Daily Joke

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A young guy called in sick to work. He told the boss his head hurt, his stomach hurt, and he was sweating profusely. His boss thought about it for a minute and told him, "when I feel like that sex with my wife makes me feel good enough to get through a days work... Try that and then call me when you're ready to come in."
An hour later the young man called back and said " I feel great and I'm ready to come to work. Thanks for the advice and you have a lovely home."
 
Two Afghani women are digging potatoes when one stands up holding a fairly large potato in each hand. She hefts them thoughtfully and say to her friend. Kinda reminds me of my husband.

The friend say wow are his testicles that big.

She replies; NO they are that dirty!
 
hooknline":13hby17p said:
Isomade opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!" he whined.

"You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!" Oh my gaaad…", replied Isomade, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was,

"Where's my Rolex?!!!!!"
Go back NORTH!!!!!!
 
3waycross":7kacmfof said:
Two Afghani women are digging potatoes when one stands up holding a fairly large potato in each hand. She hefts them thoughtfully and say to her friend. Kinda reminds me of my husband.

The friend say wow are his testicles that big.

She replies; NO they are that dirty!


:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :clap: :clap: I've been reading this off and on for 2 days now and just about pee my pants laughing everytime I read it.
 
A SimAngus, a Braford and a Limmi were aboard an airplane that was going to crash. They only had two parachutes. The Braford said, "I should get one of the parachutes; I am an intelligent combination of all of the best breeds in the world. The future is in my genes." And it grabbed a parachute and jumped. The kindhearted Limmi said SimAngus, you take the other parachute. You are really the best combination in the world -- the future is yours.

"Do not fear Limmi," said the SimAngus, "We each can each have a parachute because the intelligent combination of the best breeds in the world jumped out of the airplane with my halter and lead rope!
 
JustSimmental said:
A SimAngus, a Braford and a Limmi were aboard an airplane that was going to crash. They only had two parachutes. The Braford said, "I should get one of the parachutes; I am an intelligent combination of all of the best breeds in the world. The future is in my genes." And it grabbed a parachute and jumped. The kindhearted Limmi said SimAngus, you take the other parachute. You are really the best combination in the world -- the future is yours.

"Do not fear Limmi," said the SimAngus, "We each can each have a parachute because the intelligent combination of the best breeds in the world jumped out of the airplane with my halter and lead rope![/quote] to bad the end of the lead, wasnt tied around your neck :cowboy:
 
Alabama beat Arkansas , they fired the coach
Alabama beat tennesee, they fired the coach
Alabama beat auburn, they fired the coach
Alabama beat Notre Dame, the Pope resigns
Sure wish the Whitehouse had a team
 
Brothel Trip

An elderly man named Caustic goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorry,' says Caustic. 'How much do I owe you?'
 
3waycross":3uoo5mo5 said:
Brothel Trip

An elderly man named Caustic goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorry,' says Caustic. 'How much do I owe you?'
:lol: :lol: :lol:
 
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
 
Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.It's shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.It protects it from the rain.' (true story)

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' he says.. And in they go.

Joe is shocked.Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes.Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks.Dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and has his way with her right there in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom.

'She's got a great body,' he thinks.

So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties, and has his way with her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table.

After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is pleasantly beaming.But still.... Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father shouted. I'll do the f(*&(g dishes!!
 

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