jack.diamond
Well-known member
The IRS decides to audit Jack, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Jack shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Jack. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Jack says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
Jack removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops. Jack says, "Now, I' ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The auditor can tell Jack isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Jack removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Jack's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Jack asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Jack stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Jack's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Jack told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Jack. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Jack says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
Jack removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops. Jack says, "Now, I' ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The auditor can tell Jack isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Jack removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Jack's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Jack asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Jack stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Jack's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Jack told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."
