Country-speak

[MO_cows]

Hubby says, when you are explaining why something happened,
And if the rabbit wouldn't have stopped to shytte, the dog wouldn't have caught him.

My mom said horse feathers, too, but if you pushed her she knew all the "real" cusswords too.

Purtier than a speckled pup.

Larrupin'

 

[inyati13]

My dad was known for his sayings. He had one for everything. One I have thought about is this one. If the world is treating you good and things are looking sunny, he would say:

We're shytin' in high cotton now, boys!

That comes from the southern practice of poor families using their cotton field as the outhouse. Now, if you go to the cotton patch and squat down in high cotton to shyt, then it means you have a good cotton crop. So things are looking up! Or at least it is better than shytin" in short cotton.

 

[inyati13]

That guy is so tight, he would't give a nickel to watch a pess ant eat a bale of hay.

That guy is so tight, he squeezes a nickel till the buffalo shyts.

You know how I can tell if you are lyin', your lips are movin'.

That guy is so ugly, he should shave his azz and walk backwards.

I am so hunger my azz is sending out siren warnings.

Don't pizz down my back and tell me it's rainin'.

That guy is so lost he don't know where he shyt last.

Jesus man, that fart was so bad something crawled up in you and died.

Who opened their lunch box?

He don't drink, he funnels it.

 

[TexasBred]

Use to know a fellow that when talking to someone that had sold a calf or something and done pretty good on it he'd say "Man..you cut a wild hog in the a$$ on that deal".

 

[cow pollinater]

Shakin like a dog shittn razor blades
screwy as a pet coon
sweatn like a whore in church
meaner than a banty rooster
shittn like a goose
rainin like a cow pi$$ing on a flat rock
randy as a three legged rooster

 

[herofan]

My mom used to say my grandparents on dad's side were so tight they would "skin a gnat for it's hide if they thought they could get a nickel out of it."

 

[greybeard]

My father's description of anything beast or machine, that ran strong or fast was "She's a goin jesse!"

 

[wbvs58]

She's spent too much time sitt'n the milk stool (to describe a women with a wide rear end)

11/2 axe handles?
Ken

 

[inyati13]

I got a new hat one time:

Me: Dad, how do ye like my hat?

Dad: You need two of 'em, one to shyt in and one to cover it up with.

I was sitting on the porch of an old man who rented a run down old house next door to the farm. He lived alone. There was not much support for old people in the 1950s. He had nothing in the way of outside possessions except a lawn mower. He mowed a little every day in the summer. One leg was shorter than the other. I would sit there as a small boy and watch him limp across his yard pushing his old lawn mower. He would make a couple passes and limp back to his chair. He said, I wouldn't take anything for my lawn mower.

I said, "I wish I had a bicycle".

He said let me tell you something boy, "If you wish in one hand, and shyt in the other, I can tell you which hand will get full the fastest."

 

[M5farm]

As she was walking away I said " boy that looks like two puppies fighting under a blanket"

 

[Deepsouth]

This thread is about as worthless as tits on a boar hog!

 

[dryfork2]

Older neighbor when i was a kid had colorful responce to any new contraption. been to 3 county fairs and 2 goat ***kings and aint never seen nothing like that

 

[3waycross]

Woke up this morning with a hitch in my getalong!

 

[cowboy43]

So poor don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out out.

She's so broad in the rear she needs a back up alarm when she backs up, beep beep

 

[Chuckie]

Hillsdown,
Lawrence may have got his start blowin' bubbles when he got his mouth washed out! A family tradition. :lol2:
My parents watched him all the time when I was a kid. It would drive me crazy when it was on and I would make fun of the people dancing on there. It would make my parents so mad at me.

It is funny how kids will pick those words up.

I have a bird that repeats what I say, and he has never picked up a cuss word as I really had to change my thinking when I got him and he's been with me for 21 years. I have heard some birds that have a horrible vocabulary. They repeat what they get the most reaction out of like a kid. Some I heard saying M' Fker, over and over. FU, and the list goes on. It may be funny to the people at first, but once the learn easy words like that, they blurt it out real often. People want to sell them when they realize that is their favorite thing to repeat. What's funny is he will say things that I didn't realize I did say.
He's a lot of fun.

 

[TexasBred]

That ol' gal is so fat is you told her to haul a$$ she'd have to make two trips.

 

[Jogeephus]

Bless her heart.

 

[presmudjo]

I have been trying to remember a term my Dad would say. Maybe you all can help out.
... As a 3 peckered billy goat.

 

[TexasBred]

This thread is about as worthless as tits on a boar hog!

That would be "teats", right?? As old as I am I'm never heard a tit called a teat down here in Texas. Not even college professors... Regardless of what animal it was on. :lol2:

 

[3waycross]

My favorite all time was my uncle from Missouri. He would say that so and so was so cheap and broke all he ever did was show up with a
"mouthful of gimme and a handful of much obliged".

Sadly I have seen that practiced many times !