Crowderfarms
Well-known member
Dearest Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Uncle Billy is still in the State Pen, for not paying child support to your Sister.The Triplets just turned 16, and still have not cut any teeth yet.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.Dad wet his Depends.I think it might be the large doses of Viagra he's been taking.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.Dad says it looks like it's too much of one, and not enough of another.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened, other than your Brother is pregnant again.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom
PS - - I would have enclosed $10.00 for your birthday but I had already sealed the envelope.
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Uncle Billy is still in the State Pen, for not paying child support to your Sister.The Triplets just turned 16, and still have not cut any teeth yet.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.Dad wet his Depends.I think it might be the large doses of Viagra he's been taking.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.Dad says it looks like it's too much of one, and not enough of another.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened, other than your Brother is pregnant again.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom
PS - - I would have enclosed $10.00 for your birthday but I had already sealed the envelope.
