I'm sorry, @tom4018. Keeping you and your wife in my prayers.
Menopause
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Thats a question I would like to ask my wife. But it wouldn't be a good idea to ask something like that.You won't have to ask.
At one point my husband finally said "do you know how mean you are to me?"
At 60, I'm not quite as mean these days.
I know this sounds silly but all kidding a side. It's better to not say anything at all. Because anything you say or do is wrong.
But does she honestly realize how this is affecting you? It may be a wake-up call. My husband has been just one hot mess of health issues for the past 5 years. It's hard on him, knowing I'm the one doing the majority of the work, and sometimes he gets downright testy. Similar to kucala's husband, I called him out. And he actually looked shocked, but it made a huge difference.
I've been enlightening here now I'm scared to death of getting old. I'm mean as a snake anyways. Does that mean I will get meaner or I'm going to switch personalities and become nice? 
Dang I can't imagine getting any meaner. Some days I get on my own nerves I'm so b 
.
I've been "hot flashing" for years I thought it was the humidity here.
ya'll telling me this gets worse.
This is depressing!
Dang I can't imagine getting any meaner. Some days I get on my own nerves I'm so b . I've been "hot flashing" for years I thought it was the humidity here.
ya'll telling me this gets worse. This is depressing!
Only someone who is going through or has went through exactly the same thing as you have can understand the situation.
Out of all of the replies I had from this thread. There has been only one person who's came close to what i am going through.
Alot of other's who have experienced menopause that have replied to my thread has went through alot of the same things my wife is experiencing also.
From what i am learning so far. Some women has milder and shorter durations as to how long it takes before they get over it. I am not saying it is any easier or harder from one person's experience. Just that there can be alot of difference from one case to the next for both the woman and her husband as how well they can handle it.
That makes sense, as with anything else it all depends on how you deal with things. How your body reacts, copes, ect. How you and your spouse work through things talk about it or don't hide from it and hope it disappears. Plus I could see women that have more stress being worse going through menopause. All depends on your life and what your dealing with at the time as well. Do you think menopause leads to some divorce or was just the straw that breaks the camels back? (Not you but in general ya'll) I'd hate to think I was married 100 years and menopause lead to divorce. That's horrible and sad.
I agree! After he called me out, I was more thoughtful of what was actually going on with my moods and stepping back when realizing it was me and not him. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it was and still is really just him
.We are married almost 37 years now so I suppose we figured it out?
When started researching it. Which was only a few days ago. I came across 3 or 4 articles that were titled something along the lines of " Men be scared of menopause be real scared ! "
When i got to reading thoes articles. Some of the things that the article was referring to being scared of was what can happen. Like divorce, losing your career, basicly you can lose everything.
Don't misunderstand what i am saying. The material things i have accumulated like our home, farm, careers, retirements are all important to me. But my wife is way more important to me than all of thoes things combined.
We are both close to being able to retire and enjoy life and what it has taken us a big part of our life to get. Once it is gone neither one of us will get thoes things back. I am 60 years old, not bed bound, but not physically able to do things i once could. Same with my wife.
It's alot like a drug attic. Once someone becomes an attic most of the time they lose everything, spouse, family, friends, material things like home's, they give it all up to get their fix.
Except menopause is something you don't have a choice in. A drug attic becomes an attic because they started doing drugs and developed a dependance for the drug.
Menopause isn't something you can avoid. Like dieing or getting old. You don't have a choice in none of it.
I am guessing there are more people who don't realize how detrimental menopause can be than people that do know.
And because the severity of how bad it can affect one person from another. Thoes that got through it easier than someone who suffered through it for 20 years. Will have an entirely different out look on it.
But the answer to your question it can result in divorce, losing everything you have worked you entire life to build. Life as you know it can end because of it.
Take a breath, talk to each other, get medical support to ease the symptoms. This too shall pass.
I understand what you are saying. But your the one who was going through menopause. You didn't ask to go through it.I agree! After he called me out, I was more thoughtful of what was actually going on with my moods and stepping back when realizing it was me and not him. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it was and still is really just him
We are married almost 37 years now so I suppose we figured it out?
I can understand your husband's side of it too. I am guessing he was kind of like I am now. He probably didn't know what was going on or understand why.
Thats where i am at right now. My wife's personality is completely different from what it normally is. No matter what i say it is going to be wrong. If I bought a winning lottery ticket. Came home and said honey I won 800 million dollars and I am giving it all to you. She would find something wrong with it.
The only thing I can do is fly below her radar, try to ride things out until her next doctors appointment and hope they can help her get better.
The point I was trying to make: communication is key in any relationship. And understanding. And hard work when times are tough. And sometimes taking one for the team, knowing she's got your back when the roles are reversed. I went through it, he dealt with it. You have no idea the struggles we have endured with his health issues; he's going through it, I'm dealing. Sometimes, not very well. And that's okay, it's normal.
Maybe not just offer, but suggest going with her to the next appointment? I always go - and I take notes. Literally, I bring a notepad and subsequently learn a lot.
Plan B: Fly low. Take care of yourself. Maybe she would benefit from anti depressants, but that's up to her doctors. Hopefully, it's nothing worse than a brutal, life transition. Keep the faith that this too, shall pass. And know you have a CT family that may not fully understand the extent or depth or the pain/situation, but will continue to try to help. Or at least, act as a good sounding board.
Maybe not just offer, but suggest going with her to the next appointment? I always go - and I take notes. Literally, I bring a notepad and subsequently learn a lot.
Plan B: Fly low. Take care of yourself. Maybe she would benefit from anti depressants, but that's up to her doctors. Hopefully, it's nothing worse than a brutal, life transition. Keep the faith that this too, shall pass. And know you have a CT family that may not fully understand the extent or depth or the pain/situation, but will continue to try to help. Or at least, act as a good sounding board.
D2Cat
Well-known member
Reading articles saying what you posted sound like something you'd find at the checkout counter. If you are going to read about the situation find some medical journal that gives factual information not sensationalism. You'll learn more and feel better knowing what is possible for positive outcomes.
As many have mentioned, every medical situation is different for every person. The primary diagnosis may be the same, but action and reaction to so many things changes the time involved and outcomes.
Something I personally found that help communication between spouses, especially if there tends to not be open communications at times..... I asked my wife if I could go with her to her Dr. app. She ask why, and I said I just want to make sure she (Dr.) knows the whole situation so maybe she can suggest something. We then were able to talk about things we had not talked about before. She then realized there is more to it then her and was much more understanding.
As many have mentioned, every medical situation is different for every person. The primary diagnosis may be the same, but action and reaction to so many things changes the time involved and outcomes.
Something I personally found that help communication between spouses, especially if there tends to not be open communications at times..... I asked my wife if I could go with her to her Dr. app. She ask why, and I said I just want to make sure she (Dr.) knows the whole situation so maybe she can suggest something. We then were able to talk about things we had not talked about before. She then realized there is more to it then her and was much more understanding.
Don't misunderstand why i started this thread. I am not asking for advice or anyone's help deciding what steps to take next.
I am just trying to learn about menopause. I have been researching the web about menopause and have learned alot about it from reading about it.
Another way i have been learning is asking friends who's wifes has went through it. Learned alot that way too. Learned just in the last week how serious menopause can be.
Thats why i started this thread. To see if anyone here has went through it. Several has and I have learned more about it here too. And all of you who has shared their experiences with it had been alot of help. I do thank all of you for sharing their experiences with me.
But as far as what i should do about it or how i need to handle it. I don't need any advice as what to do about it.
And i am not down and out or depressed about it either. Not saying I won't be down and out about it later. But I am no where near that point yet.
Diffinately not happy about it. Am very concerned hope it turns out for the best.
I know all about seeing doctor's and getting medical help. Been doing that before this ever came about. Her and I both have our own doctor's who at a minimum we see once a year for a yearly check up.
Some things her and I both just don't mention to the other about our appointments simply because on my part don't feel it was important.
There are somethings like this menopause that i don't or didn't know nothing about. I was just passively listening too when she told about what doctor's said at her appointments.
But trust me. It has my full attention now. And she will have my full attention when she is telling me about her doctors appointments from now on.
Son of Butch
Well-known member
Holding out for Bitcoin? It hit 56,466 today
p.s.
web md says 52.5 yrs is average age at menopause in USA
4hfarms
Well-known member
Holding out for Bitcoin? It hit 56,466 today
p.s.
web md says 52.5 yrs is average age at menopause in USA
When you need money the most, electricity is not available.
These recent disasters should wake everyone up to the electronic money hoax.
I do have metal investments that have done very well in the past, and yes it did help when we were hit by one of the 7 hurricanes we went through in when we lived in Florida and the tornado that wiped us out last March. In each of those situations, without power for days/weeks at a time for miles around, but we had no problems. Couldn't purchase anything with "crap coins" of any kind.
sunnyblueskies
Well-known member
Chiming in as a woman who is going through it, has been going through it for a few years........... I hate it. It's no fun. You change, body and mind. I can tell ya when it really started it got so bad my brain didn't work anymore. Like my brain was in a haze and I couldn't think straight anymore. That was the worse thing. Well, besides muscle pain.
I couldn't live like that. So my husband and I went together to our regular doc to get options on how to deal with it.
The option we chose is not necessarily one everyone would pick, but it worked for me.
I've been on anti depressants for many years, due to a very tragic phase in our lives a few years back. So that covered the mood swings portion of menopause. Secondly we chose Hormone Therapy. I said no at first, because of all the hype of side effects everyone is talking about. But after a few weeks of deliberating and being miserable I said yes and it was the greatest thing.
So for a few years I was on anti -depressants and Hormone Therapie. No night sweats, no physical pain and my mind was working. That's not everybodys thing though.
I'm now off of the Hormones, still on the anti-depressants and I'm 54.
My husband works full time off farm and I farm full time. Cow/calf about 90 head.
I have mood swings and night sweats and that's all I notice.
I'd suggest for the guys to go with your wife to the docs appt and go through this together. The more YOU understand, the more SHE understands how it affects you too, the better off for everyone involved.
You have to know she is not blowing up at you (well most of the time =) ) or making your lives miserable just for fun. This phase in life just plain sucks.
That's all I can tell you about it. I commend you for bringing up the subject, I really do. Hats off to you. Go with your wife to the doc appt.s and ask the doc the questions you need answered.
I couldn't live like that. So my husband and I went together to our regular doc to get options on how to deal with it.
The option we chose is not necessarily one everyone would pick, but it worked for me.
I've been on anti depressants for many years, due to a very tragic phase in our lives a few years back. So that covered the mood swings portion of menopause. Secondly we chose Hormone Therapy. I said no at first, because of all the hype of side effects everyone is talking about. But after a few weeks of deliberating and being miserable I said yes and it was the greatest thing.
So for a few years I was on anti -depressants and Hormone Therapie. No night sweats, no physical pain and my mind was working. That's not everybodys thing though.
I'm now off of the Hormones, still on the anti-depressants and I'm 54.
My husband works full time off farm and I farm full time. Cow/calf about 90 head.
I have mood swings and night sweats and that's all I notice.
I'd suggest for the guys to go with your wife to the docs appt and go through this together. The more YOU understand, the more SHE understands how it affects you too, the better off for everyone involved.
You have to know she is not blowing up at you (well most of the time =) ) or making your lives miserable just for fun. This phase in life just plain sucks.
That's all I can tell you about it. I commend you for bringing up the subject, I really do. Hats off to you. Go with your wife to the doc appt.s and ask the doc the questions you need answered.
Hamiam
Well-known member
I am 58 years old & have been on estrogen for years. Several years ago, the doc started slowly decreasing the dose. My doctor decided it was time for me to get off them last year. I hated it! Our 39 year happy, healthy sex life, changed over night. I tried the estrogen cream & it only helped the dryness/pain complaint, not the poor libido. I went back to the doctor & said that I understand the side effects of estrogen & I accept the risk. He allowed me to go back on Premarin 0.625 mg & I have no plans of going off again. It's crazy that the men now have the little blue pill but women are expected to just deal & become the cause for a poor quality sex life. We just had our 40th anniversary.
Thank you for sharing. Your experience is more help than i can explain. And a simple thank you doesn't begin to express my gratitude for your helping me to understand this better.
I don't think anyone can fully understand how serious of an issue menopause is until it is happening to them.
And because the severity of it can differ so much from one individual to the next. A person who has went through it with little or no problems which from what i understand is very rare. Can paint a very different picture of what it is like.
I can tell you it is VERY serious. It can change life's for the worst. It's something that every adult regardless of sex should be knowledgeable of.
The reason i say this is. Most probably over 90 %, probably a bigger percentage than that is going to go through it. It's part of life's cycle. Just like dieing. There's no getting around it.
But with menopause. Alot of women and most if not all men were never taught anything about it. Don't realize most of the the time at the beginning or on come of it that is what is happening. The woman herself doesn't know what is happening or what kind of hell she is entering into.
Most men like myself don't have a clue for the longest that something is wrong, something is troubling the wife. Until it starts getting more and more obvious.
When the mood swings start in stead of being considerate and understanding. Most men snap back, they don't realize there is alot of things going on both physically and mentally with their wife's, marking their life's hell for them. On top of that the one person they should be able to turn to the most for help is their husband. But instead of getting help and support from their husband. It ends up in arguments, feelings hurt etc... Simply because one doesn't understand or have a clue what is happening with the other.
Miss, I want to take my hat off to you for shedding some light on this for me. You sound like a very strong lady and alot of women would not have even taken the time to talk about what you have experienced.
Speaking for myself and I am sure there are alot of other men who have read your comments would say thank you for being candid, helping me understand more about what i am dealing with. And how i can help my wife more.
alacowman1
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Some women go through it like a breeze..others, you need to sleep with one eye open..
farmerjan
Well-known member
I hate to have to admit that I basically had no symptoms going through menopause. However, I was on birth control pills for many many years to control the horrendous monthly periods I had. So the doctor changed the doses as time went on, but I stayed on them until my early 50's. They when I went off them, everything just stopped. I had 2 hot flashes... the first I couldn't figure out what was happening when I all of a sudden got hot and sweaty... thought I was getting the flu. The 2nd was about a couple weeks later, and I realized what it was from others conversations.... That was it basically. I had less energy and I have gained about 30 lbs over the last 20 years. Some I attribute to needing the ankle replaced and now the knees because it is extremely painful to walk or stand. Hopefully I will get back to being able to walk more once the knees get done, and be able to lose some of the weight from the inactivity.
I had a friend that had terrible hot flashes/sweating spells and was very moody... she would get really bitchy and then get so emotional and cry. I felt really sorry for her.
I guess that after 40 years of suffering with a miserable period, my reward was to not suffer through a miserable menopause.
I feel for you guys since I know how miserable my friend was... and her marriage did suffer through it but they managed to keep it together.
I had a friend that had terrible hot flashes/sweating spells and was very moody... she would get really bitchy and then get so emotional and cry. I felt really sorry for her.
I guess that after 40 years of suffering with a miserable period, my reward was to not suffer through a miserable menopause.
I feel for you guys since I know how miserable my friend was... and her marriage did suffer through it but they managed to keep it together.
