Men Strike Back!

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TnWI

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 12, 2005
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Location
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........






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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire..

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder..

"What the hell was I thinking?"







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.







-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------



I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.







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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.







####################################################



Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.







********************************************************************************



Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)







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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!







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When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.







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We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?







+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.







=====================================================



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?







%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.







))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))





So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay
 

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