Daily Chuckle
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coachg
Well-known member
greybeard
Well-known member
Like the drug commercial used to say... Just Say No!
greybeard
Well-known member
HAHAHA!
CowboyRam
Well-known member
You know what they call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
A good start.
coachg
Well-known member
Can I add my brother in law ?
CowboyRam
Well-known member
Rafter S
Well-known member
Decades ago I was there when one of the participants in the conversation said "They should hang 49 out of every 50 lawyers!"
It was immediately pointed out to him that another man standing there, who he hadn't met before, was an attorney, and a pretty good guy.
The first guy didn't miss a beat. He just said "Well, I hope you're number 50."
greybeard
Well-known member
A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
He held a get together so he could address the whole workforce on their own lunchbreak.
The CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers, and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here."
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay.
Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,
"Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Sure – he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino's and was just waiting to collect the money!
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
He held a get together so he could address the whole workforce on their own lunchbreak.
The CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers, and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here."
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay.
Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,
"Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Sure – he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino's and was just waiting to collect the money!
Travlr
Well-known member
Was that CEO named Elon Musk?
rocfarm
Well-known member
First a little background. Bought me a little bit of ground about 5 years ago in the Hill Country. "Grandpa had a farm!", "I can do this!", 'LAND OF THE FREE!", and such and such, type thinking.
But things didn't really go according to plan as often as I thought they would. So I figure I'd try to put this out there on the internet for any that comes after me.
Here are some things I learned on my farm the hard way. Hope you can learn the easy way:
1) If you turn on the cold water at your sink in Texas but your pex pipe is sitting on the top of the ground outside during an 111F day, you will burn your hands.
2) You can get heat stroke simply checking your 6 trail cams during July in Texas. The deer are still growing their horns and you won't be able to tell anything, anyway. Buy long-lasting batteries and wait till September to bother.
3) If you walk out on your cabin porch at 8:00 p.m. and feel like everything has cooled off remarkably but then look at your thermometer and it's still 98F, don't plan on working the next day. Again, heat stroke.
4) Chainsaw chains come loose A LOT. Carry your chainsaw tools with you or you'll spend 45 minutes going back to the cabin.
5) If you use improper tree-cutting techniques, your chainsaw blade will get stuck in the tree. It will take another chainsaw to get it unstuck.
6) Don't stand under a tree branch when you are cutting it.
7) Don't touch the muffler of a chainsaw that you have been running nonstop for one hour with your bare hands.
8) Tractors can turn over, especially unballasted tractors that are going sideways on a slope.
9) If you don't wear bug repellant:
a) You will have to get up at 1:00 a.m. in the morning to take a Clorox bath to kill your new-found chigger friends.
b) Fire ants like to bore trough the wooden floors in old cabins and make nests under the Clorox bottle containing the Clorox you need to use to kill your new-found chigger friends.
c) A combination of Clorox and wasp spray WILL NOT effectively kill fire ants, but it will piss them off enough to make them run up the side of the old bathtub in your fire-ant-infested-100-year-old Texas cabin, climb into the Clorox water you are using to kill your new-found chigger friends, and bite your A#$ with a vengeance, even at 1 a.m. in the morning!
d) That same combination of Clorox and wasp spray WILL produce an abundance of toxic, carcinogenic fumes.
God Bless and may you all learn the easy way! (But I imagine-knowing my fellow Texans-not many of you will.)
.
But things didn't really go according to plan as often as I thought they would. So I figure I'd try to put this out there on the internet for any that comes after me.
Here are some things I learned on my farm the hard way. Hope you can learn the easy way:
1) If you turn on the cold water at your sink in Texas but your pex pipe is sitting on the top of the ground outside during an 111F day, you will burn your hands.
2) You can get heat stroke simply checking your 6 trail cams during July in Texas. The deer are still growing their horns and you won't be able to tell anything, anyway. Buy long-lasting batteries and wait till September to bother.
3) If you walk out on your cabin porch at 8:00 p.m. and feel like everything has cooled off remarkably but then look at your thermometer and it's still 98F, don't plan on working the next day. Again, heat stroke.
4) Chainsaw chains come loose A LOT. Carry your chainsaw tools with you or you'll spend 45 minutes going back to the cabin.
5) If you use improper tree-cutting techniques, your chainsaw blade will get stuck in the tree. It will take another chainsaw to get it unstuck.
6) Don't stand under a tree branch when you are cutting it.
7) Don't touch the muffler of a chainsaw that you have been running nonstop for one hour with your bare hands.
8) Tractors can turn over, especially unballasted tractors that are going sideways on a slope.
9) If you don't wear bug repellant:
a) You will have to get up at 1:00 a.m. in the morning to take a Clorox bath to kill your new-found chigger friends.
b) Fire ants like to bore trough the wooden floors in old cabins and make nests under the Clorox bottle containing the Clorox you need to use to kill your new-found chigger friends.
c) A combination of Clorox and wasp spray WILL NOT effectively kill fire ants, but it will piss them off enough to make them run up the side of the old bathtub in your fire-ant-infested-100-year-old Texas cabin, climb into the Clorox water you are using to kill your new-found chigger friends, and bite your A#$ with a vengeance, even at 1 a.m. in the morning!
d) That same combination of Clorox and wasp spray WILL produce an abundance of toxic, carcinogenic fumes.
God Bless and may you all learn the easy way! (But I imagine-knowing my fellow Texans-not many of you will.)
.Redgully
Well-known member
Ouachita
Well-known member
She would know!
www.foxnews.com
Twitter slams AOC after she says gas stoves are linked to brain damage: 'Dems are literally insane'
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., took heat on Twitter after she mocked Rep. Ronny Jackson, R-Texas, for saying he would never give up his gas stove.
Named'em Tamed'em
Well-known member
Is that a Yote?
coachg
Well-known member
Yes sir , I'm sure a mount and not a live one ! I'm on a hunting forum and they have a forum for funny stuff .Is that a Yote?
50/50Farms
Well-known member
Is there a 1 a.m. in the afternoon?First a little background. Bought me a little bit of ground about 5 years ago in the Hill Country. "Grandpa had a farm!", "I can do this!", 'LAND OF THE FREE!", and such and such, type thinking.
But things didn't really go according to plan as often as I thought they would. So I figure I'd try to put this out there on the internet for any that comes after me.
Here are some things I learned on my farm the hard way. Hope you can learn the easy way:
1) If you turn on the cold water at your sink in Texas but your pex pipe is sitting on the top of the ground outside during an 111F day, you will burn your hands.
2) You can get heat stroke simply checking your 6 trail cams during July in Texas. The deer are still growing their horns and you won't be able to tell anything, anyway. Buy long-lasting batteries and wait till September to bother.
3) If you walk out on your cabin porch at 8:00 p.m. and feel like everything has cooled off remarkably but then look at your thermometer and it's still 98F, don't plan on working the next day. Again, heat stroke.
4) Chainsaw chains come loose A LOT. Carry your chainsaw tools with you or you'll spend 45 minutes going back to the cabin.
5) If you use improper tree-cutting techniques, your chainsaw blade will get stuck in the tree. It will take another chainsaw to get it unstuck.
6) Don't stand under a tree branch when you are cutting it.
7) Don't touch the muffler of a chainsaw that you have been running nonstop for one hour with your bare hands.
8) Tractors can turn over, especially unballasted tractors that are going sideways on a slope.
9) If you don't wear bug repellant:
a) You will have to get up at 1:00 a.m. in the morning to take a Clorox bath to kill your new-found chigger friends.
b) Fire ants like to bore trough the wooden floors in old cabins and make nests under the Clorox bottle containing the Clorox you need to use to kill your new-found chigger friends.
c) A combination of Clorox and wasp spray WILL NOT effectively kill fire ants, but it will piss them off enough to make them run up the side of the old bathtub in your fire-ant-infested-100-year-old Texas cabin, climb into the Clorox water you are using to kill your new-found chigger friends, and bite your A#$ with a vengeance, even at 1 a.m. in the morning!
d) That same combination of Clorox and wasp spray WILL produce an abundance of toxic, carcinogenic fumes.
God Bless and may you all learn the easy way! (But I imagine-knowing my fellow Texans-not many of you will.)
