Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter D2Cat
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greybeard
Well-known member
I think you embellished that harvest quite a bit. I have one of those grazing in my yard and it don't come close to 16 lbs.....
I will never help anyone again......EVER! I'm too kindhearted, or I'm too stupid.....
Yesterday it was so cold out that we took a man into our home out of the kindness of our hearts. We felt so sorry for him, poor thing was standing stiff and frozen out in the cold, but this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him.
The last straw?!?! When I realised he had peed all over the kitchen floor! That's the "thank you" I get for being good to people?!?!?!
Now I'm going to warn my friends to watch out for this man! He is heavy-set, wearing nothing but a scarf, he has a carrot-like nose, two black eyes, and his arms are stick skinny. Don't bring him into your house! What a mess he made on the floor.
Yesterday it was so cold out that we took a man into our home out of the kindness of our hearts. We felt so sorry for him, poor thing was standing stiff and frozen out in the cold, but this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him.
The last straw?!?! When I realised he had peed all over the kitchen floor! That's the "thank you" I get for being good to people?!?!?!
Now I'm going to warn my friends to watch out for this man! He is heavy-set, wearing nothing but a scarf, he has a carrot-like nose, two black eyes, and his arms are stick skinny. Don't bring him into your house! What a mess he made on the floor.
greybeard
Well-known member
Well, I 'liked' it, but when I went to the mirror, I found nothing had changed...
greybeard
Well-known member
Pre- means before.
Post- means after.
To use both pronouns together would be preposterous.
Post- means after.
To use both pronouns together would be preposterous.
branxchar&charx
Well-known member
Ouachita
Well-known member
I'd be a bit worried about the I.Q. of the person operating the winch.
I'd feel more comfortable in a whirlybird with a pilot that wanted to see that waterfall more than me.
I'd feel more comfortable in a whirlybird with a pilot that wanted to see that waterfall more than me.
MurraysMutts
Well-known member
greybeard
Well-known member
What (other than 2 reptiles) are crocs?
Ouachita
Well-known member
I think it was Hook that posted a picture of them a few years ago. Until then, I had never heard of them. I might wear them to the creek for my monthly bath, but not something I could wear any other time or place.
greybeard
Well-known member
I remember now. I did, long ago in a place far far away, have a pair of Ho Chi Minh sandals to wear from my hooch over thru the sand and weeds and mud to the head (bathroom) in the middle of the night. Made from old tires with innertube straps ...they lasted forever, just avoid the ones made from steel belted radials... I think I paid $1 MPC for 'em.
greybeard
Well-known member
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed places.
For instance, I'm going to the liquor store and I'm afraid it will be closed.
For instance, I'm going to the liquor store and I'm afraid it will be closed.
CowboyRam
Well-known member
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar. All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are. The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Caused a whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear
hubby." The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story. The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
hubby." The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story. The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
Bob-s
Well-known member
Travlr
Well-known member
John invited his mother over for dinner one evening.
During the meal, she couldn't help but notice how attractive John's roommate Judy was.
She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious. She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between John and Judy than met the eye.
Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, John said, "Mom, I can see your wheels turning and I know what you're thinking. Rest assured, Judy and I are strictly roommates."
A few days later, Judy came to John and said, "You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can't seem to find it. You don't think she would have taken it, do you?"
"Oh.", replied John, "I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
John then sat down and wrote his mother the following letter:
Dear Mom,
While I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'didn't' take a gravy ladle, the fact remains that ever since you were here for dinner one has been missing.
Love, Your son.
Several days later, John received a reply from his mother which read:
Dear John,
While I am not saying you 'do' sleep with Judy, and I'm not saying you 'don't' sleep with her, the fact remains that she would have found the gravy ladle by now if she were sleeping in her own bed.
Love, Mom.
During the meal, she couldn't help but notice how attractive John's roommate Judy was.
She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious. She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between John and Judy than met the eye.
Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, John said, "Mom, I can see your wheels turning and I know what you're thinking. Rest assured, Judy and I are strictly roommates."
A few days later, Judy came to John and said, "You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can't seem to find it. You don't think she would have taken it, do you?"
"Oh.", replied John, "I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
John then sat down and wrote his mother the following letter:
Dear Mom,
While I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'didn't' take a gravy ladle, the fact remains that ever since you were here for dinner one has been missing.
Love, Your son.
Several days later, John received a reply from his mother which read:
Dear John,
While I am not saying you 'do' sleep with Judy, and I'm not saying you 'don't' sleep with her, the fact remains that she would have found the gravy ladle by now if she were sleeping in her own bed.
Love, Mom.
