Daily Chuckle

[branxchar&charx]

 

[greybeard]

A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist:

"I'd like to become the next President of the United States"

Receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?"

Redneck: "Why, is it required?"

.....................................................

When I say "the other day" I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

...................................................

I was apprehended by a thief last night.
He stuck a knife out and said: "Your money or your life".

I replied: "I'm married so I have no money and thus no life".

We hugged and cried together. It was a beautiful moment.

......................
When one door closes and another one opens, you're probably in prison.

 

[coachg]

details details....

Top 2 coveralls, bottom overalls. Sorry for the double pic !

 

[Ouachita]

I made that mistake once ! Been married 44 yrs and dated through high and college . So I hope I've learned a little along the way about this female. I've bought wrong sizes , wrong colors , etc . Now I give her the money or take her shopping and make her buy her own .

I really screwed up, one time. Her sisters came to visit. Then they wanted to go shopping.
I slipped her a Jackson and told her to shop her azz off.
That was my previous wife.

 

[gman4691]

I accidentally got ketchup in my eyes. Now I have heinz sight.

 

[gman4691]

On my way to the sale barn. I hope prices are up.

View attachment 37110

Ya gotta do what ya gotta do

 

[gman4691]

View attachment 37044

Always suspected as much

 

[Ouachita]

I accidentally got ketchup in my eyes. Now I have heinz sight.

I have a Heinz dog. 57 different varieties

 

[Mark Reynolds]

I have a Heinz dog. 57 different varieties

I bet you named him "Red".

 

[Ouachita]

I bet you named him "Red".

No. See, in these backwoods of Arkansas, "red" is a two syllable word. Ussin's 'round here fumble with more than one, so I named him Bo. He's simpler than me.

 

[Travlr]

 

[Farm Family]

 

[CowboyRam]

 

[Ouachita]

View attachment 37194

I rarely find myself in stores, but when I do, I always whistle and slap my leg. That distracts the ladies just enough for me to grab the last ham and cranberry sauce.

I suspect if that don't work, and they try to get too fresh, then toss your boots and whip out the toenail clippers,

I cabbaged on to this idea from Murray, and although I've not fully vetted in an operational capacity, I'm fairly certain I could get the last of anything after people see my toes.

 

[greybeard]

I rarely find myself in stores, but when I do, I always whistle and slap my leg. That distracts the ladies just enough for me to grab the last ham and cranberry sauce.

I suspect if that don't work, and they try to get too fresh, then toss your boots and whip out the toenail clippers,

I cabbaged on to this idea from Murray, and although I've not fully vetted in an operational capacity, I'm fairly certain I could get the last of anything after people see my toes.

When you get tired in the store, just rest quietly on a bench, and when someone sits down on the same bench, after a minute, just look over and whisper "Did you bring the ransom money?"

 

[greybeard]

I had a very happy childhood.
My dad would put me in tires and roll me down a hill.
Those were goodyears.

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]

 

[Mountaintown Creek Ranch]