New label for my meat. Truth in advertising:
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Daily Chuckle
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greybeard
Well-known member
greybeard
Well-known member
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other hand, what do you have?
Dang Big hands!!
Ya know, Just once, I would like a password prompt to say "Close enough" !!
Dang Big hands!!
Ya know, Just once, I would like a password prompt to say "Close enough" !!
Travlr
Well-known member
Travlr
Well-known member
coachg
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coachg
Well-known member
rocket2222
Well-known member
rocket2222
Well-known member
MurraysMutts
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greybeard
Well-known member
I've applied for a part time gig. Dressing room attendant at a strip club. $300/week.
I know.. that's not much, but it's all I can afford to pay.
I know.. that's not much, but it's all I can afford to pay.
Travlr
Well-known member
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said Little Johnny.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
"Not yet," said Little Johnny.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
CowboyRam
Well-known member
Little Johnny goes hunting!
Little Johnny was walking down the sidewalk one day and an old man was sitting on his front porch rocking back and forth in his rocking chair.
The old man said, Whatcha got there son?
Johnny said, Got me some chicken wire.
Whatcha gonna do with that chicken wire son? asked the old man.
Gonna catch me some chickens! said Johnny.
You cant catch chickens with chicken wire! said the oldster. Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and walked on down the street.
About a half hour later Johnny came back passing the old mans front porch . . . with 3 chickens entangled in the chicken wire! The old man was shocked and couldnt believe his eyes.
About a half hour later, Johnny was again walking past the old mans porch. Whatcha got now son?
Got me some duct tape.
And whatcha gonna do with that duct tape? the old man asked.
Gonna catch me some ducks!
You cant catch ducks with duct tape! said the old man. Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking.
About a half hour later, back comes Johnny with 3 ducks tangled in the duct tape. Again, the old man rubbed his eyes in disbelief.
About a half hour later, Johnny again was passing the porch.
Whatcha got now son? asked the old man.
Johnny said, Got me some pussy willow.
The old man said, WAIT RIGHT THERE WHILE I GET MY SHOES!
greybeard
Well-known member
Everyone at some point, has or will gamble ...... and lose on a fart.........
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And it's gonna itch when it dries . . .
greybeard
Well-known member
A fact of life of anyone that has spent time in combat. Dingleberries.
If you ever get a chance to read a book titled Platoon Leader (written as a true memoir of a freshly commissioned US Army 2nd Lt with the 173rd (Thundering Herd) Airborne Brigade leading an infantry platoon in Vietnam) and he devotes a whole (tho short) chapter on dingleberries. But a very enticing book otherwise.
If you ever get a chance to read a book titled Platoon Leader (written as a true memoir of a freshly commissioned US Army 2nd Lt with the 173rd (Thundering Herd) Airborne Brigade leading an infantry platoon in Vietnam) and he devotes a whole (tho short) chapter on dingleberries. But a very enticing book otherwise.
