Daily Chuckle

[gman4691]

View attachment 34143

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."

Edna always replied, "I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."

One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, "Edna, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

To this, Edna replied, "Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."

Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Buddy replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

 

[Ouachita]

 

[Ouachita]

Wife just said she was going to brush her teeth. I asked her to brush mine too, while she was back there.

 

[greybeard]

"When I'm too damn old to sit a horse, I'll steal the warden's car
Break my ass out of this prison, leave my teeth there in a jar
You don't need no teeth for kissin' gals or smokin' cheap cigars
I'll sleep with one eye open, 'neath God's celestial stars.

Tonight we rock, Tonight we roll
We'll rob the Juarez liquor store for the Reposado Gold
And if we drink ourselves to death, ain't that the cowboy way to go?
Tonight we ride, tonight we ride"

 

[greybeard]

Martha was on her way to winning $100,000 on a TV game show but her final question was suspended until the next evening's episode.
Her husband desperately wanted to help her to win that $100K, so he sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer. He raced back to the hotel and told his wife, "Your final question for the big win tomorrow will be, 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?'
"And the answer is, 'The head, the heart, and the penis.'"

Martha thinks about this throughout the night but keeps forgetting the answer. Her husband keeps reminding her, "The head, the heart, and the penis."

By the time the game show started the next evening she has forgotten the answer again. Then the presenter asked, "For $100,000, Martha, what are the three main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds to answer."

Martha answers, "Um, the head."

"Yes," said the presenter. "You have eight more seconds."

"The heart," says Martha nervously.

"Yes!" exclaimed the presenter. "you have six seconds left!"

"Oh. Um, damn. My husband drilled it into me last night, and it was on the tip of my tongue this morning," said Martha.

The presenter shouted, "That's close enough! You've just won $100,00!"

.................................................


On a lighter note, I once asked my wife why she never blinks even once during sex and she replied:
"There isn't time"

.................

 

[TexasJerseyMilker]

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a nice hot breakfast. Make sure your appearance is pleasing and be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him something he likes. For dinner prepare an especially appetizing meal for him."

"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly. If you can do this for the next year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

 

[TexasJerseyMilker]

A 30-year-old woman wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he is still a virgin. She decides to take out a personal ad. "Looking for a man that has never been with a woman."

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in a remote part of the Australian Outback.

They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities.

When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

"What happened?" she asks.

"I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm going to need all the room I can get."

 

[Ouachita]

Martha was on her way to winning $100,000 on a TV game show but her final question was suspended until the next evening's episode.
Her husband desperately wanted to help her to win that $100K, so he sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer. He raced back to the hotel and told his wife, "Your final question for the big win tomorrow will be, 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?'
"And the answer is, 'The head, the heart, and the penis.'"

Martha thinks about this throughout the night but keeps forgetting the answer. Her husband keeps reminding her, "The head, the heart, and the penis."

By the time the game show started the next evening she has forgotten the answer again. Then the presenter asked, "For $100,000, Martha, what are the three main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds to answer."

Martha answers, "Um, the head."

"Yes," said the presenter. "You have eight more seconds."

"The heart," says Martha nervously.

"Yes!" exclaimed the presenter. "you have six seconds left!"

"Oh. Um, damn. My husband drilled it into me last night, and it was on the tip of my tongue this morning," said Martha.

The presenter shouted, "That's close enough! You've just won $100,00!"

.................................................


On a lighter note, I once asked my wife why she never blinks even once during sex and she replied:
"There isn't time"

.................

Well at least she doesn't just pitch the nightstand lube at you and post the results on YouTube.

 

[gman4691]

That attraction would probably be protested greatly nowadays. 'Fat shaming'....

(I'm surprised someone hasn't decided the word 'infatuation' should be banned)

 

[gman4691]

I spotted an albino dalmation the other day...it was the least I could do for it.

 

[gman4691]

Did Captain Hook buy his hook at a second hand store?

 

[Travlr]

 

[Travlr]

 

[Farm Family]

 

[coachg]

 

[greybeard]

When my former English teacher got out of prison, I wanted to marry her....

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]