It seems every topic is talked about here ,so here I go

[cowboy43]

What if you had a 21 year old female family member marrying a man , who is twice her age, has 4 sons, one her age, the other about a year younger, 2 round 8 or 9 . What I think would cause nothing but hard feeling and would not change a thing ,so my thought is to keep my mouth shut and not say anything to any family members. What would your thoughts be in such a situation? :hide:

 

[Hook]

Unless it's your sister or daughter or mom, it's not your problem

 

[cowboy43]

I agree

 

[Nesikep]

I certainly wouldn't talk to any of the family members... that's just a recipe for disaster... If anything I'd talk to the 21 year old female and say something along the lines of "Y'know.. I really do wish you the best, but I have to say I think the odds are seriously stacked against you".. that's about as far as I'd dare taking it.

 

[Nesikep]

Oh, is the reason you're hiding under the chair because you're the older guy with 4 kids?

 

[Bez__]

I agree

Then why did you even bring it up?

In 25 years she will be 46 and looking for someone to keep her "occupied" while she waits for her 67 year old husband to kick off and leave her everything.

Seems clear to me

Otherwise they are both of legal age it needs to be left to them.

So, who is hassling you? LOL

Bez__

 

[Bigfoot]

I won't speak to the age difference, I'm sure there are several here with a spouse that's older. I will say 4 kids is a lot of baggage for a 21 year old.

 

[Kingfisher]

It depends.....

 

[Craig Miller]

Id let it go. I dont let what other people do stress me unless it affects me or my wife and kids negatively. I stay much happier that way and i bet you would to.

 

[Ouachita]

She doesn't by chance call him "Father"?

 

[Aaron]

I have been there and seen it. Forget about it. Very likely there is a reason he is single/looking for a very young woman. Time will tell the tale, cards will be shown and the young woman can chalk it up as a learning experience. Until then, she knows everything and your just meddling in her life.

 

[jedstivers]

She doesn't by chance call him "Father"?

She could.

If it was someone close to me she'd know how I felt.
One thing about it it has a 99% chance of not lasting long. You know the old saying that 42 doesn't go into 21 many times.

 

[cow pollinater]

I can think of three marriages right off the top of my head that a lot of us would be envious of where there are huge age differences.
At face value it sounds like one or both(probably BOTH) has some real issues that are going to make them unhappy no matter what the relationship is like but then again I can point out three right off the top of my head that are as strong and healthy as any marriage I've seen.
Either way, it's their choice, their life, their problem if it's not the right choice. I'd treat them the same as any other married couple.

 

[cowboy43]

What I agreed too was it is none of my business and I was just looking for feed back if this happened in your family what the conservation would be like, What I did not mention earlier was they have been dating only a month , and he is only nine years younger than her mother , The engagement was announced on face book before telling family members even though they all live within a short drive, she has been catching holy h---- on face book that may cause wounds that will never heal. I would never do such a thing but to wish them all the happiness in the world. It may not be my business but I can not help but feel for her at such a young age. :cry2:

 

[rockridgecattle]

Cowboy,
It's a tough spot to be in. She is an adult and free will dictates she has choices and those choices will either result in consequences or rewards in life. But it's her choice, her consequence, her reward to bare. No one else's.

That said, control the things you can, let go of the things you can't and learn wisdom to know the difference.

The next best option...be a friend.

If you are a reading person a good book is boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

 

[Isomade]

Poor bas...tard, who wants to raise a wife? Heck I just got this one trained, I sure wouldnt want to try and train a 21 yo.

 

[cowboy43]

Have had mine almost 50 years, it has taken her that long to train me, I look back over the years and realize how lucky I am to have married her , For when I look back With my moods and temper I could not have been an easy person to put up with . :cboy:

 

[Nesikep]

I think announcing the marriage on facebook after dating for only a month is a recipe for internet drama.. no two ways around that... it certainly wasn't a smart move on their part.

Years ago I went through something similar with a close female friend of mine.. She was dating this guy that absolutely destroyed her, he had her under her thumb and squashed who she was. They had one of those on-again-off-again relationships, eternal drama, etc. As a friend I couldn't watch this happen and do NOTHING.. I made up a list of a dozen things to do to get herself back.. a few things were talking to some close mutual friends of ours, if not me.. remembering things she enjoyed doing as a kid, and doing them again.. etc. I knew that pushing hard would just make her push back, but I had to offer what I could as help.
About 10 years have gone by since then, we haven't seen much of each other in those years, but we went out for coffee before Christmas, and she said "I really should have listened to you back then, you gave me very good advice even though I didn't follow it, and I really appreciate you sticking around as my friend even when I wasn't being social or friendly... I'm surprised I have any friends left".
I think my jaw dropped. It wasn't easy to say what I had to say, and say it correctly, and I'm glad that it made a difference in the end.

How does this relate to you? Don't take sides on facebook, perhaps tell her personally you don't think the people on FB are right, and they're overstepping their boundaries, they have no authority over her life, and neither do you. But that as a friend you have to say things that aren't easy or pleasant to say and she may do with that what she pleases. If you feel the gods are on your side you might suggest a long engagement at least. (probably best left alone there). Tell her that you're happy that she's found someone that makes her happy, regardless of anything else.

Most of all, keep your wits about you and stay civil!

 

[Ryder]

She might be a very mature 21 year old.
I really don't see anything wrong just because of the age difference.
Age of the kids is troubling. But unless one of them asks me, it is not a lot of my business.

Hope everything works out well for both of them.

 

[Hook]

Any chance the son is encouraging it :shock: