Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter D2Cat
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branxchar&charx
Well-known member
Sthrncwboy
Well-known member
greybeard
Well-known member
I just invented an awesome new word:
Plagiarism
Plagiarism
greybeard
Well-known member
That attraction would probably be protested greatly nowadays. 'Fat shaming'....
(I'm surprised someone hasn't decided the word 'infatuation' should be banned)
Coincidence? I think not.
TexasJerseyMilker
Well-known member
greybeard
Well-known member
These two compliment each other.
Stupid people are like glow sticks..............
I want to snap them and shake the shite out of them until the light comes on
--------------
After the palace meteorologist assured them there was no chance of rain, the King and the Queen went fishing
On the way they met a man with a fishing pole riding a donkey , and they asked if the fish were biting.
The fisherman said" your Majesties you should return to the palace. In just a short time I expect a huge rainstorm"
The King replied " I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is educated and an experienced professional. Besides I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."
So the King and Queen continued on their way.
However, in a short time torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were soaked. Furious, the King returned to the palace and gave the order to execute the meteorologist.
Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of Royal Forecaster.
The fisherman said "I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see his ears drooping , it means with certainty that it will rain"
So the King hired the donkey.
And so began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions in government.
The practice continues to this day
---------------
Then there is this:
A man came home and found a note on the refrigerator.
"It's not working, I'm fed up and going to my Mothers".
He opened the fridge.
The light came on.
The beer was cold. He couldn't figure out what the problem was.......
That reminds me of a true story. A man named AJ Landry that I once worked with, an oilfield toolpusher by trade, went thru a divorce when he and wife were both in their late 50s. She ran off with some kind of salesman. After a couple months, I asked AJ how single life was treating him.
He said:
"Ya know Don, it's not so bad. I put something down on the counter, go get in my truck, go to the bar for a while, and I when I come back, it's right there where I left it"
Stupid people are like glow sticks..............
I want to snap them and shake the shite out of them until the light comes on
--------------
After the palace meteorologist assured them there was no chance of rain, the King and the Queen went fishing
On the way they met a man with a fishing pole riding a donkey , and they asked if the fish were biting.
The fisherman said" your Majesties you should return to the palace. In just a short time I expect a huge rainstorm"
The King replied " I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is educated and an experienced professional. Besides I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."
So the King and Queen continued on their way.
However, in a short time torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were soaked. Furious, the King returned to the palace and gave the order to execute the meteorologist.
Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of Royal Forecaster.
The fisherman said "I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see his ears drooping , it means with certainty that it will rain"
So the King hired the donkey.
And so began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions in government.
The practice continues to this day
---------------
Then there is this:
A man came home and found a note on the refrigerator.
"It's not working, I'm fed up and going to my Mothers".
He opened the fridge.
The light came on.
The beer was cold. He couldn't figure out what the problem was.......
That reminds me of a true story. A man named AJ Landry that I once worked with, an oilfield toolpusher by trade, went thru a divorce when he and wife were both in their late 50s. She ran off with some kind of salesman. After a couple months, I asked AJ how single life was treating him.
He said:
"Ya know Don, it's not so bad. I put something down on the counter, go get in my truck, go to the bar for a while, and I when I come back, it's right there where I left it"
MurraysMutts
Well-known member
SO IM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS THAY PROBLEM??? I feel a bit better now
Travlr
Well-known member
Travlr
Well-known member
Named'em Tamed'em
Well-known member
Now I just go to Walmart. You can tell when it starts to get cold, their wearing 2 pair of pajamas.
greybeard
Well-known member
Which doesn't help appearances one bit. Just makes 'em look larger but thank gawd 2 pair makes it so there's no transparency. .
and as an old friend once told me as we watched a portly woman walk across the street, "Don, just remember..yoga pants never lie."
(That works in either direction)
coachg
Well-known member
Exactly how I feel about it . It ain't for sissies!
Travlr
Well-known member
greybeard
Well-known member
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says "Give me five beers."
He holds up two fingers and says "Give me five beers."
Last edited:
Ouachita
Well-known member
Three brothers married women from different parts of the world. The 1st brother married a woman from Thailand. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days but the 3rd day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The 2nd brother married a woman from Argentina. He gave his wife orders to do all the cleaning, wash the dishes, and prepare gourmet meals. The 1st day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the 3rd day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The 3rd brother married a girl from Arkansas. He ordered her to keep the house clean, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry washed and ironed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the 1st day he didn't see anything, the 2nd day he didn't see anything, but by the 3rd day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
The 2nd brother married a woman from Argentina. He gave his wife orders to do all the cleaning, wash the dishes, and prepare gourmet meals. The 1st day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the 3rd day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The 3rd brother married a girl from Arkansas. He ordered her to keep the house clean, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry washed and ironed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the 1st day he didn't see anything, the 2nd day he didn't see anything, but by the 3rd day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
I knew it!
