Subject: Alerts to Threats in 2012 Europe
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
events in Syria and have therefore raised their
security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies
nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized
from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time
the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level
was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish
Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed
Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any
other levels. This is the reason they have been used
on the front line of the British army for the last 300
years.
The French government announced yesterday that it
has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."
The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate"
and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent
fire that destroyed France's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly
and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two
more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations"
and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing
Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as
usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO
pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new
submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully
designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old
Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level
from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two
more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll
need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The
barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever
warranted use of the last final escalation level.
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
events in Syria and have therefore raised their
security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies
nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized
from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time
the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level
was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish
Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed
Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any
other levels. This is the reason they have been used
on the front line of the British army for the last 300
years.
The French government announced yesterday that it
has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."
The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate"
and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent
fire that destroyed France's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly
and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two
more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations"
and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing
Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as
usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO
pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new
submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully
designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old
Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level
from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two
more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll
need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The
barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever
warranted use of the last final escalation level.
