known member
I'm pretty bad at building fences
Oops, wrong place for this post.
I just told one more chemistry joke.
I got no reaction, and now all my friends argon.
---------------------------
There are still good people in this world. I just saw an elderly man help a young guy that was staring into his cell phone cross a busy street.
Oops, wrong place for this post.
I just told one more chemistry joke.
I got no reaction, and now all my friends argon.
---------------------------
There are still good people in this world. I just saw an elderly man help a young guy that was staring into his cell phone cross a busy street.
Last edited:
Peace
Well-known member
Practise safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding - a case of wife or death
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an i for an i.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? It's a dead give away.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local area network in Australia - the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Shotgun wedding - a case of wife or death
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an i for an i.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? It's a dead give away.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local area network in Australia - the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Named'em Tamed'em
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Farm Family
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Farm Family
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Farm Family
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Farm Family
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greybeard
Well-known member
Gems all!!
greybeard
Well-known member
I guess he got tired of waiting and decided to take things into his own bed, so to speak........
branxchar&charx
Well-known member
Travlr
Well-known member
Travlr
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gman4691
Well-known member
PSA:
coachg
Well-known member
coachg
Well-known member
