Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter D2Cat
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Named'em Tamed'em
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Ouachita
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I've trained them all to hang their head out the window and bark at whatever thrills them. Grandkids are cool. The parents hate me.
CowboyRam
Well-known member
Eco-radicals moved after they glue hands to REMOVABLE stand at concert hall
The pair glued their hands to the conductor’s stand in an attempt to evade eviction, but failed to realize that what they hoped would be their anchor was not actually affixed to the stage.
thepostmillennial.com
Jeanne - Simme Valley
Well-known member
Hopefully that farmer is in very dry climate. I would have a bunch of mush crap if I lined mine up like that. No way let the round sides touch. Flat to flat as tight as you can get it.
wbvs58
Well-known member
Johnny Cash used to spend a lot of time in our town Stanthorpe. He stayed with friends in a house on the escarpement just east of here. Apparently he stayed for several months at a time. Must have been a good quite refuge for him.
Ken
Rafter S
Well-known member
Same here. I leave room to walk between the rows.
Jeanne - Simme Valley
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But it is quite funny that the cow got stuck.
greybeard
Well-known member
Yeah, I bet they are, hangin their heads out the window like that...
greybeard
Well-known member
Van Gogh had lotsa cousins
After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.
Among them were:
His obnoxious brother, Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt,Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop'n Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U. Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh
His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother, Grin Gogh
His Japanese cattle raining cousin Way Gogh.
The nephew who drove a stagecoach, Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh
His nephew, psychoanalyst E. Gogh
The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh
The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh
His Italian uncle, Day Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay Gogh.
After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.
Among them were:
His obnoxious brother, Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt,Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop'n Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U. Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh
His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother, Grin Gogh
His Japanese cattle raining cousin Way Gogh.
The nephew who drove a stagecoach, Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh
His nephew, psychoanalyst E. Gogh
The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh
The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh
His Italian uncle, Day Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay Gogh.
SBMF 2015
Well-known member
50/50Farms
Well-known member
Wiley is stepping up his game, but those NODs won't help in the daytime.
SBMF 2015
Well-known member
Haha I get it, my children even get it, because that's the kind of movie's they get to watch. I don't like the messages of a lot of the new (supposed to be) kid friendly movie's put across.
greybeard
Well-known member
The local Methodist Church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. There were a multitude living on the grounds and they were even becoming disruptive. After much prayer and consideration they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The Deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Episcopal Church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church . Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church, Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish Synagogue, but it's rumored that they took one of the male squirrels and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel on their property since.
At the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The Deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Episcopal Church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church . Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church, Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish Synagogue, but it's rumored that they took one of the male squirrels and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel on their property since.
greybeard
Well-known member
A Christmas Story.. of the angel tree topper....
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And now you know how the little angel got on top of the Christmas tree.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And now you know how the little angel got on top of the Christmas tree.
greybeard
Well-known member
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
The golf pro saw her heading back and said, "You are back early, what's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee!" she said. "Where?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole." she replied.
He nodded and said, "Your stance is far too wide."
...........................................................................................................
A neighbor's wife minored in psychology.
She's always using all her amateur psychology when they argued.
When the husband fired the pool boy, she said, "Well, you know, you're only firing him because he's so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you're projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, because these feelings are just too traumatic for you to deal with."
Husband reminded her:
"Honey, we don't have a pool"
The golf pro saw her heading back and said, "You are back early, what's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee!" she said. "Where?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole." she replied.
He nodded and said, "Your stance is far too wide."
...........................................................................................................
A neighbor's wife minored in psychology.
She's always using all her amateur psychology when they argued.
When the husband fired the pool boy, she said, "Well, you know, you're only firing him because he's so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you're projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, because these feelings are just too traumatic for you to deal with."
Husband reminded her:
"Honey, we don't have a pool"
