Daily Chuckle
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greybeard
Well-known member
Did you hear about the Cessna 172 that crashed into a cemetery in Mississippi?
So far they've recovered nearly 500 bodies..
So far they've recovered nearly 500 bodies..
Ouachita
Well-known member
……..as digging continues throughout the night.
Named'em Tamed'em
Well-known member
greybeard
Well-known member
Nice fence..
greybeard
Well-known member
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know four things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
"No, not if I'm gonna' have to explain it four times."
..........................................
One day a young lad came home from school at 7pm.
"You're late. Where were you?" asked his father.
"I was with my friend Jessica." he replied.
"Doing what?" his dad asked again.
"We were just studying, Dad." replied the boy.
The father glared at him skeptically. Wanting to change the subject, the boy picked up a snack off the kitchen table and took a bite. "Wow, these fish cakes are delicious!" said the boy.
Dad replied with a smirk: "Go wash your hands, son. Those are donuts."
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 20 mph for it to start.
She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.
I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.
A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions... (yes, she's a blonde)
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Houston zoo.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know four things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
"No, not if I'm gonna' have to explain it four times."
..........................................
One day a young lad came home from school at 7pm.
"You're late. Where were you?" asked his father.
"I was with my friend Jessica." he replied.
"Doing what?" his dad asked again.
"We were just studying, Dad." replied the boy.
The father glared at him skeptically. Wanting to change the subject, the boy picked up a snack off the kitchen table and took a bite. "Wow, these fish cakes are delicious!" said the boy.
Dad replied with a smirk: "Go wash your hands, son. Those are donuts."
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 20 mph for it to start.
She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.
I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.
A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions... (yes, she's a blonde)
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Houston zoo.
coachg
Well-known member
Are you this parent ?
coachg
Well-known member
coachg
Well-known member
My favorite was trying to get on after it was at warp speed . You either go on or got sent flying with your arms ripped out of their sockets . 
greybeard
Well-known member
My favorite was stuffin the kid I didn't like up under it..
A blonde English speaking American woman in NYC managed to get thru all the paperwork and bureaucratic hassle of adopting a 7 month old Russian baby. On the way home from the agency she stopped at a community college to sign up for a foreign language class. When the forms were all filled out, the lady behind the desk asked her "Why did you decide to learn how to speak Russian?"
The blonde replied "Because I just adopted a little Russian baby and when he starts talking, I want to be able to understand what he's saying"
A blonde English speaking American woman in NYC managed to get thru all the paperwork and bureaucratic hassle of adopting a 7 month old Russian baby. On the way home from the agency she stopped at a community college to sign up for a foreign language class. When the forms were all filled out, the lady behind the desk asked her "Why did you decide to learn how to speak Russian?"
The blonde replied "Because I just adopted a little Russian baby and when he starts talking, I want to be able to understand what he's saying"
Nesikep
Well-known member
My First thought was Why do you have a Full size Holstein in your House???
alacowman1
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Ours was a old wooden seat one..that drove a splinter in my upper thigh as it was going round.country doctor had to dig it out ,with what looked like a shoeing nail..still got scarMy favorite was trying to get on after it was at warp speed . You either go on or got sent flying with your arms ripped out of their sockets .
Nesikep
Well-known member
It's just the wrong breed is all!
All cattle belong Outside! Unless it's a newborn calf you're trying to warm up, and thankfully I've been able to do the warming up in the barn.
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Some years back I sold a brown swiss steer bottle calf to a lady and before she left she showed me pictures of her 300 pound pig that she had a ramp built for him, so he could still get Inside of her house... It Wasn't a pot belly pig. It was a full size eating pig that she said (was her baby). Then she proceeded to tell me that she was going to keep the calf In her house with her and the pig. When she left I about died laughing!!
SBMF 2015
Well-known member
I had a random guy call me one time several years ago ( I have no idea how he got my number) he had heard that I may know how to ring pigs. He asked if I would be willing to come to his house and ring his pot bellied baby pig because the last one he had figured out how to pop up the tiles on the kitchen floor!
I never went, but died laughing after I got off the phone.
