Daily Chuckle

[Twisted]

Guy runs into a bar and yells "Bartender quick 10 whiskeys!". As the bartender starts pouring them and placing them on the bar the guy starts slamming them down. after 5 or so the bartender says: "Hey slow down some what's your hurry?". The guy says: "You would be in a hurry too if you had what I have.". The bartender backs away from the bar and asked: "What do you have?". The guy says: "A dollar".

 

[gman4691]

One for the math fans …
There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons.
The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner.
The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knght with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon while the squire, using a noosed rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.
The next day the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours but, when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious. And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

 

[Twisted]

One for the math fans …
There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons.
The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner.
The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knght with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon while the squire, using a noosed rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.
The next day the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours but, when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious. And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Is that your theorem?

 

[gman4691]

 

[greybeard]

Ancient Egyptian babies didn't know that their Dad would turn into a mummy,

Neither did the Kardashians

 

[Warren Allison]

Ancient Egyptian babies didn't know that their Dad would turn into a mummy,

Neither did the Kardashians

Now that's a good one! LOL

 

[branxchar&charx]

 

[branxchar&charx]

 

[coachg]

 

[coachg]

Can't check the un vaxed box because my brother and I was headed to Canada to see Toronto Blue Jays play at their stadium. Wouldn't let me in without the first 2 shots . But I can say no boosters since !

 

[gman4691]

Don't eat aluminum or you'll sheet metal.

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

 

[Warren Allison]

 

[CowboyRam]

 

[Warren Allison]

 

[coachg]

View attachment 43473

Sounds like the makings of the perfect country song .

 

[greybeard]

View attachment 43341

That dog needs to keep his eyes on the road!!

 

[Travlr]

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "OK. Go ahead."

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and sinks them into his remaining eye. The astonished auditor now grasps that he has gambled and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. His unease begins to mount.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you OK?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

Don't mess with old people!

 

[Warren Allison]

I'm on my way home yesterday, and I saw this blue Dodge Durango going slow in front of me. It was for sale ....it had a number on the back window, so I decided to call it.

Me: Hello I'm calling about the Durango,.... is it still for sale?
Them: Yes
Me: Does it run?
Them: Yes
Me : Well speed up or get the hell out my way!!

 

[CowboyRam]