fancy dress Halloween party

[Sir Loin]

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.

The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice 'chick' he could and copping a little feel
here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.'

Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?'

He replied, 'I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went
into the spare room and played poker all evening.'

'You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad. Apparently he had the time of his life.'

 

[Sir Loin]

President Hillary - you'll LOVE this one!



President Hillary Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her
first night in the White House. The ghost of George Washington appears, and
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Washington says, "Never tell a lie."

Ouch! Says Hillary, I don't know about that.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, "How
can I best serve my country?"

Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."

Ohhh! I really don't want to do that.

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears.... Hillary says, "How
can I best serve my country?"

Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
*********

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the
last
of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the
latest
episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with
diarrhea
and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the
bed
sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He
started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get
the
unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled
pile
at
his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
sheets,
a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had
watched
the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on
here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the sh-t out
of
a ghost."

Happy Halloween !
***************
Sex at 100

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex, would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to
ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today."
**************
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop, where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

The redhead says, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just
don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

******************
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Raelly amzanig huh?

***********************
A GUY WALKS INTO A BAR, SITS DOWN, AND ASKS, "BARTENDER, GOT ANY
SPECIALS TODAY?"

BARTENDER SAYS, "YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT WE HAVE A NEW DRINK
INVENTED BY A GYNECOLOGIST PATRON OF OURS. IT IS A MIX OF PABST BLUE
RIBBON AND SMIRNOFF VODKA."

THE GUY ASKS, "GEEZ, WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?"
WE CALL IT A "PABST SMIR."

 

[chrisy]

a bit near the knuckle for on here SL, a few for the bar room only, remember there are children present.

 

[Sir Loin]

chrisy

My apologies!
I intended to only leave some up for the late night crowd when the kiddies are asleep and edit them out in the morning.
BUT, it appears I lost me edit button.
Of course some partaking of adult beverages last night may have clouded my judgment as to weather I should post them At all then.
Sorry
SL

 

[Kathie in Thorp]

a bit near the knuckle for on here SL, a few for the bar room only, remember there are children present.

As ADULT humor, those were pretty good, though!

 

[chrisy]

a bit near the knuckle for on here SL, a few for the bar room only, remember there are children present.

As ADULT humor, those were pretty good, though!

I agree I Laughed at most of them, but you just have to remember when posting the younguns do look, and they are exposed to enough smut and stuff everywhere else, so on here we are asked to keep things clean. I am no prude I could post a lot of these kind of jokes but it is not lady like.

 

[Sir Loin]

Would you'll just let this thread drop off the bottom of the screen please, as it is a little embarrassing when I am sober!
I can't believe I did that!
SL

 

[melking]

Bump LOL

 

[chrisy]

Would you'll just let this thread drop off the bottom of the screen please, as it is a little embarrassing when I am sober!
I can't believe I did that!
SL

Nah! it's not often we can wind you up SL... ;-) :lol:

 

[Sir Loin]

OK for you two!
Ya know what they say about "pay backs"!

And don't look for me to be any where near this board around New Years eve!!
No sir, no more partying on this board.
This is all that will be at my party.
http://gotmilk.com/?gclid=CNmptoiamawCFQRShwodaFAHOA
SL

 

[Kathie in Thorp]

OK for you two!
Ya know what they say about "pay backs"!

And don't look for me to be any where near this board around New Years eve!!
No sir, no more partying on this board.
This is all that will be at my party.
http://gotmilk.com/?gclid=CNmptoiamawCFQRShwodaFAHOA
SL

Well, should we give SL a break, or just keep bumping it? Poor guy; the bumps sound like they're getting sore! :lol:

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

Sir Loin, I'm reasonably certain the moderator would be more than happy to remove this thread at your request.

 

[chrisy]

TT don't be a soil sport....

SL...milk can go into a lot of cocktails one I like is Tia Maria and Ice Cold Milk, that can get you real tipsy ;-)
Marijuana Milkshake Cocktail Ingredients
1 oz midori
1/2 oz White creme de cacao
1/2 oz milk
Instructions
Pour ingredients into a cocktail shaker with some ice. Shake and strain into a 2-oz shot glass, and serve.
don't be put off by the name, not a sign of the drug in sight.
in advance Happy New Years Eve party....this could go on for a long time :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Kathie in Thorp]

TT don't be a soil sport....

SL...milk can go into a lot of cocktails one I like is Tia Maria and Ice Cold Milk, that can get you real tipsy ;-)
Marijuana Milkshake Cocktail Ingredients
1 oz midori
1/2 oz White creme de cacao
1/2 oz milk
Instructions
Pour ingredients into a cocktail shaker with some ice. Shake and strain into a 2-oz shot glass, and serve.
don't be put off by the name, not a sign of the drug in sight.
in advance Happy New Years Eve party....this could go on for a long time :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hey, TT, nobody is saying anything bad or nasty! Give us a little break here. SL can handle it, I'm (reasonably) sure! ;-)

Peach schnapps (sp?), cut w/ some half & half, or with orange juice is good. Have to be careful with those -- they're wicked and they'll sneak up on you!

 

[Sir Loin]

TT
Re:

Sir Loin, I'm reasonably certain the moderator would be more than happy to remove this thread at your request.

UH, The moderator is the last guy I want to bring this to the attention of!
Lets just say my last hiatus was not voluntary. :roll:
SL

 

[Kathie in Thorp]

TT
Re:

Sir Loin, I'm reasonably certain the moderator would be more than happy to remove this thread at your request.

UH, The moderator is the last guy I want to bring this to the attention of!
Lets just say my last hiatus was not voluntary. :roll:
SL

We totally understand, SL! Can happen to the best of us. Think about it this way . . . somebody has to be in the barrell, and it just happens to be you right now. We all get our turns. Geez, just look around!

 

[pdfangus]

Sir Loin

if the alfluence of incohol is making you post things you regret posting........

perhaps the moderator is not the one to look to for relief.

 

[Sir Loin]

OK for you two, you are in big trouble now!
I just visited one of my old private squeezes and she is on her way over here to whip you back into shape.

Meet my old friend Helz. She runs a private club on the other side of town, where I usually party.

And when she gets here this is what you can expect!

SL

 

[ALACOWMAN]

if the moderator thought it was bad enough, they remove it theirself without a request

 

[melking]

OK for you two, you are in big trouble now!
I just visited one of my old private squeezes and she is on her way over here to whip you back into shape.

Meet my old friend Helz. She runs a private club on the other side of town, where I usually party.

And when she gets here this is what you can expect!

SL

Is that Helz doing a "BUMP and grind LOL