This should be posted on coffe shop or

[JHH]

She is very clear that she doesnt want to try and work this out. So she is at her family now. I dont know how it is going but one of them texted me and said it wasnt looking like they could talk any sense into her.

 

[KNERSIE]

She is very clear that she doesnt want to try and work this out. So she is at her family now. I dont know how it is going but one of them texted me and said it wasnt looking like they could talk any sense into her.

I reckon a bull has jumped the fence.

 

[High Cotton]

IMO you best bet is to go talk to a lawyer ASAP. I know your hurt, but don't do anything dumb. No girl friends or one night stands till everything is final. It will make you look a lot better in court. Also it will make your chances of getting your kids a lot better. I'm just telling you what I was told when I went to the lawyer. Hope that helps. Good luck.
Randy

 

[DOC HARRIS]

No one has specifically sought the opinion of an 85 year old guy who has been married to the same female for 67 years - BUT - here is my council, and my OPINION, - asked for or not - like it or not, accept it or not, as you wish.

Any couple who goes into a marriage 'arrangement' with their heads in the clouds and stars in their eyes thinking that they will never have any disagreements, differences of opinions, or problems with, and/or about, each other, had better wake up and smell the very bitter coffee that the 800# Gorilla is burning in the kitchen!!

Adam and Eve couldn't decide which one of them was going to design the Fig Leaves because they were of two different physiological structures and psychological personalities! ... and it has been the typical 'bone of contention' between the genders in one form or another ever since then. NO ONE is going to change the facts here. The problems take very different pathways according to the people involved and their individual desires and likes or dislikes, but the bottom line is - there WILL be trouble between the two of you eventually. That trouble can take many forms, but will usually break down to one or more of three basic subject matters - not necessarily in any particular order:
1) MONEY
2) SEX
3) MANAGEMENT or (DISCIPLINE) OF CHILDREN

The ONE over-riding factor looming in the 'governability' of problem-solving is - "Who is in charge Here"? The determination of that premise is crucial to any decisive conclusions to be reached between two entities - people or groups - - or Political Parties! Until two people who are involved in misunderstandings can settle on 'methods of discussions' of their problems, they are merely treading water and spinning their wheels insofar as solutions are concerned!

During my Practice dealing with patients who were experiencing arbitrary differences, I would point out that, being that there were two sides to every discussion, if each person would expend 60% of the effort to reach a conclusion of the problem instead of just their so-called 50% effort, that would leave 20% of the problems in the middle, where most of the "small details" end up causing 100% of the trouble. But - both parties must expend 60% effort, or the 800# Gorilla is still in the kitchen figuring out new ways to break dishes and throw food!

Quite often overwhelming pride precludes achieving solutions to "underwhelming" problems.

Uninhibited Prayer to Our Heavenly Father should always accomapany sincere problem solving efforts.

DOC HARRIS

 

[CottageFarm]

No one has specifically sought the opinion of an 85 year old guy who has been married to the same female for 67 years - BUT - here is my council, and my OPINION, - asked for or not - like it or not, accept it or not, as you wish.

Any couple who goes into a marriage 'arrangement' with their heads in the clouds and stars in their eyes thinking that they will never have any disagreements, differences of opinions, or problems with, and/or about, each other, had better wake up and smell the very bitter coffee that the 800# Gorilla is burning in the kitchen!!

Adam and Eve couldn't decide which one of them was going to design the Fig Leaves because they were of two different physiological structures and psychological personalities! ... and it has been the typical 'bone of contention' between the genders in one form or another ever since then. NO ONE is going to change the facts here. The problems take very different pathways according to the people involved and their individual desires and likes or dislikes, but the bottom line is - there WILL be trouble between the two of you eventually. That trouble can take many forms, but will usually break down to one or more of three basic subject matters - not necessarily in any particular order:
1) MONEY
2) SEX
3) MANAGEMENT or (DISCIPLINE) OF CHILDREN

The ONE over-riding factor looming in the 'governability' of problem-solving is - "Who is in charge Here"? The determination of that premise is crucial to any decisive conclusions to be reached between two entities - people or groups - - or Political Parties! Until two people who are involved in misunderstandings can settle on 'methods of discussions' of their problems, they are merely treading water and spinning their wheels insofar as solutions are concerned!

During my Practice dealing with patients who were experiencing arbitrary differences, I would point out that, being that there were two sides to every discussion, if each person would expend 60% of the effort to reach a conclusion of the problem instead of just their so-called 50% effort, that would leave 20% of the problems in the middle, where most of the "small details" end up causing 100% of the trouble. But - both parties must expend 60% effort, or the 800# Gorilla is still in the kitchen figuring out new ways to break dishes and throw food!

Quite often overwhelming pride precludes achieving solutions to "underwhelming" problems.

Uninhibited Prayer to Our Heavenly Father should always accomapany sincere problem solving efforts.

DOC HARRIS

:clap: :clap: :clap:
...I would humbly add that if both parties are not willing to expend the needed energy to solve said problem, both must step back for a time and move forward to fulfil their remaining priorities/obligations in life.

 

[djinwa]

Here's my two cents.

Most men are pretty naive about the marriage thing - while they're out trying to make a living, many women are spending hours discussing with whomever the problems their man has.

Many women started as little girls compiling a several page list of traits they want in their ideal man, so eventually they end up disappointed. I can't say I know any woman who is happy with their man, and that includes my wife.

I could give many examples, but the point is the marriage thing is a bit of a scam. Everyone goes into it blindly with unrealistic expectations and we wonder why it doesn't work.

There are many ways to "cheat" - discussing private details behind his/her back, sex, taking money, etc, etc.

My wife has cheated on me with money issues. I don't trust her and she doesn't trust me. But we're happier than ever.

But if you can't survive the rough patches long enough for each to accept their stupidity, there is no hope.

It is great for you to "be a man" and take the blame, but then women might also view that as weakness, and women don't like a weak man. They want you to be everything. Just like you're supposed to make alot of money, but you aren't supposed to spend too much time at work.

 

[circlebllc]

Also, this is public forum property. Anything can, and will be used for "dirt". Nothing out of order has been published yet, here. Just a friendly reminder. Single sentences can be taken out of context. Any computer related communication, Facebook, text messages or this forum. Good luck to you brother, tough times ahead.

 

[Lon]

i agree with whats said above about women wanting the perfect man and they aint never happy to an extent. me and my wife went through problems before were married about me cheatin on her wich i never did but every other man she had before did and i had a bad rep going for me for cattin around. like i told her if you dont trust me walk out that door because without trust first there is nuthing that will ever follow. than once married we came to an understanding. boy after the first year we went to fightin and arguing like cats and dogs. but thats good cause it sure beats that passive agressive crap of im not mad about anything when you now they are. well come down to it i am not a romantic man sensitive or compasionit. she like any women needed this. we cam to the understanding we both had to work on some things. i told her i see it this way she is a women and needs to feel loved i am a man and need sex. i dont need someone to tell me they love me and hug me but i need that. she could live without the one as long as she still feels loved. thats men and women both needing 2 different things or seeing 2 different ways and not understanding the other one. this is everything situation that arrises to like doc said money sex and kids. he is right and i have yet to see me and my wife see eye to eye on any of it.
and as far as working to much im guilty of the working to much myself trying to make that dollar but what man who can look in the mirror proudly isnt guilty of this. if not this type of guy than you have no business having a family cause they need a provider so stop kicking your own rear end over it. you did 3 things. you tried asked and offered. tried to talk to her asked her what was wrong and offered to work it out. after this there aint much ya can do cause i have found out in the short time i have been married it isnt both giving a little its both giving alot all the time to make it work out. marriage isnt about i love this person and she/he gives me butterflies. its about the type of love that means this person is there for ya no matter how bad it gets throught everything and might get mad but still talks to ya the type of love that grows now that ya find. now thats love that makes it work and without that it never will. i know its hard not to blame yourself but it aint all your fault its both. you might have worked to much but she shoulda talked to ya before it got out of hand. now me after reading this and being away for so long from home working i think im packing up and going home tomarrow to try and take my lady out so thanks for the reminder. so i wish ya the best of luck and i really do feel for you. but your lucky you have a heads up that it over so instead of worrying about it you can activly take progressive steps like getting a good lawyer and such to make sure ya dont come blindsided and far behind in the ordeal.
and i guess in the end the way i would see it if i was you is that hey one my kids still gonna live with me and they know i love them and am there for them. in the end them kids are worth more than any marriage will ever be.

 

[CKC1586]

Doc, as always wise and pertinent information and advise!
Slick, you are exactly right about staying for the sake of the kids, can be the worse thing for them.
I am gonna lighten this up a bit. I have been thru the divorce thing twice (to/from the same man). Long story. Anyway the second divorce was getting close to the finish line and my attorney had asked if I wanted to take my maiden name back. I had not really thought about it but wanted my kids opinions ages 7 and 12. They had questions like so does that change our last name. I explained no that my son would always have the same last name but when a woman marries she takes her husbands name. It was quite for a minute and my son said to me, Mom I would rather you just fool around.
Sure hope things work out for the best for you and yours.

 

[JHH]

No one has specifically sought the opinion of an 85 year old guy who has been married to the same female for 67 years - BUT - here is my council, and my OPINION, - asked for or not - like it or not, accept it or not, as you wish.

Any couple who goes into a marriage 'arrangement' with their heads in the clouds and stars in their eyes thinking that they will never have any disagreements, differences of opinions, or problems with, and/or about, each other, had better wake up and smell the very bitter coffee that the 800# Gorilla is burning in the kitchen!!

Adam and Eve couldn't decide which one of them was going to design the Fig Leaves because they were of two different physiological structures and psychological personalities! ... and it has been the typical 'bone of contention' between the genders in one form or another ever since then. NO ONE is going to change the facts here. The problems take very different pathways according to the people involved and their individual desires and likes or dislikes, but the bottom line is - there WILL be trouble between the two of you eventually. That trouble can take many forms, but will usually break down to one or more of three basic subject matters - not necessarily in any particular order:
1) MONEY
2) SEX
3) MANAGEMENT or (DISCIPLINE) OF CHILDREN
The ONE over-riding factor looming in the 'governability' of problem-solving is - "Who is in charge Here"? The determination of that premise is crucial to any decisive conclusions to be reached between two entities - people or groups - - or Political Parties! Until two people who are involved in misunderstandings can settle on 'methods of discussions' of their problems, they are merely treading water and spinning their wheels insofar as solutions are concerned!

During my Practice dealing with patients who were experiencing arbitrary differences, I would point out that, being that there were two sides to every discussion, if each person would expend 60% of the effort to reach a conclusion of the problem instead of just their so-called 50% effort, that would leave 20% of the problems in the middle, where most of the "small details" end up causing 100% of the trouble. But - both parties must expend 60% effort, or the 800# Gorilla is still in the kitchen figuring out new ways to break dishes and throw food!

Quite often overwhelming pride precludes achieving solutions to "underwhelming" problems.

Uninhibited Prayer to Our Heavenly Father should always accomapany sincere problem solving efforts.

DOC HARRIS

Those are the exact three things that I said was the problem. Her family and I gave her a time limit on moving in with someone else besides next door.

 

[JHH]

Also, this is public forum property. Anything can, and will be used for "dirt". Nothing out of order has been published yet, here. Just a friendly reminder. Single sentences can be taken out of context. Any computer related communication, Facebook, text messages or this forum. Good luck to you brother, tough times ahead.

I realize this. Yes tough times.

 

[JHH]

Man, You have got to get out of your own head!
Stop blaming yourself! I know a women can drive a Man mad
and jealousy is the worst human character trait.
Pull up your boot straps and be solid for your kids![/quote]

Yep.

 

[ALACOWMAN]

sorry to hear this,,, we al take things for granted anymore folks are so involved with life getting ahead... one thing is sure,, if she aint willing to work it out,, you wont change her mind at this point.. just keep things as normal as possible for the kids

 

[triple'S']

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

I'm not judging your faith, just make sure there are 3 in your relationship. You, your wife, and God. Made all the difference in mine.

 

[ALACOWMAN]

good post

 

[TexasBred]

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

I'm not judging your faith, just make sure there are 3 in your relationship. You, your wife, and God. Made all the difference in mine.

A shame more ministers don't include this in the wedding vows. Course I've been thru a divorce as well and since hindsight is 20:20, I now see it as a lifesaver.

 

[snickers]

ok from a woman's point of view, yes we do need attention, affection and conversation some more than others. i've been married 32 almost 33 yrs and i'm 51 so most of my adult life and when couples quit talking there will always be someone there to make up for it whatever either one is lacking in the relationship, i thank god for my husband everyday but it wasnt always that way. we were married way to young but got thru all and made us stronger. we have our small hobby farm with 12 cow's, bull, dogs, 1 cat, and all the other little farm animals and are happier than ever and glad we made it thru all the rough spots and can enjoy our two grandkids together. there is one wish i wish for my husband and that the poor guy wouldnt have to fix everything before he actually baled hay, cut hay etc. lol we've come to the conclusion that we will never be rich but we dont really need to be to be happy. JHH hang in there there will be brighter days for you.

 

[JHH]

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

I'm not judging your faith, just make sure there are 3 in your relationship. You, your wife, and God. Made all the difference in mine.

I have always had two, had three most of the time. She has to want the same. He is really testing me but I dont give up or in. We are talking both him and her.

 

[TexasBred]

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

I'm not judging your faith, just make sure there are 3 in your relationship. You, your wife, and God. Made all the difference in mine.

I have always had two, had three most of the time. She has to want the same. He is really testing me but I dont give up or in. We are talking both him and her.

That's good...just be sure you do some serious listening as well. ;-)

 

[gizmom]

JHH,

Marriage isn't easy, and no one has all the answers. I have been married for 31 years and we have gone through some very difficult and painful times, but we managed to stick through it. If you love your wife, then do everything you can to save your marriage anything worth having is worth fighting for. Try to get counseling if she won't go....then go by yourself. Talk to your minister if you don't have one talk to a friend and get the name of their minister. I will be praying for you and your family.

Gizmom