Genetics is only part of it. People grow where they're planted and can usually only grow as well as they're tended to. That's the thing people miss with raising folks. There isn't just a one and the other, nobody just is a person that's a certain way for no reason. It's all a domino trail of cause and effect. That's why parenting is hard, every action has a reaction. You want kids that know how to use an inside voice, but if you scold them every time they show excessive excitement, they'll repress it and shun it. You want kids that can control their emotions instead of their emotions controlling them, but if you dog them every time they show anything strong emotionally, they'll move past stoicism and never be able to really put to words how they feel, never be able to really know how they should show emotion. If you don't discipline them, they'll walk all over you, but if you cross the line into bullying and abuse then they'll either become those things later in life or they'll become used to it and may end up accepting it from others. You have to teach them to know how to judge right from wrong but also not to be too quick to judge others off of the surface. And the worst part is that we're all a far piece from perfect ourselves and we're going to mess something up along the way even if we don't realize it, so the best we can actually do is just assessing our own flaws and trying not to pass them on. And this is optimal, this is in a home with two parents who are around and have time for their kids. Think of how rare that's been at times in recent years. I was born to the "divorce generation". My wife and I both came from messed up homes where the grandparents and one parent had to do most of the work instead of two stable parents. I've been married longer now without interruption than about the longest my mother ever was. We won't have to do too much more to surpass the benchmark of her parents. And you've got to take all of that cause and effect, those ripples that raising and life and experiences have made in your life and try to not pass on the bad ones. It's a hell of a job, but if more people would just do the dang thing we wouldn't have so many people walking around effed up like a football bat.
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