Daily Chuckle

[greybeard]

I told my son, "You...

...will marry the girl I choose."

He said, "NO!"

I told him, "She is Bill Gates' daughter."

He said, "OK."

I called Bill Gates and said, "I want your daughter to marry my son."

Bill Gates said, "NO."

I told Bill Gates, "My son is the CEO of World Bank."

Bill Gates said, "OK."

I called the president of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, "No."

I told him, "My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law."

He said, "OK."

(politics works the same way)

 

[greybeard]

A cop stops a biker on a Harley...

...for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. So he asks the biker his name.

"Fred," replies the biker.

"Fred what?" asks the officer.

"Just Fred," the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and give him a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses the biker for his last name.

The biker tells him, "I used to have a last name but I lost it."

The officer thinks that he might have a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college for pre-med. I went through medical school, an internship, a residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.

"After a while, I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school and become a dentist. I got all the way through dental school and earned my degree. So then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD.

"Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD, leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

"Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am just Fred."

The officer just walked away.

 

[branxchar&charx]

View attachment 36282

Need to add a malfunctioning auto pilot that is not possible to disable

 

[CowboyRam]

 

[CowboyRam]

 

[Warren Allison]

My new side gig to make a little extra Christmas money

 

[farmerjan]

Love it... you are too far away though, can't afford to pay the travel expenses... boy would that cause some talk around here !!!!!

 

[Warren Allison]

Love it... you are too far away though, can't afford to pay the travel expenses... boy would that cause some talk around here !!!!!

Oh, it won't cost $100 if I come on my bike. And I will waive travel fees for my first VA customer,. If this works well I am going to expand it to include Christmas and other holidays, as well as family reunions, weddings, etc.

 

[4hfarms]

I see electric tractors the same way!

 

[greybeard]

For some of us, that 'Gold' package's option #3 would raise some eyebrows if not cause serious problems.

 

[Warren Allison]

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]

 

[Peace]

Why was Alice kicked out of Wonderland?

She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming, lie to me, lie to me.

 

[greybeard]

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we would be consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of ****.

Follow me for more health advice!!

 

[greybeard]

Why were two piece swimsuits invented ?

To separate the hairy from the dairy !

 

[Peace]

How about some blonde jokes?

Mating call of a blonde?

I'm so drunk.

 

[Warren Allison]

 

[greybeard]

I can assure you, that MY grandma did not do any of that except she did dip snuff. Rooster or Garret & Sons snuff, from a jar. She died of old age before any of those entertainers were around.

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

Its starting to get cold out.

 

[coachg]