Daily Chuckle

[Ouachita]

Getting home from work this evening, I perform my usual routine. Drive up, walk in, give her a larapin hug, grab a beer, and go check on the last one due to calve.

No calf.

Thirty minutes later, I drive back up to the house as she's walking out the door with some lighter fluid. My deductive reasoning suggests that she's grilling some steaks tonight, so I excitedly asked "what's for supper?"

She says "I'm burning the trash, azzhole".

Dear God,
I love her. Thank you!

 

[greybeard]

You have a good one for sure, but she knows you well 'azzhole'. I ended up the trash (and everything else) burner after dearly beloved set half the yard afire.

I love her greatly but I had to watch her with stuff like that..

 

[Ouachita]

You have a good one for sure, but she knows you well 'azzhole'. I ended up the trash (and everything else) burner after dearly beloved set half the yard afire.

I love her greatly but I had to watch her with stuff like that..

You get it. It took me a couple decades to realize that the names she was calling me were actually endearing.
Now, I don't say a word. I just smile real big, because I'm still fast/agile enough to do a 180 and get the heck out of Dodge without taking too much live fire.

That's the part when she gets really steamed. I finally figured out that she needs it to be a contact sport, so I slow down every once in awhile.

 

[greybeard]

"I'll whip your wrinkled ol ass old man!"

(I have heard those words from she who must be obeyed and used to laugh and smile. Not so sure about all that nowadays)

 

[greybeard]

Did you hear about the two blonde girls who died from hypothermia in a drive-in movie?

They went to see "Closed for Winter."
--------------------------------

If someone slaps you at high frequency...

IT FOCKING HERTZ
---------------------------------

Foreskin came from our forefathers

Rumpelstiltskin came from cold winters and the glory of inebriation.
---------------------------------

I don't really understand the concept of foreskin.
It goes right over my head.


What do you call a tomb full of money?
crypt-o-currency

The umbrella inventor intended to call it a brella but when he went to register the name patent, he hesitated..

A judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, "I stole a can of peaches."
The judge then asked, "How many peaches were in the can?"
"Six," replied the woman.
After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night in jail for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
And before the judge smacked the gavel down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, "Your honor, wait!"
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.
"She also stole a can of peas! A BIG family sized can!"

An old man went to the pharmacist and said...

"Look, I'm having a little trouble performing with my wife. Do they make any pills that can help with that?"

The pharmacist replied, "Sure, that's more common than you may think. In fact I take Viagra myself for the same sort of thing."

The old man asked. "Can you get it over the counter?"

The pharmacist thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, maybe, if I took 2 or 3 of them at once."

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

 

[jschoolcraft86]

 

[coachg]

 

[TCRanch]

 

[Nesikep]

And that's how the fight started!

 

[Nesikep]

 

[Nesikep]

View attachment 339268978_258742316490250_7575245816448666822_n.mp4

 

[greybeard]

I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. "Dad, this is the 21st century, he said. "I don't waste money on newspapers. But if you like, you can borrow my iPad."

I can tell you this: That spider never knew what hit him.

 

[Travlr]

 

[Warren Allison]

 

[TCRanch]

 

[TCRanch]

Grammar IS important!

 

[TexasJerseyMilker]

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

Grammar IS important!
View attachment 31027

My wife will ask "how was the game?" I'll say me and Billy had fun.
No ,Billy and I had fun!

You weren't there, it was me and Billy!

You're an idiot!

Thank you.

 

[farmerjan]

View attachment 30954

groan.... LOL